Halloween 2009: Bacon Edition

I kind of hate dressing up for Halloween. I know there are people who think I am "crafty" and that perhaps I "enjoy" making things, but this is generally untrue.

Generally I like things to be finished, so however I can get to "finished" as fast as possible is how I go.

I have friends who LOVE dressing up for Halloween, sometimes even throwing in an extra night of dressing up like we looked in the 80's. Except that of course they love this because these friends have had four kids and can still wear their prom dress.

I did not attend prom, my thigh might be able to wear a dress I would have worn to prom in the 80's and also I spent pretty much every day of the 80's thinking my life would always suck as badly as it did right then.

So, ahem, my friends and I are on different pages as far as dressing up in costume is concerned. They love it. I do not.

For the last 4 years I've managed to be something reasonably lame at the annual Halloween party. I slapped a mustache on one year, wore a bandit mask another, oh and there was that regrettable year I was what I like to call, "What was available one hour before the party began."

This year I had big plans to be bacon! I know everyone on the internet is So Over bacon but I live in the Midwest where everyone is just starting to "get" the bacon joke (and the mustache joke), so put a lid on it San Francisco.

I bookmarked this costume months ago and had every intention of amazing my friends with my magical full-on-effort-exerted costume. Until I priced the foam ($15 a YARD?) and started to read through the directions...at step 9 (of 17) I was out.

Like I said, I like things that are finished.

Instead Logan had a friend at work in possession of a Cookie Monster costume which I wore to the delight of my friends.

The costume was fine except that I was hot as hell and I nearly died of dehydration. I had to spend the entire night outside in the back yard trying not to pass out. (I hate Halloween.)

The only problem I was left with after that hot sweaty night proving to my friends that I don't ALWAYS have a lame costume, was that I told Madison she could be bacon after I was done with the costume and now there was no costume.

I procrastinated and thought about how I could get out of making a bacon costume. I tried to buy one but it was expensive and was really just a stupid bacon scarf. I just wanted it to be finished as that is the goal of all my projects. Done, quickly.

Finally, last week after we came home from our relaxing trip up north I braved the fabric store wearing full body armor. I hate the fabric store, I know I'm not alone because I saw the bodies of several small children laying in the aisles, dead, after waiting for their mothers to stop looking at fabric already.

I moved quickly locating red, pink and white felt. If you don't want to die at the fabric store you have to move.

I needed something to make the top of the bacon stay square but I was no way in hell going to buy a full suit of foam at $15 a yard. (Hate Halloween) So I found a square piece of foam that cost $10 (Stop taking my money Halloween) and took that.

I stood in line at the cutting table for 39 hours, when it was my turn I jammed the scissors into my eyeball and then asked for 4 yards of the red felt (eyeballing how tall I think Maddie is), 1 yard of the pink and a half yard of the white.

I didn't even take pictures of the process because I performed the task with such terrible haste and annoyance. But here's how I did it.

I traced around the back of Madison's head and cut a circle out of the foam square. I had her put her face inside the hole, draped the red felt over her making sure the felt covered just the back of her head and most of her front. I marked where to cut the face opening out of the red felt and I then stapled it into place.

The next day I made rough strips of white and pink and hot glued them to the front.

Maddie loved the costume mainly because everyone yelled, "HEY! It's Bacon!" at her as she trick or treated. People also said, "You just take whatever you want." from their bowls of candy because she was Bacon and people can't resist it. 

And best of all, it's finished.

Comments

[RebeccaLand]

Swine is divine!
2 gold stars for your mad costume skills.

[brie]

It is...AWESOME! And Maddy looks so happy to be bacon!

[Andrea]

Awesome! You're a great mom.

[Shannon]

Nice job! I love how excited Maddie looks!

[Mary]

So fun!! Sounds a lot easier than that other bacon costume, and it is just as cute. What did Max go as?

[Rebecca]

I know it is controversial and unpopular to say, but I HATE HALLOWEEN too. So much freaking effort to wear a stinky, itchy, uncomfortable costume and the only saving grace is if you can drink enough that you might forget your uncomfortableness.

Halloween is for the kids and for them I will persist but once they are grown that`s it.

Bacon Looked great. One of my twins went as a witch for the third year in a row and the other went as a doll (the same costume as the Christmas play last year) Easy Peasy.

PS I hate the phone too. Must be a certain gene.

[Ashley]

Awesome! I love the bacon costume!!

[jen]

The bacon turned out awesome!
We don't do Halloween either - no candy, no costumes, rarely jack-o-lanterns. It's not that we have some deeply philosophical reason for not celebrating, either... it's just that the kids that come to our neighborhood are selfish, grabby, teenaged jerks, and we don't like going to parties when 90% of the other people on the road are drunk. This may change when we move out of Toledo, but for now... meh. "Turn off the porch light, honey. Ooh look, Young Frankenstein is on!"

