Portrait and an update

A few months ago I came across Jennifer Maher's custom toy portraits site via a blog I can't remember now. That's the problem with a reader, I can never remember which site lead me where. I'm looking at my feeds and then blam-o I'm at an excellent porn site and I can't even remember who led me there.

Or maybe I just ended up there.

I love these toy portraits because Maddie is a huge fan of stuffed animals and has had a couple favorites over the years. Now that she's ELEVEN (!!!) I'm sure she'll be feeling the pressure to put them away soon. I want her to have a memento.

I shared this find on Twitter and mentioned how nice it would be to have a portrait of Choppable. Remember Choppable? Here's the story if you don't remember.....but how could you forget. 

Jennifer saw it and she took me seriously. She likes a challenge.

 

Even better she's sending it to me. It's going in our bathroom so that our guests are terrified.

Thank you Jennifer!

*********

The doctor called last night. The good news is two of the spots are clear. The bad news is one is opaque, which means it can't just be dismissed as nothing. It could be a scar from an undiagnosed case of tuberculosis, it could be a lesion from sarcoidosis, or it could be cancer.

Which? If I have cancer in my lung then fuck you second hand smoke.  

The next step is a PPD test for tuberculosis....and then if I have had TB we do another scan in 4 months to see if that spot has grown. If I did not have TB we look at it again in 2 months.

Overall this is good news, if all three spots were opaque, we'd be much more concerned. But...I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled the doctor didn't call to tell me everything was clear and now we just go forward trying nasal spray and an extra dose of antiacid to get rid of this stupid cough.

Instead I'm still coughing and now I'm waiting another 2-4 months to see if cancer is growing in my lung.

Not bad news and that's good. But not the news I wanted.

Comments

[ella]

Love the portrait of Choppable. :)

Glad to hear the doctor called with some good news. I've been thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way!!

[Heather]

Hooray for not bad news! Hope that all future news is also not bad. :)

LOVE the Choppable portrait. I would scare the pee right out of me.

[Collin]

I have been thinking of you this week. Thanks for the update. Good news!

[kate]

Thanks for the update; so glad it's Not Bad News! So when do you go in for the PPD?

Jesus, Choppable is terrifying.

[bec]

Love, love, love the portrait of Choppable.

Bleh with the waiting, but yea on two clear spots! Oh, and Universe, you're still on notice.

Hang in there, Melissa.

[Laura]

Yay sortof good news. Does one have TB and not know it? Let us know when your test is.

That thing still freaks me out.

[April]

Good on the Not Bad News, I have been thinking good thoughts for you all week.

[slouchy]

glad for the not bad news, anyway.

[AnEmily]

At least maybe all of our internet worrying helped a little? I'll just keep on thinking the good thoughts for you, it'll be alright.
(Could the coughing be something in the new house? Mold? How long have you been in there? Just throwing that out there.)

[Anyabeth]

Well thank god the internet was worrying. If we worry enough before the next test we can get rid of that one last spot. And possibly the cough.

[snickollet]

Thank you for the update. Not Bad, although also Not Definitive, is better than Not Good.

I hope you can enjoy a worry-free weekend.

[Jennifer P]

Yay for not bad news! You have lots of people sending positive energy to get you through the waiting period.

[Amy]

The internets breathe a sigh of relief. Thank you in all of your worrying and fretting to even think of blogging about it. I usually go in to a cave during those times!

[Chookooloonks]

Holy shit, Melissa. Hang in there. Glad things are progressing.

K.

[Crash Course Cardiologist]

Hi Melissa -- while I'm glad to hear 2 of the spots are clear, please consider getting a second opinion on the third one. "Watchful waiting," even for a couple of months, is not a good approach if one of the possibilities could potentially be lung cancer. Just concerned about you ...

[hillary]

So glad to hear it is not bad news. The waiting part though...I think that would drive me nuts. I will keep worrying for you. Hopefully that will take care of the third spot.

[Dawn]

Glad for the news, and hope that you can rest a little easier now. Sending continued good juju your way.

And the Choppable portrait is quite possibly the most fantastic thing I have ever seen. She even painted where Chop's (I can call him that, he and I are likethis) brains are coming unspooled...genius.

