Awkward Hugs: Too Comfortable!

Okay first of all.....Sweet Lord. Are we still under the impression that I'm going to stop being annoyed by the 24/7 job of taking care of the kids? If that's a make or break thing for you reading this website, I need you to know this up front.

I will always hate this aspect of parenting. I will always find it overwhelming and unpleasant. There will be times that I'm into it, where we have a great set of adventures together, but for the most part....I'm not going to like summer vacation with its endless hours to fill.

If you find my position enviable, by God I wish you all the luck (and stamina) in the world to make it happen for you.

In other less antagonistic news.....

I hit a new low on Friday night when we had friends over.

Usually when I get tired but don't want the party to end because I'm lame and need to go knit an afghan or something equally as old lady-ish, I just slip away to the "bathroom".

On the way out of the bathroom my bed says, "I love you....come over here...." and I don't know who can resist that pick up line.

I try to stay awake kind of late, like midnight. But we have friends who must have cocaine flowing through their veins because these people never want to go to bed. It seems futile for me to try and out last them, plus my bed really loves me and needs me.

On Saturday we went to a friend's party and I decided I was going to stay awake as long as it took. So I spent most of the day reserving my energy and at 5pm I drank a (disgusting) energy drink and bought a second one to drink later. At 10:40 I went to the bathroom at Andrea's house and briefly debated the weirdness of crawling into her bed.

Instead I drank the second disgusting energy drink and OH MY GOD IT REALLY WORKS YOU GUYS I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT LONG AND NOT EVEN READY TO LEAVE WHEN LOGAN STARTED TO NEED A FORK IN HIM BECAUSE HE WAS DONE.

At 2am.

I stayed up until 2am and I could have easily stayed up until 3am.

But the whole point of this is to tell you about my hugs.

At some (very late)(after many drinks) point Saturday my friend's husband turned to me and said, earnestly, "I love you."

And it was then I realized my hugs have gotten way too good.

Or maybe it's not my hugs, it's just how I've learned to be more at ease with my friends.

Either way, I think it's time to go back to the weird sideways hug with a soft back pat. Just to be safe.

Comments

[Phil]

Don't worry, I've done the same thing to him.

[Maureen]

I'm amazed that you could stay up until 2 a.m. and that there are others like you. The only people that we hang out with who want to stay out past 11 don't have kids:) I'll have to try the energy drink thing because we are meeting childless friends (they'll be childess for 6 more weeks) this weekend and I know I'm going to be longing for my bed by 10.

[Jenn @ Juggling LIfe]

You make me feel better about my husband--who often disappears in the later hours of the evening and is unable to not go to bed.

I on the other hand can do 3 a.m. on a weekly basis.

[Lisa]

Sure this whole thing wasn't just some creepy dream?

[Toni]

Someone called me out on a side hug the other day, it was sufficiently awkward. I am glad I am not the only one that does the weird pat on the shoulder thing. :)

[Jeff Drongowski]

Good hugs are a terrible thing to waste. I say give it all you've got and hire security to follow you around, Lohan style.

As for energy drinks, I used to start every day with one until I realized I was getting a lot of headaches. After consulting with a few doctors, the consensus was that energy drinks tend to cause a spike in blood pressure, so they're not for anybody with BP issues. Proceed with caution.
/End PSA.

[Juli Ryan]

OMG, my bed loves me and needs me too. I must try the disgusting energy drink.

[emilie]

I've been reading your blog for a long time and this is my first comment. I think we went to the same high school, but i live in Maine now. I just wanted to say that I love your blog; you make me laugh out loud quite often. i have a little family blog too, but b/c i'm a high school teacher and my students read my blog (they found it) i can't say anything edgy or fun, and so i live vicariously through your profanity and sexy talk. very fun. keep it up! thank you! and i used to live in royal oak too.

[lisa marie byrd]

My very best girlfriend in the whole world does the side-hug-shoulder-pat thing.

I cherish each one. Your friends do, too.

[Jess]

I went out with some friends for my birthday celebration over the weekend. By 9pm we were looking at each other wondering what to do next...the only thought coming to my mind was that I'd like to go home, get into some ugly comfy clothes and read a book! I suck at knitting!!

