My dog has a hug phobia.

Yesterday Logan and I took the dog on her afternoon walk into town and decided to grab a coffee while we were out. Logan went inside and I sat on a bench outside with Lucy.

Lucy likes walks that keep moving. She doesn't like to stop and when you do she shakes because she is scared. We make her sit every time we have to stop and this seems to help her feel a little more secure, knowing that she has to sit to please us. 

While she sits she watches for people who may want to look at her cute face and maybe, God forbid, pet her. She may also be concerned about their credit card debt, their emotional stability, whether or not they're saving for retirement. A lot of worries are going on in Lucy's mind. 

Most of the time people walk by and say "Hello cute puppy!" They smile and continue on their way. Other times they ask if they can pet my dog and I politely tell them, 'She's a rescue, so it's better if you let her come to you and pet her under her jaw rather than on top of her head."

Other times people barge right up sticking their hands in her face to try and pet her. The problem is Lucy would rather you keep your damn hands to yourself. 

Yesterday while I sat outside the coffee shop a woman came walking up, she was talking to her friend so I assumed they would be one of the "Hello cute pup!" people and keep right on walking. But instead she came right up and stuck her hand in Lucy's face.

Lucy leaped backwards making a terrible snarling and growling sound. Her fur was all upright from the top of her neck all the way down to her tail. I remained calm, knowing exactly what was going on. She doesn't like strangers sticking their hands in her face and she doesn't like when they skip from seeing if she's interested in sniffing them straight to patting her on top of her head knowing that that's how dogs attack each other, going for the neck.

I also realized she was not being aggressive, simply frightened because she didn't lunge forward but jumped back.

The woman who attempted to pet my dog looked, how to put this, horrified. She had a terrible look of contempt on her face and looked to me as though my dog had tried to attack her. I tried to be polite about it saying, "She's a rescue pup and we're still training her." But what I should have said is, "The first rule of meeting strange dogs is you ask before you touch. You ask me and you also ask the dog. If you don't then shame on you."

Another minor peeve. Please don't say, 'Is your dog friendly?' Because what do I say to that? 

"No my dog is socially awkward and a little bit rude. She may eat your face off and she also never sends thank you notes! She's dreadful." 

Lucy is friendly, but she's scared of you. Instead ask, "Can I pet your dog?" Then I can say, "She's a rescue and we're still working on getting her comfortable. It's better if you see if she wants to come to you."

Bam! That easy.

So Touchy Feely Lady walked into the coffee shop with her look of horror glued to her face. When she came back out I was still waiting for Logan and she said to me, "I'm sure she'll be pleasant some day."

Which made me want to reply, "Too bad we can't train you to be pleasant! Have a lovely day you witch."

I'm reaching the point of frustration with Lucy. I know it's normal and I know I just have to keep working with her, building her confidence, taking a training class and giving her time. But I don't think it would be fair to all of you for me to leave out the less than pleasant parts of raising this dog.

These are the parts of the responsibility that made me wait 12 years to get a dog. And here's the standard disclaimer I use when I talk about how frustrating motherhood is. I love my kids, LOVE them. Can't get enough of them. Want to throw myself in front of a bus for them, kill anyone who would hurt them, kiss them until they call me a freak. I love them. But! The day to day work of raising them to be reasonably functioning members of society, if not really successful and likable adults is frustrating at times.

For me, this is simply a reality, nothing to get upset about. Nothing to berate myself over. I just find it frustrating and I do it anyway. Not every emotion I have is acted on.

I'm frustrated by the process of helping Lucy become the best dog she can be but it certainly doesn't require action. I am feeling it and it will pass and I'll keep trying to find the best thing for her and for us.

We are entering the fifth week of life with Lucy and rather than better things seem to be getting worse.

She's fine with people at our house, we hosted 16 people for a loud party last weekend and she took it in stride. Giving a few people a chance to let her sniff them and some other very fortunate people a minute or two to pet her. She roamed around the kitchen and realized pretty quickly lots of people with bottles or glasses in their hands at night equals Good Eats On The Floor.

She has gotten better about people on our walks, though still eyes them cautiously and if someone is walking behind us I struggle to keep her walking forward and not looking back to make sure they aren't coming at us with a knife.

