At this point Swine Flu would be like a dream come true.

I have the world's most annoying cold. It refuses to develop into anything more than an energy sucking/sleep depriving annoying sniffly nose cough thing with occasional "Please I'd Like To Tear My Face Off To Relive The Sinus Pressure" moments.

The cough, I've had off and on for months.

When I went to Florida with my friends last June I was nervous about sharing a room with the friends I hadn't shared with before. I worried they'd be loud sleepers because I am a very light sleeper. I used to snore at times, because of my tonsils, but when I got rid of them I stopped snoring. I felt pretty confident about my fitness as a roomate for anyone.

It turns out my roomate is the world's quietest sleeper. Like I think she completely powers her body to "Off" because you can't hear anything. I held a mirror under her nose to see if she was even still alive. I don't even think she was breathing, that's how courteous a sleeper she is. Her breathing might be a bother, so she'll just stop for the night.

It turned out I was the annoying loud sleeper. I didn't snore but that annoying cough apparently kept my roomie awake the entire time we were there. Even worse I talked in my sleep demanding pizza in a very mean voice. (Saturday night I woke myself up laughing about a dish I read on a menu in my dream called Cob on the Coleslaw.)

Next year I'm going to have to sleep in the shed.

At this point it's pretty safe to say I have allergies but I can't seem to find the medicine that will reliably fix my symptoms. It's pretty obvious I'm allergic to Gary. Anyone want an enormous cat? 

Max is suffering from a similar malady, what I thought was the beginnings of swine flu has dragged on and on for two weeks. I kept him home yesterday just waiting for the fever to start, for something to happen. Instead we sat on the sofa watching movies and coughing on each other. With loving feelings in our hearts. This morning he didn't cough at all, and was only mildly sniffly....so I sent him to school.

....where he'll surely catch the flu so that's just wonderful.

=============================

I've started knitting again, something I haven't done in years. I did not teach myself before you ask, I took a class that sort of developed into a knitting circle where the teacher would show me how to do everything 50 times because I could never remember things like making increases.

I bought my yarn on Thursday afternoon and, thanks to the wonderful world of free knitting tutorial videos online, I've been able to refresh my memory without having to walk around the block to the knitting store every four rows to ask for help.

I knit furiously for 5 days, staying up until 3am one night because I created beautiful raglan yokes (for the sleeves) on this sweater and the triumph was like crack cocaine. I didn't think I'd ever sleep again. Finally, after knitting for 4 hours straight yesterday, (while coughing in Max's face), I put the knitting down.

When I went to sleep I began to dream about knitting the sleeves, because it's a technique I've never done before and I can't seem to wrap my brain around how it will work. I have a lot of lame dreams, I dream I forget to pay the babysitter, I dream about running the errands I have on my list for the next day, I dream about inexplicable menu items like Cob on the Coleslaw.

But this dream about knitting a sleeve was just intolerable. I kept waking up and trying to think of something else to dream about, something more exciting like how I was going to do laundry the next day, but inevitably my brain would go back to knitting. Which also happened when I first discovered that sudoku is an excellent mind numbing puzzle game. 

This concludes Explanation #1: Why Melissa Has Never Touched Illegal Drugs (I may have lightly grazed one briefly. But I don't even count that as illegal.)

Comments

[Kate in Ohio]

We have also been coughing on each other for about two weeks. It started with fever and aches and is now an energy sucking cough that makes me wallow in my sorrows. Here is thinking good, healing thoughts for you and for me!

[Mitzi]

Sorry you feel bad! No fun.
Do you read http://booshay.blogspot.com/ - she's been doing a knitting tutorial. I don't knit, but I sew. I make quilts.
Anyway, you probably already read Miz Booshay but just in case...

[Cassie]

Have you tried a neti pot? It is weird and a little uncomfortable at first, but afterwards, it is AMAZING. I credit it with finally clearing my head enough to stop coughing and get to sleep.

[pcbklyn]

Cob on the Coleslaw = pure awesomeness! It should be a song, like Turkey in The Straw. But it should also be a food. Somehow.