[Jenn]

So we didn't worry *quite* hard enough. I will try to do better over the next few months...which, 2-4 months? Holy hell.

[beyond]

hurray for the Not Bad News. the portrait makes Choppable look less terrifying than in real life.

[Catherine]

If your TB test comes back negative, I would definately get a second opinion about the spot in you lung, lung cancer is extremely aggressive, so you need to catch it immediately, also many women who never smoke get lung cancer, ask about a PET scan or a biopsy..I know this info unfortunately first hand...

[Clare]

Phew!
I'm still annoyed though.
And if only one of them is opaque, does that mean the other two are transparent? What does that mean? See-through spots?!
I'm bloody confused and two thirds relieved!

[Kate at And Then I Was a Mom]

Oh, so relieved for you. In the meantime, just keep remembering the Squeaky Wheel Mantra: I promise to bother as many doctors I want until I have the answers I need. Seriously.

[AshleyN]

Commence more worrying immediately. I was hoping they would tell you it was lint and you were forbidden from every doing laundry again.

[~T]

I'm glad to hear you have only 1/3 the worrying to do. If it turns out not to be TB please, please, do not let the doctors wait for 2 months to determine if it's growing. I'm in agreement with Catherine, demand a PET scan or a biopsy. If it turns out to be nothing, you'll save yourself (and your readers) two whole months of worrying. If it turns out to be something, you'll have a jump on kicking its ass. Thinking of you.

[KateB]

Glad you got okay news, but I wish you didn't have to have this hanging over your head for the holidays.

Since I am a new-ish reader, I did not know who Choppable was so clicked that link. First of all, that is the scariest "toy" I have ever seen. Secondly, I had the same teddy bear as you did! You just made my day seeing that old bear. I still have mine, too. Have a great weekend!

[Sheila]

Oh, man. Not terrible news but not an all-clear signal either. It's like some kind of Purgatory. Hang in there. I'll pick up some worry for you.

[jiru]

I'm doing some worrying for you and I don't even know you! Glad to hear about the transparent spots. I guess TB would be better than lung cancer, right? Do listen to what others have said about not waiting if it turns out not to be TB. We really need to follow our instincts and be aggressive about our health care these days. Here's something that might cheer you up! While on a cruise to Alaska in June this year, I met several of Choppable's cousins. As in about 5 of them (shudder). They are living in "Dolly's House" in Ketchikan. Dolly Arthur was a famous prostitute and they've made her house into a museum. I tried to take some pictures for you, and mysteriously, they did not turn out. But I thought you might want to know that there are others out there...

[Beth C]

I have been holding my breath for you to get some news and I am glad that the news you got was OK although waiting is never fun. As has been said before we will pick up some of the worrying for you.

When I first read about Choppable he reminded me so much of my mom's childhood stuffed animal Chippy. Chippy is definitely a monkey but a very scary monkey like Choppable. My mom always wanted me to like Chippy but as a child he terrified me.

[MrsChaos]

Well, damn. I'm sorry it wasn't exactly the news you were hoping for. I am glad that it isn't bad news, either.

Get better!

[Lisa]

Being a lifelong worrier (seriously I have perfected it like some kind of artform) You have been on my mind since your initial scary post this week, and damn, I don't even know you Melissa!! Like some other commenters here have said, you now have permission to worry only 33% of your initial freakout quota. I am sending good thoughts your way and seriously hope all this turn out to be nothing serious. I really enjoy your blog and think you are a very cool chick. Signed,
Lisa (aka worrywartextraordinare)

P.S. 2009 has been such a suckass year for everyone I know, I seriously can not wait for 2010. Bring it!

[Sara]

Happy for the update -- guess all of my worrying paid off a little bit! Hoping for the best possible resolution, but most of all hope you feel better soon.
That Choppable portrait is amazing! Now I'm trying to think of toys I'd like to have memorialized.
Be well!

[Melissa]

So glad for the semi-good news. You've been in my prayers. Try not to think about it, and whatever you do, don't try to research it on the internet. The worry only makes you more anxious and miserable, and the internet will just scare you to death.