We haven't had a chance to have a doggy play date since she had giardia, though she did fine during a brief visit with a friend's dog back when we got her. But on our walks she is fear aggressive to other dogs. She barks and lunges and gets her hair all ruffled up. I try to channel the Dog Whisperer and continue to walk not acknowledging her behavior aside from a few "Pshhht" sounds.

The trainer I had come by for a quick consultation told me to try to get her attention when dogs are around. So have her sit, hold a good (not typical) treat up by my eyes and say, "Look at me"

I've been doing that in the house for 5-10 minutes each day using a piece of cheese and occasionally on our walks. On Saturday at the parade in town I decided to try it. I knew there would be a lot of people and a lot of dogs and a lot of not walking, all three of Lucy's Un-Favorite things.

I cooked up and sliced a hot dog and put it in a ziploc bag in my coat pocket. It's a special feeling walking out of the house with a sliced hot dog in your pocket. (There's a joke there.)

We had some success keeping her calm around all the people and were able to regain control of her when other dogs came by, though there was a less than pleasant moment when a roaming leashed rottweiler came up behind her and scared her pretty badly.

She turned into Cujo for a minute.

At home, on the bright side she is playing with toys at this point (with quite a few comical puppy moves) and sometimes gives the little cat a good chase. She avoids Gary who doesn't appreciate her puppy enthusiasm. I found her in Max's room one day after I got out of the shower cornered on his bed with her face in the wall. On the floor in front behind her? Gary, simply staring her into submission.

She is fine with guests (provided you don't want too much petting), especially kids. I can sometimes (about 34% of the time) take a shower without her crying outside the door and/or peeing on the kid's bedroom rugs because she can't see me.

It's sweet that she loves me so much but her love is getting a little stifling. The only thing I'm really thankful for here is that she can't talk because I have a feeling if she could? She'd drive me over the edge to madness.

One of the books I read said that frustration with dogs is really just frustration that the process isn't working and you don't know what else to do.

This rings true when I think about my kids and how maddening their toddler and preschool years were. They weren't doing anything wrong, they were exactly as they were supposed to be. My frustration was never about them, it was about me.

I feel like that now with Lucy. I didn't think it would get worse though and because it is getting worse and other areas are very slow to improve I wonder if I'm doing it wrong and someday she'll trap a young mother and her son in a car. I feel frustrated because I don't know what I'm doing and what I'm doing doesn't seem to be working and could be making it worse.

We start our training class March 27th, but I may have to have the trainer back again to walk downtown with me on a sunny spring day when there are 384 dogs in downtown Royal Oak.

It figures of all the dogs in the world I could pick, I found a socially awkward one.

Comments

[Kizz]

I'm pretty sure that, whatever that joke is, it has Lorena Bobbit in it.

[Keli]

I had the exact same dog. She's 4 now and so much better. She has her limits and I respect them. It just took me a while to figure them out.

I wish you luck and more good days than bad.

[victoria]

Melissa,

Check out patriciamcconnell.com please. She has a series of books and videos that may help with Lucy's training. (Cautious Canine especially.

V.

[Valerie]

Do you know anything about Lucy's history? We had a cocker spaniel with some pretty bad separation anxiety when I was growing up (cried outside the bathroom door, etc) and we found out he'd been taken away from his mother too soon. Keep doing what you're doing and Lucy will come around!

[Jody]

I hate the question "Are your dogs friendly?" I have 2 german sheppards who are old 14 and 10+ (10+ is a rescue so we aren't sure of age). My first instinct is to go with "No, they aren't." When people show their surprise at my answer I then explain to them, Selah (10+) is a resecue and while 99% of the time she's sweet and loves everyone, once in a while she strongly dislikes someone and we have no idea why. But just going with "No" stops people from just reaching out to pet the dogs. What drive me nuts is the idiots who let their dogs roam on no leashes. My dogs are in the fenced yard all day minding their own business and I get dogs from all over the place stopping by and annoying mine.

[Renee G]

Your post could have been me 4 years ago when we got our first puppy. I had 3 young kids and worked from home, so wasn't near as smart as you in that I should have waited. I found training a puppy far more frustrating than raising children, in some ways. I went to puppy training with a friend who had a new puppy, and I remember her talking about how much she loved her dog, and feeling guilty for not feeling the same way. In fact, I resented him for making my life so much more complicated than it already was... but after 12-18 months of training (I know... I thought it would take more like 2 weeks) he is a happy, mostly well-adjusted pooch. I look back at that time and think I could've handled it so much better. It didn't come naturally for me. But he is a great companion now. Keep at it and don't let these ignorant people get to you. They simply don't understand the challenges of owning a new puppy, particularly one who has been rescued.