[MichelleRenee]

I love bacon.
What a great idea.

[Jill]

Brilliant costume! I hate the days following Halloween even more than I hate the actual day. Can I have some candy? Can I have some now? How but now? But when is later? Is it later now? Can I have some candy? Candy? Candy? CANDY!!!

[Amira @ Define"Mature"]

Firstly, the cookie monster was always my favorite sesame street character.

Secondly, I don't like bacon (gasp, I know! actually I never really had it so......) but I'm digging the costume!

I would let her pick as much candy as she wants too.

[elsimom]

I'm impressed. For someone not crafty, that's pretty dang bacon-y!!

[kates]

Dude, I stopped reading that other costume at step 1. I am so with you on the best projects being the ones that are done like now. Yours is so simple I might actually be able to do it, and I think it looks better than the one in the link, so way to be awesome & thanks for sharing instructions.

[stacyfrompgh]

I hate Halloween too! It is a holiday for kids that has been turned into a drunk fest for the 21+ crowd. And my son, who is at university, had many young friends who paid way too much for a "Sexy (fill in the blank)" costume. What ever happened to making one's own costume and leaving it for the kids??

Great for you and your bacon. It turned out great. Thanks for the homemade costume.

[meg]

So nice to know there are fellow Halloween-haters out there :) I do like giving out candy and seeing the little ones dressed up, but thinking about costumes for myself makes me tired.

[Vanessa]

The bacon turned out great! Who cares how it gets done as long as it gets done?

Last year my daughter wanted to be a skunk, and because I had not purchased the appropriate cotton batting at the same time as the fake fur, and I didn't want to go back to the fabric store, her skunk tail was stuffed with two rolls of wadded-up paper towels and then stapled together. I don't THINK anyone noticed ...

[bonzai]

How about this for a heart attack on a plate?
Deep-fried, breaded bacon, atop a hockey puck of cheese polenta. It was divine.

[mim]

I like Maddie's costume!

Also, I'm in the Bay Area, and I'm not over bacon. I can't imagine being over bacon. :)

[beyond]

you had me at bacon. great costume. mmmh. i don't like halloween very much because of the commercialization, and the slutty children's costumes. so a homemade bacon costume is right up my alley.

[kris]

my son was a piece of cherry pie. and that was his idea. his grandmother made it. it did not look 100% like pie...

[amy]

You did good mom :)

Look forward to the days when they are older and can't stand to have you involved (unless you are driving) in their costume choice. Good times but go by too fast! First year I had none of my kids out in the street begging for candy. Kind of miss it; used to get great reject candy.

[GirlsGoneChild]

I've always been a sucker for bacon made from non-animal materials. BRILLIANT. A+.

[lynne]

I love Halloween, but my rule is the preparations for it should not take the fun out of it. Therefore I buy discounted costumes after Halloween and give them to my daughter at Christmas as "dress up clothes" - come Halloween next year, she just picks from the costumes she already has. This year she was a witch - easy, classic, already in the basket, done. While trick or treating we saw a kid dressed as Twister - with the mat made into a dress and the spinny board on her head like a graduation hat. Her mom is clearly far craftier than me. As you are - awesome bacon!!

[Zandor]

That costume is awesome.

[reen]

Brilliant, and she looks thrilled! And the bacon trend will NEVER end in my book!

[mythoughtsonthat]

Oh my goodness! So great!

[Liam's Grandma]

You are a good mom.

[Jessica]

Maddie looks SO happy. Well done! BTW, what did Max go as?

[northerngurl]

Great costume! Thank God for staples and hot glue. I once covered a couch that way.

[Nancy]

Nice work indeed. :)

For future reference...this year was my easiest costume ever, created the day of our party. Big paper garden-waste bag, turned inside out so the Canadian Tire logo didn't show and worn over tights and a t-shirt. Paper crown on my head that my kids decorated. Presto - the paper bag princess from the Robert Munsch story!

Presuming Americans know Robert Munsch...?

Cheers.

[Franca Bollo]

All that's missing is the mustache!

[Mars]

Bacon = oxygen. PERIOD.

[Barb]

Excellent job. And you are crafty; don't deny it!

[siobhan]

Awesome costume. Every year my wish is for one of my kids to want to be something funny for Halloween like Bacon. Every year it's the same damn thing. Fairies, ninjas, or gangsters.

[Erin]

In no way is this a half-assed job. Look at the HUGE smile on Miss Normally Bershon's face! You rock and God forbid a day comes when you aren't here, your children have fabulous memories of you and your efforts. You are a good mom, and even more than that, you are a fun one!