Handing down traditions.

A few weeks ago I told the kids about how my siblings and I really liked to scare their grandmother half to death when we were kids. Specifically the time we put a rubber snake in the microwave and watched her throw herself through a plate glass window.

Oh boy that made an impression and ever since they've been wondering when Grandma will be coming to babysit. They came up with an elaborate plan to scare her with "something" in the microwave.  They practiced how they'd casually ask her to make some popcorn. It was agreed that Maddie would do the talking because, when they practiced, Max was unable to stop smiling when he said it. And that would give it all away.

Finally, yesterday Logan and I had plans to go out for drinks in Royal Oak. It was the perfect day for going out, the weather was perfect. I worked hard to look less suburban mother-ish. We ate sushi at Ronin where all the windows open onto the street. It was idyllic.

While we fed the kids dinner we sat on the deck and told the kids Grandma was finally coming over to babysit. And finally their evil plot could happen! They searched their toys for a rubber snake but we don't seem to have one. So instead they found a two foot long rubber shark.

And you can imagine how terrifying that would be. You mosey over to the microwave to pop a bag of popcorn, not suspecting a thing. You open the door, and

"OH MY GOD IT'S A LAND LOCKED SALTWATER FISH IN MY MICHIGAN BASED MICROWAVE!!!!"

I'm sure her hair will turn bone white!

So as we sat there Maddie did her thing. You know, her "thing" she inherited from me. Where she runs through all possible scenarios and particularly focuses on the Worst Case Scenario.

"Okay, so what if she opens the microwave and we give her a heart attack? Should I call you, or 911?"

"If she falls back and hits her head, do I just give her ice?"

"What if she is so scared she leaves, should we call you?"

So we assured her nothing was going to happen like that. That when I said Grandma threw herself through a plate glass window I was using hyperbole.

I guess grandma arrived after we left and wanted to take the kids out for ice cream. Which threw a dent in the plan because when faced with Ice Cream or Popcorn that would scare grandma half to death, they had to go with ice cream.

But not wanting to give up on the terror, Max suggested, "How about if we get ice cream but you look in the microwave before we leave?"

And Maddie rolled her eyes and grandma was maybe a little surprised to see a shark in the microwave.
But thankfully, no one had to call 911 and we didn't have to cut our night short.

Comments

[homeslice]

phew! disaster averted.

[nelking]

Max needs to go to prank school.

[Jennifer]

Oh my gosh my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard at the linked post about your mom. Thanks. I needed that.

[ashley]

How is Ronin? Better than Little Tree? (That place bites.) How does it rank next to Noble Fish?

[Miss Grace]

Adorable.

[AnEmily]

Yay-fellow Defensive Pessimists! I, too, love worrying myself to bits about worst case scenarios.

[kate]

Oh my god, that story about the snake in the microwave just filled me with glee. I'm sitting here laughing hysterically but SILENTLY because I'm at work.

So. damn. funny.

[spoiledonlychild]

Wait, I am very confused. Did she run through a window or not? I can't figure out where the reality ends and the hyperbole begins.

[liz]

I am completely distracted by the pregnant girls in unitards. So odd and yet...hypnotizing.

[Casey]

Sometimes the best part about kids is their complete inability to be duplicitous.

One Father's Day, I bought my husband some DD coffee beans, and let my four-year-old help wrap it and create a card for it (as, really, coffee should come from the one who causes you to require so much of it).

On Father's Day morning she proudly handed him his carefully wrapped gift and announced, "Here's your coffee present, Dad."

We all still crack up about that one.

[Kay]

You "guess" she arrived after you left?

[kristi]

I may or may not have peed a little reading about the microwave snake. You ARE going straight to hell. I may or may not be joining you.

Max has a looong way to go. ;)

[Josephine]

That's the best laugh I've had all week. Thanks, I really need it!

I can totally relate to planning for the worst-case scenarios: that's the way my brain works, too.

[Josephine]

PIMF. That should read "needed".

[Babybloomr]

That's one of my favorite things about kids-- if something is funny once, then obviously it will be funny another 50 times. That is not, however, such an amusing trait in husbands.

[MelissaS]

Kay,

We allow the kids to stay by themselves for 20-30 minutes. My mother arrived after we'd left for the restaurant around the block.

Thanks for looking out for me!

[Phil]

That's okay, I leave my 9-yr old to watch a small gang of 6-yr olds at midnight for a few hours. They all have my number. They're fine.

[Katie]

I am 9 months pregnant with my first baby - a boy. He's due by c-section this week actually.

I will now call to cancel my c-section and when the doctor asks why I will say its because this new blog I checked out scared me out of having children. :)

I've really got to toughen up here in the next few days...

[mpotter]

poor max... he'll get it one day.
but, really- you have to hand it to him. he did not want such a carefully crafted prank to go un-pranked. whaddya to do??

glad you enjoyed a very nice dinner out- sans sharks, i'm assuming.

[Jocelyne]

Am I the only one killing myself laughing? All I can think of is the classic Saturday Night Live sketch about the Land Shark!

http://www.spike.com/video/land-shark/2802070

[Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy]

I'm a day late and a dollar short on commenting on this post. However, a year or two ago I purchased a fake snake to scare my husband with. I forgot about it. While cleaning out my garage this week, I was going through a box and found it. At first, I thought it was real and nearly shit my pants. I payed myself back with my own prank. fuck my life.