[Alyson]

The coughing thing might be GERD, or the acid contributing to your sinus and bronchial passages being unable to heal properly. I had chronic sinus infections and bronchitis a few times a year -- and it always left me with the most nagging annoying cough -- and it was finally my allergist who figured it out. I raised the head of my bed on blocks ( http://www.restright.com/about.html ) and cut some stuff out of my diet (http://heartburn.about.com/cs/dietfood/a/heartburnfoods3.htm ) and it has made a world of difference. Never needed Prevacid or any of that. I had no idea I'd been feeling that bad, as a baseline, until it all went away, and I was like, "oooohhh, *this* is what healthy feels like. Got it." Colds last a few days, and I rarely, if ever, get anything worse than that.

[Lisame]

Get a dog! It counteracts the allergies of a cat.

[amie]

I have the same craptastic cold/allergy won't go away cough thing. I call it consumption. Just went to the doc today to get some more meds.

[Mandee]

Those persistent, annoying, never-ending maladies are so frustrating, but trust me. You don't this swine flu. My asthma flared up last Thursday and I thought, "I'm going to remember how miserable I am and be more sympathetic the next time somebody has a cold." That lasted until I apparently got run over by a mack truck in my sleep Friday night and my Saturday afternoon self just laughed and laughed at my naive Thursday afternoon self.

Feel better.

[LL in Plymouth MI]

I have had the same malady for the past 2-2.5 weeks and also live in suburban Detroit - it's the first fall where I've ever had allergies. What is going on?

[jenstate]

I used a cocktail of claritin, nasacort aq, sudafed and tylenol. You can also try BAX 3000 therapy. You can read about it at www dot biovedawellness dot com. Good luck!!

[Vanessa]

The coughing crud has been around our house, off and on, since school started in September. I wish I knew how to get rid of it, but no luck yet!

Also, re: your Twitter post about Maddie's feet, my daughter is also almost 11 and wears a women's 8 1/2, which is the same size I wear. My black Converse recently became her black Converse just because she'd worn them so many times I forgot they were mine. Frightening.

[lizneust]

This is your first winter in this house, right? Could there be a weather-related allergen in the house or near the house for you and Max? I lived in an apt once where the heating system made me sneeze for about a month when it kicked on each year. Or maybe there's some kind of mold issue in the house or yard? You might want to try spending a week on an allergy drug just to see if it helps.

Good luck and I hope you both feel better soon.

[Eleanor]

And even better then the cough and cold we are all sharing here is when the Triaminic wears off and I am nose to nose with a 7 year old at 3 am. Who is boring a hole into my head with her big wide eyes...
Colds suck.

[kate]

Wish I could send you some of my french saline nasal spray. It's in a sort of aerosol thing with a little pointy tip and kicks the ass of those squeezy little cruddy bottles. I stand in the shower and shoot it up my nose. Works wonders. I swear.

[joaaanna]

Cob on the Coles makes me laugh and laugh!

[joaaanna]

Uhh make that ColesLAW - wtf Jo?

[uncouthheathen]

I hear the Whooping Cough is making a pretty big comeback this year. Could that explain the long-lasting cough? My partner had it, took antibiotics after finally being diagnosed and was told it'd be another 6-8 weeks before her cough finally went away. We are waiting patiently.

I've had sinus issues for years and years, even after a sinus surgery that was supposed to fix everything. My ENT suggested that I use a waterpik instead of a neti pot or bulb syringe. They actually make a special nose attachment, if you can fucking believe that! Anyhow, it's better that anything else I've tried.

[Jill]

I'll take your cat, but you have to take my dog.

[Adrienne]

For the cat, try Allerpet-C. It's a liquid that you rub on the cat about once a week and it works wonders. My son and I are miserably allergic to cats and since we started using the Allerpet, nothing.

For the allergies/cough, try Singulair. Or at least ask your doctor about it. My son has allergies and Cough Variant Asthma and the Singulair has totally changed his life (and his sleep).

Good luck!

[Karly]

I got really into the whole genealogy thing awhile back and my dreams EVERY NIGHT for MONTHS involved me searching the ancestry.com website for ridiculous names. It was horrible and, honestly, the main reason I gave up on the whole thing.