[kate]

Woohoo! Staying up late AND getting comfortable with hugs?? What is HAPPENING to you?! ;)

[Courtney]

Any mom who says she is never annoyed at the 24/7 job of raising children is lying to you, or lying to herself! You are not unlike most other moms in that way, so don't think you are so special :)

I am going to Las Vegas for my birthday in mid-July, please note that I have a 6 month old baby and I go to bed by 9:00 p.m. at the latest (lame, I know). My husband is making me practice staying up later and later each night, even if by 5 minutes, so that I don't disappear to our room by 10:00 when we are in Vegas~! Wish me luck.

[Carey]

Not that you need personal affirmation from random strangers, but... I work. Full time. Because I would go completely insane if I was a 24/7 SAHM. It's just not me. I know several other moms that are the same way.

[Laura]

We've been done with preschool for a few weeks now and our (one day a week) daycare for the two-year-old just closed. Anyone who tells me I'm "so lucky to be able to stay home and have this time with them" in the next couple months is likely to get punched in the teeth. But perhaps I'll offer an awkward sideways hug in apology.

[Slim]

If I am putting aside what I want to do so I can instead do something you want to do, and you feel the need to inform you that it's not what you love to do the very most in the whole entire world, and that I need to fix that, pronto, then guess what? I am going to be annoyed.

[Xdm]

The other night, at the poker party, someone fed me shots of Cherry Bombs? I had no idea it was mostly Red Bull. I was in bed, heart racing at 2 am watching The Deerhunter.

[Deanna]

So what do you like about having kids? Now I know that sounds like I'm being an asshat, but I'm serious. I've never had kids because I assumed I'd hate JUST what you say you hate. What makes it worthwhile?

[MelissaS]

You'll have to look over the whole of the site to know what i love about having kids.

It's all a part of my experience. It's a rich, complicated experience.

[Amanda]

Hmmm. Energy drink? I've always imagined they don't taste too good but with two kids running around like kittens on catnip, maybe I'll be able to keep up.

Can't wait for September.

[Amy D.]

OKay, I'm sure the person who posted this is very nice and sweet and kind, and if I hadn't just had a crappy day with my three her comment might have hit me differently, but this..."I consider myself "That Kind of Mom." I wish you would email me every day or so and I could suggest fun things to do. They don't always have to be PROJECTS. I absolutely LOVE summer vacation and I studiously avoid camps, even though almost all my kids' friends "do" camp." Seriously??? She absolutely LOVES summer vacation and studiously avoids camps? Whatever. I mean, good for her. For the rest of us HUMAN mothers, sometimes summer vacation sucks. Even if we love our kids and love being mothers. Although the guilt is inevitable, it doesn't change the reality of the situation. Camps are good. TV is fine. Playdates at other people's houses rock. And every now and then a martini really hits the spot.

[amy]

Amen on the Martini thought Amy!

[Amber]

Don't feel bad, I'm not that other kind of mom either. Most of the time I wish I were, but there's not really anything I can do about it. I'm just not wired that way.

[se]

Anyone who judges how you parent is missing the point.

Also, we are all human and I seriously doubt that the Super SAHM who adores being home with her kids doesn't have moments of needing to be alone. And guess what? It's NOT A CRIME.

She can be a bit cheesy, but Sarah Ban Breathnach has it right--it is all too easy to lose your individuality as a mom and a wife.

I know I lose mine in every romantic relationship I have (working on it) and god help me if I ever have a kid (not planning on it--health reasons). I can barely take care of myself.

So kudos to you for being honest and reporting your real feelings. I'm sure you are helping a lot of other mom's in similar shoes.

Also, as I'm sure you know, there are TONS of project ideas for the kids on teh innertubes.

[plumwin]

ANYONE who says they enjoy 24/7 with any child needs a trip to the psych ward. Seriously.

[Wallydraigle]

I LOVE being a SAHM, but I'm pretty sure that's because my kid is still sleeping 14-16 hours a day. And I always have beer in the fridge. Even when she's not sleeping that much anymore, there will be much frolicking in the backyard while mommy naps. That's how I plan to stay sane, at least. We'll see how it works out. But anyway, even on my absolute best days, I have moments where I think, "How on earth can I get through until 8:30 tonight?" I have trouble believing there is a mom out there who hasn't felt at least a little of that at some point (well, I mean, of the moms who don't have outside help).