[Jen]

I have now let out 2/3 of the breath I was holding. I'm not sure that I can go 2-4 months and still hold onto that last 1/3 breath. So, I'm with everyone else -- if they can't definitively say what it is or isn't, well, MAKE THEM!

I've had an incredibly stress-filled fall (I've actually lost weight without even trying, just by not having time to eat, for the first time ever in my life). I was delighted to donate some of my nervous energy to worrying for you. Just let us know as soon as you've got an all clear and I can find new worry subjects.

[Noelle Buttry]

Been thinking of you all week....I wish it was all-clear too but like you said, better than all three opaque. Will still continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love the portrait too!

[t]

Ooh ... if only the internets had more time to worry for you before the test! We could have knocked out all three of those spots on the power of worry alone! Does no word on your lymph nodes mean that they're not a concern?

In all seriousness, I'm glad for you that the news wasn't scarier. Take care.

[Lisa]

I'm someone who has read your blog regularly for at least a couple of years, and has only commented once. I think you seem like a funny, sweet, real, classy lady who isn't afraid to show her vulnerability and doesn't feel the need to appear perfect. I'm so sorry to hear that you're having this health scare. I'll be wishing the very best for you and I'm sure everything will turn out ok. I know it's easier said than done, but just try to do anything you can to stay calm and relaxed. Deep breathing, bubble baths, meditation, relaxation exercises, a few drinks (lol), etc. Stress can hurt your body physically, as I'm sure you know. Take care and take it easy. Best of luck and e-hugs to you.

Lisa

[Molly]

Choppable? Is just insane.

I think that, despite the fact that the cup is indeed half empty as well as the other thing, that it would be delightfully Victorian to be able to tell people that you have The Consumption.

Glad the news is good, delightful Victorianess aside.

[kathleen]

I've been reading your blog for a couple of years and just
adore your honesty and bravery and sense of humor.

That being said, set up an appt. for a second opinion
immediately. That's all I'm going to say. Not wanting to
scare you, but wanting you to be INCREDIBLY pro-active
with your health. You bet that your doctor would not wait 2-4
months to see what happens. I'd make the appt. before the
tb test, just to have it there if you need it.

I'm also going to recommend (not to sound hokey) visualization
of healthy, strong, spot free lungs. Do some meditation alone for 20 minutes, twice a day and just visualize the spots being decimated and your lungs being clear.....

Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your
way.

[amy]

So glad to hear of the 'not bad news'. That said I think Kathleen has a great idea. Second opinion.. And third if you can afford it.

That way you have a more rounded idea of what is going on. Hopefully and probably nothing!

Sorry you have to go through all of this. I tend to think I am a lot like you and I don't do worry well. See a few more doctors, reassure yourself..

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I'm so happy it was not the worst news.

I have learned several things in my experiences with cancer in my family and one is that it is essential--absolutely essential--to get a second opinion. It is preferable if you seek one in another city. All of the doctors in your area attend the same continuing ed. so will hold similar opinions. I know you don't know me, but I hope you do this.

Hopefully you do not have cancer--and I'm optimistic you don't because generally by the time you would have symptoms of lung cancer (the cough) the cancer would have spread--and that is not the case it sounds like.

I hope I'm not overstepping, but unfortunately I have received quite the education in this area.

[Judy Reilly Brousseau]

I agree with the second opinion folks. Not awful is great, great, great news and you are right to be grateful and realize many people do not get that lovely feeling of relief. And you aren't courting drama and I'd slap myself for fueling useless drama on anyone. As a former and 20 year recovered (is that right?) cancer patient of a cancer that was "rare" and a "zebra when we're taught to to look for horses" and all that, I couldn't now wait 2 months without a second opinion. For all your obvious strengths, you don't really strike me as a calm waiter either, so do us both a favor and get that question mark resolved or at least resolved as a reasonable question mark to leave alone. Do it for me! And no, I do not think that's an unreasonable request to make.

And the portrait is perfect. She did not get the flat out wrongness and revulsion the original inspired in sentient beings, but she did better - she revealed the flaws perfectly, but as lovable and loved traits. Oh art; I can't stay mad at you. ;)

so happy for the good news.
Judy

[bj]

I've been reading for a while but have never commented before, though I enjoy your sense of humor and your *will they eat it* posts (I have a picky girl too )

But, I wanted to comment that there is a newer TB test that can be used in addition to the PPD. I can't remember it's name off hand, but it is a blood test that can be read faster than the PPD. There may be clinical reasons why you need the PPD, but I'd also ask after that test.