I was laughing out loud at you laughing in your sleep.

[amy]

I am the woman you do NOT want to share a hotel room with and it SUCKS. I snore, bad..

My sis and I recently spent a night in Brugges Belgium. Wonderful locale right? Yeah, you spend the day worrying that your older sis will be able to sleep the night.. So younger sis and I got her drunk, gave her a xanax and earplugs. She slept through :)

Oh and not only do I snore apparently but since I was a child I talk (and when sick walk) in my sleep. According to one roomie I had years ago I said something SO embarrassing that he refused to tell me. I let it go. (20 years later I am still wondering WTF did I say??)

Yeah, I am the one that is hesitant about grown up adult sleepovers (hotels). I am the one you do NOT want to end up with..

[amy]

Send Gary over.

[fitness supplements]

I am nose to nose with a 7 year old at 3 am.I credit it with finally clearing my head enough to stop coughing and get to sleep.

[Mamasoo]

This may sound weird, but see a chiropractor and use a Neti Pot. I've been doing both for about 3 years (for other reasons) and I haven't had a cold/flu in all that time.

(Now I probably jinxed me-self...)

My family has the flu now, I commute on the NYC subways daily, and I work in a cube farm where people are always hacking on me. Me? Not so much as a sniffle.

[Marci]

Melissa, I have been following your twitter posts and I just want to say that I am sending get well thoughts your way. Try to have a relaxing weekend. Don't worry too much which I know is difficult. Keep us posted.

[Swistle]

Our whole family has had fever and then endless coughing. I am about to remove my head.

[nicole]

oK, Unsolicited advice. Allergies - try garlic and horseradish pills (usually with vitamin C), I take it for mine, I take double the dose. Don't expect an overnight miracle.

Additionally - try olive leaf extract for the cough etc. Trust me, tastes absolutely foul, but it's the shizzzle. Most health food stores should be able to help. Again, an not overnight fix.

[bec]

I know that comments are closed above for a reason, but I want you to know that I've lurked here for years. I love your writing and have grown to care so much for your family and most of all for you. I'm sending all the good thoughts I can your way, letting the Universe know that it will have us to answer to if this is anything more than an infection.

Blessings and peace to you.

[Clare]

I just want to second Bec's comments above. I know that you're the last person who would seek sympathy so I can't say anymore but I'm very, very cross that such crap even DARE come your way!

[First Raitt]

Could be this... https://health.google.com/health/ref/Sarcoidosis

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Like the commenters above, I can't not comment. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I will be sending you positive energy and hoping for the best possible news. This sucks. So much.

[L.]

Positive energy, luck and good thoughts to you and yours. Be good to yourself, and ignore anyone who isn't good to you.

[Chrishina Hart]

Ditto as Bec above..word for word. xoxo

[Chrishina Hart]

Ditto as Bec above..word for word. xoxo

[Katherine]

Thinking about you. A lot. So sorry this is happening to you. Wish I could bring you wine and rub your feet.

[Pam]

Bec took the words tight outa my mouth. Be well, m'friend.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

You know we're just going to keep cheating on the comments, right? Just know that as you worry a stranger in San Diego worries with you.

People that can just "not borrow trouble?" I admire them, but I do not understand them.

[kate]

It's true; you can't leave any comment options open because the internet will find a way to talk to you!

Like Logan, I'm not a worrier. It's not that we don't believe bad things could happen to us or those we love, it's that we know we'll be alright whatever happens. Because we don't really have a choice, right? Forgive the old saw, but as they say "you can't control what happens to you, all you can control is how you handle it." So yeah, if the worst-case scenario happens, well, the two (4) of you will stick together and get through it.

So even though I can't worry OR pray for you (godless heathen, sorry) add me to the list of readers/fans who are thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

xo

[kate]

PS. Have you (or will you) forgive me for the LICE thing?? :)

[Josephine]

Take care. Sending good thoughts and worrying lots on your behalf.

[christy]

You're in my thoughts and I hope all things turns out well for you. Know that many are sending you good thoughts.

[spas with accommodation]

I hate Swine Flu. These kind of decease that never cure soon and the danger swings from life.