[Melody]

It sounds like you are doing everything you need to do to work through Lucy's social anxiety issues.

I got my dog when I was 10, because I finally wore my mom down. My mom didn't have the time to really invest in my dog's training, and as luck would have it, we wound up with a dog who is about as neurotic as is possible for a dog to be. Given that I was the only one who ever "trained" my dog, he was never really trained at all.

So now, sixteen and a half years later, that same dog still whimpers outside the bathroom door and freaks out at strangers (especially men). If I want to have a party, I have to board him (which I hate doing). If I'm taking him for a walk, I constantly have to tell children that they can't pet this fluffy little white dog. They always seem to take it so personally.

So! Good for you for waiting until YOU were ready for a dog, and good for you for making the investment to train her properly! She may always be a little bit neurotic, but I'm sure she'll become an even better pet than she is now.

One can hope that the stupid coffee shop lady learned her lesson, but humans seem to be even harder to train and socialize correctly than dogs.

[nelking]

Here's my facebook status:"My view of myself from age 6 to age say 22 is one of being totally awkward, with moments of confidence. I'm only occasionally awkward now."

Time and patience is the key. (and a good trainer and support group)

She'll come through.

[cjm]

We got a rescue dog about 7 weeks ago and she's doing fairly well. She's about 2, though, so out of the puppy stage. Some things are frustrating--she's not too fond of sitting on command. But the literature we received when we got her said that between weeks 3 and 6 they often exhibit worse behavior. You know, for what it's worth. We're going to have to try that treat-by-the-eyes thing.

[anna]

oh, i have been there. i've got a rescue black lab who is fear-aggressive with other dogs, and the "is your dog friendly" question is tough for us too. she does love most people, but not when surprised, or if they're wearing a hood or sometimes if she's just got her crazy turned on.

sounds like you're doing all the right things; so hang in there! they are idiots, but we love them.

[pickles & dimes]

We rescued a dog two years ago that reacts the same way to strangers, especially men. He loves little kids, but men? Yikes. Fur up, snarling, the whole nine yards (he's all bark, but he does look ferocious; as ferocious as a Corgi/yellow lab that barely comes up to my kneecaps can look, that is).

It really does take time and a lot of patience to overcome it, unfortunately (we're making minor progress).

It seems like Lucy's starting to really trust you guys and her overall fear is turning into protectiveness.

Taking the hot dog out with you was a wonderful idea. (Our dog will do anything for pieces of baked hot dogs.) Good luck, and I hope Lucy realizes she's with you guys forever and can let her guard down.

[Heidi]

We got a rescue dog who had giardia when we got her so we couldn't take her anywhere until it cleared up. Because of that she isn't nearly as socialized as our other dog. She's fine when women come over to the house but for some reason she's afraid of men; not all men, but most of them.
As for the coffee shop lady....you are nicer than I am, I would have said something back to her.

[Mir]

While our rescue doesn't have fear aggression (possibly because she's only 12 pounds and may realize she's not big enough to hurt anyone) she is very fearful in new situations and it's been a slow process with her as well.

1) Sounds like you're doing everything right.
2) It's normal to be frustrated.

Is she crate trained? If not, is there a reason you're not using a crate? Most dogs feel secure in a crate and bond well with the space. If she's crying/peeing when you shower, you may want to think about a crate so that you can contain her when you need to, both to preserve your carpet and to help her stay calm.

Our trainer told us it will take 18 months to really get a rescue settled. We're about 6 months in and she's already a totally different dog than the one we received, and she'll keep changing. Lucy will, too.

[AnEmily]

I walk my dog to school to pick up my kids every day and am always stunned by how many kids just run up to him and pet him without asking. Luckily, our dog is great about it, but I still use him as an opportunity to explain to kids how to approach a dog properly. And I always compliment the kids that do it right.
Keep on keeping on with Lucy. You are doing all the right things and she'll get it eventually!