[Josephine]

My cousin has had sarcoidosis for about 25 years (he's got the chronic kind, obviously). He's fine. He has lung x-rays on a regular basis. He's been on prednisone a few times over the years but never for very long.

Whatever is going on in your lungs, I hope it's something that can be cleared up easily or will go away on its own.

[Alison C]

You know since I read the news I have been so worried for you. Glad that the news is not so bad.

Because I always assume the worst I thought it was never going be totally good news and I was thinking that TB would be the least worse news. (A long course of antibiotics but that's not so bad, right?). So I am still hoping that its that in the end.

[Carla]

I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis about fifteen years ago, after having a long cold, followed by bronchitis, and a never ending cough. The doctor saw a few little spots on my lungs on a chest xray. She prescribed prednisone and then sent me to a lung specialist, who did a biopsy. By that time I was almost better, and have not had a reoccurence since. I'm hoping that you are as fortunate as I was.

[ellen]

Are any of the Mom Blogs talking about ObamaCare yet? Are they talking about the new recommendations for cervical cancer screenings and mammograms? I'm not sure where you stand politically but women are being thrown under the bus here. Hope and Change I guess.

[Melissa Summers]

Those recommendations are not from the federal government so have nothing to do with Obama.

Please give me a break.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Shannon]

I didn't worry enough! I was worried about that... I am redoubling my worrying to wipe out that last 1/3. TB is relatively treatable and as others have mentioned, so delightfully Steampunk-retro. Sarcoidosis sounds less awful than cancer and has the bonus of being a frequently mentioned option on House. Sorry for the mixed news. Hope you can get some real answers soon. 2-4 months is a very long time to wait :-(

[ellen]

I truely do hope that you are going to be okay. I just feel as though some people are putting heads in the sand. The US Preventive Service Task Force is appointed by the government. This is all about rationing out health-care, it's about money, it's about a new healthcare plan that will ruin the best health care system in the world. Everyone comes to the U.S. for special surgery, cancer treatments etc..Come on.

[Lee]

Melissa - yes, what about the lymph nodes? What would cause them to be swolen?

[Melissa Summers]

The task force recommending the new guidelines is NOT government appointed.

You don't want universal health care but argue with facts please

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Lena]

Yes, while you worry about your own health, Melissa, please do worry about the entire country's health too.

Jeez, people.

[Stacey]

Hi! I'm been following Snick for years and found you through her blog. I'm so sorry about the stress you've been through these last couple of weeks. And not to add more BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, DO NOT WAIT! This same situation happened with my mother. She was incredilbly health conscious, vegetarian, worked out at the gym every day and NEVER smoked--hated to be around it. The held off on assuming it was cancer bc she didn't fit the profile, and her doctor took a let's wait a couple of months and check on it attitude too, the outcome wasn't good. By the time they understood, well this isn't clearing up, it had spread. Lung Cancer in NON-SMOKING WOMEN has risen at an unbelievable rate. If you were a smoker they would have not waited around. PUSH to have more testing NOW. Make an appointment with a pulmonologist (or a different one, if you're already seeing one)I know this is totally unsolicited advice and advice that brings you more stress, and I'm sorry, but having been through what my family went through, I could not just sit here and say nothing. Please just don't let them wait because you don't fit the typical profile..that profile is changing. If it is cancer ( and I will tell you that I praying for you and your family) then you can actually deal with it and LIVE when it's treated at this stage, but if you wait, it's a whole nother game.

[willikat]

Hey!

To echo a couple of others: I would get a second opinion on that third spot. Not that you need my assvice. But be aggressive. You don't want that thing growing for four more months if you can avoid it, right?

You do NOT have lung cancer, but let's just be clear with facts--there are a couple different kinds, some from smoking (or secondhand) and some not.

Don't wait.

I'm so glad that the news is good thus far (and that it will continue to be). I will continue to worry for you until there is no more worrying to do.