[Tracy]

I think part of the problem is that your kids expect too much, and or you give them too much. I remember last summer you said they ask, daily, "What are we doing today that's fun for kids?" That would make my head explode. Sometimes the answer needs to be "I don't know. What ARE you doing?" Because they are at an age where they should be able to entertain themselves and not require constant projects or trips or whatever. My advice is to spend $350 on a huge vinyl blob swimming pool and bam, your summer is set for the next couple of years.

[*Yep, I do that too. Just not much to do in this neighborhood...]

[ame i.]

I remember wanting my mom to entertain my brother and me during the summer. We lived out in the middle of Nowhere Town in West TN with 4 t.v. channels, 1 of which barely came in during the summer. A trip to the grocery store, Big K (the "Wal-mart" of our town during the mid 70's) or the library was cause for celebration. Yay!!
I don't recall the ages of your children. My daughters are 9 & 11. I've been a work-at-home mom since my oldest was born and admit that it was hard at times when they were younger. I will also admit that for the past few years I love having them home during school breaks. One obvious reason is not having to wake up at 6:30 :). They go to horse riding camp & and art camp for a week each every summer & we have access to my parents' pool, so that helps.
Bottom line, though, I love having them home with me.

[Allison]

You know what's funny? I've been reading your blog for some years (never commented) and I actually DO consider you to be "That mom." Because you DO seem to put quite a bit of effort into entertaining your kids. You take them to the park, the pool, and you do projects with them. Heck, you even photograph the meals you cook for them and let the Internet know whether they were eaten! I barely get the food on the frickin' table fer cryin' out loud!

In my opinion, you're doing a heck of a lot! Most mornings, I let my two older sons (6 and 2.5) run around the back yard by themselves while I take care of their baby brother. Then the oldest one goes to daycamp and the middle one takes a nap. That is all. And I consider that to be a good day because they've spent a lot of it outside.

So it's all a matter of perspective. To some of us REAL slackers, you are indeed That Mom who is doing a Great Job.

[Sarah]

My mom didn't give a crap about entertaining me in the summer, so it never occurred to me to ask about it. The problem here is that you've given those kids some hope that you may entertain them at some point!

[Leslie]

If I whined too much about being bored when I was a kid, my parents literally locked me out the house. "Go to the bathroom. Here's a cup of water and a snack. Go outside and play. We will let you know when you can come back in." Didn't hurt me a bit. In fact, once I was out there, I always found something to do. After moping around for while, of course.

[Elizabeth]

Um people. I am not with my kids 24/7. They do play at other people's houses, go to school all school year and yes...I do sometimes get babysitters. Have I never felt grumpy or irritated by them? No. Have I enjoyed weekends away with friends? Yes. Do I love hanging with my friends at the beach? Yes. However, I do enjoy having my kids around for long stretches of time. They are basically well behaved, funny, self reliant kids. Sometimes I help them with "projects" like building a lego thingy or making cookies but more often, I do my thing and they do theirs all in the same house or yard. I had kids because I like being around them! Chill. I'm not judging any of you.

[Wallydraigle]

When I was little, we didn't live near a whole lot of kids, either. I was the youngest by several years, so my siblings didn't always want to entertain me, either. However, I knew that if I said to my parents, "I'm booooored!" it was a direct invitation to them to assign me some chores. I ended up scrubbing a lot of floors, dishes and bathrooms before I learned that I needed to entertain myself more often. My parents still did a lot of stuff with us, but they didn't try to fill every moment.

(I know that's easier said than done, as kids can be very stubborn and persistent, and it's often easier to just give in, especially if it's not something that is actually bad for them.)

[die Frau]

I recently went over to a friend of my husband's house and totally fell asleep for two hours in his guest bedroom. I blame the good Irish beer that he kept refilling my glass with. I don't drink more than a glass of red wine when we go out because it acts like codeine on me, so I have also indulged in the (sugar-free) Red Bull because it tastes a little less intensely Sweet-Tarty than the full sugar stuff.

My parents utilized day camp, our swing set, and baby-sitters. I got a lot of "go outside and play!"