[Laura]

So sorry that the news wasn't better... we're still pulling for you!

Love,
The Internet

[Erika]

I had a somewhat similiar but different stuffed animal as well and his name was Ging Ging Ba Ba, said really fast. Maybe it is the uncertaintity of the animal that leads to such a weird name.

My husband had a questionable spot on his kidney a couple of years ago. The first doctor we saw wanted to just take his kidney out! We got a second opinion and they said it was not serious. When he went back the next year for a follow-up, the spot had shrunk and was really nothing. I wrote all that to say, keep thinking positive and second opinions are available.

[Meg McG]

Well at least you have something to worry about, right? ;)
Glad the news was mostly good. Being of the same type of personality as your husband I'm sure everything will be fine.

Meg*

*from back in the Blogging Baby days. Does this make me some kind of weirdo stalker? I don't know.

[ellen]

Sorry. I'm sorry. I should not be direction my anger and frustration at you. My Mom passed away a year ago today from a type of cervical cancer. Guess I'm just redirecting the hurt. Sorry. Hope you will be better than fine. I'll say a prayer for you.

[lorrie]

I don't know much about medicine, but I'm not comfortable with this wait and see attitude that your docs are recommending. I don't think they'd make their family members wait.

[Leslie]

I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis last year, 1.5 months before my wedding.

Yeah, that sucked.

But just to jump in for a sec... my doc recommended a wait-for-a-bit approach and it saved me from rushing into Prednisone (icky side-effects) and a bronchoscopy. He told me that if it was in fact a lymphoma, the 8 weeks would not make a difference in treatment options or survival rates. And, this was the recommendation from one of the top Sarcoid docs at the Mayo Clinic.

While I can understand the fear from waiting, in my case I'm SO glad I did. And the recommendation is not always for a conspiracy-related reason. Sometimes it's best for the patient...

(the tomato throwing may now commence...)

[Elizabeth]

Melissa,

Thank you for the update! I am thinking about you and sending good thoughts. I am sure you are going to be fine, but I also agree with the advice to get a second opinion as soon as possible -- it never hurts to be thorough and careful.

Be well!
Elizabeth

[Alexis]

Hi Melissa,

I just discovered your blog and though I'm sure you are tired of these stories, my recent experience with my mom and her lung makes me want to share.

My mom was just diagnosed with stage I lung cancer. She had a scan that picked up a spot. It was small enough that one doc thought it could have been old TB or a bronchitis scar and decided to leave it for 4 months and do a follow-up. However a lung doc really pushed for a biopsy and it turned out to an early stage cancer.

I would also push for a biopsy because a 4-6 month wait is far too long IF you do have something growing in there. Early is best! Given the presence of the other spots, hopefully none of this cancer talk will matter for you.

Best wishes -

[amanda]

Melissa, Sorry about the unclear answers.

Funny, I had the exact same teddy bear you did...and knowing my parents it either came from Sears or the S&H green stamps store!!

The monkey man is scary, however the portrait seems to soften the scary a bit!

[Michelle]

My little sister had the same bear as you did, too. It is a very nice and cute bear.

Glad to hear you are getting some news on the lung front. Not great, but not abjectly horrible.

[die Frau]

Not sure this will help, but my husband is similar to Logan and his mantra is, "I don't worry until I'm told there's something to worry about." I think it's a male-female thing; we love to worry and wallow in it.

Whatever happens, we'll be with you and, more importantly, so will your family. That may sound trite, but you're not alone.

[mags]

The artist has truly captured the essence of Choppable...creepy yet lovable.

I have to agree with those who have suggested both a second opinion and a PET scan. Unfortunately I have had too much experience with cancer in my family. My brother had colon cancer, and after chemo they declared it in remission until he had a PET scan which showed that in fact it had grown and spread to his liver! CAT scans vary in their quality, but PET scans give far more detailed images. I also have to say that you have to be your own advocate and fight for the tests you need. Doctors are far from perfect and make decisions based on statistics, which can be troubling if you are in the minority percentage. I truly hope it is not cancer and hope that you are able to enjoy the holiday.

[Dawn]

Sorry you haven't gotten any answers. Thinking positive thoughts for you.