[Bether]

We've had our pup for 14 months. She's the sweetest, most intelligent, lovingest dog...but the training has been insane. She has separation anxiety. She's fear-aggressive towards other dogs (but only if at least one of them is leashed), and she is JEALOUS. We got kittens in July, and she is not aggressive towards them, but if they are being petted and cooed at, she wants to be petted and cooed at, too.

She's improved over the year, but other people have told me that it'll take a while -- like, two years or so -- before she's truly chill. Honestly, I'd be a freak, too, if the only family I'd ever known unceremoniously kicked me out at age 3.

[Melissa Summers]

she has a crate for when we leave and at night. I haete putting her in it when I'm here because it makes me stressed to hear her whining.

[Beth]

Is she ever ok with other dogs? Have you tried her off the leash with them? Sounds like she's not ready for that yet, but sometimes being leashed makes a fearful dog even more aggressive because they feel they couldn't defend themselves if necessary.

The training/socialization process is totally frustrating. We adopted our dog when he was 5 months old too. It only took about a week to earn his trust, but he still couldn't walk on a leash, go up and down stairs, or so much as look at a body of water without going flat on his belly. Worst of all was the chewing and the destruction of furniture. He gnawed on the kitchen table & chair legs, pulled stuffing out of the sofa, and found particular delight in pulling my expensive bras out of the laundry and liberating the underwire.

Now 3 years later we all understand each other and rarely have an issue of any kind. You guys will get there too.

[Melissa]

We have two dogs - both rescues. The first was a breeze. He was an absolute dream of a dog from day 1. We were spoiled.

Then came Kacey. Kacey is completely neurotic. Separation anxiety, fears and worries...

I completely understand the frustration. It took a long time, I think, before Kacey truly felt comfortable with us. Lucy may need a while too.

You ARE doing it right. It will get better!

[Michelle - crazy dog lady]

Melissa - you are doing everything right! Keep doing it. She will get better, it will just take time. And it does suck. It's hard work getting a dog to accept the world calmly, especially when the world is bonkers. Maybe add some Rescue Remedy (available at health food stores) or some Comfort Zone to the mix to help with some of her nerves. All natural stuff, no training value other than to help her cope and maybe get over the major stress points.

I've had a lot of dogs that have been immensely helped by having a few drops of Rescue Remedy about an hour before class.

And because I, too, am madly dysfunctional -here is a blog post that you may enjoy - keep going to the end - I tend to be, uh, wordy.

Bottom line, people have no respect for dogs or people with space issues. I like to tell people I'm raising my baby so my dogs won't go hungry later on, so, no, please do not pet them. ;-)

http://www.moderndogblog.com/2009/04/07/irritating-dog-people/

[Michelle - crazy dog lady]

Apparently I don't know how to make an actual link - sorry. I am a dog trainer, not a computer geek. Cut and paste away!!

[Barb]

No advice here, only encouragement. (I know zip about dogs) It sounds like Lucy has found the perfect family. You'll do what it takes to help her become adjusted.

(The idea about having the trainer come with you on a walk where there are lots of people/dogs seems like a great one.)

[3Angels&Me]

I too have a socially awkward/fearful dog....however, i paid a ton of money for a pure-bred and never expected her to behave this way!! My 90+ lb pup will be 1 next month. I had a trainer tell me to return her to the breeder b/c she was sooo shy. Well, suffice it to say, I still have the dog and don't see the trainer!! My breeder has said that there are some dogs that are not fearful, but more aloof. They are intimidated by people coming to them, but are fine when it is on the dogs terms. I've had the dog now for 10 months and I have learned her triggers. Let people come to her and if she doesn't want to 'say hi' - don't force it. Also, having dog treats in your pocket at all times and handing out to people on the street who want to pet her really has made a HUGE difference. Try to be discreet so that your pup doesn't see....but pretty quickly she'll think that all strangers offer treats and so she'll be more comfortable with new hands & faces. Best of luck!! It is a ton of work, but SOOOO rewarding when she looks at you with the big brown eyes that say - you understand me :)

[Kenz]

Good luck Melissa! Sounds like you are doing your very best. I volunteer at a shelter and a lot of dogs seem like they regress after being in their new homes for a few weeks-pretty typical. Just be patient and continue to help her work through it -- you'll make it!

[Tracy]

In response to "Is your dog friendly?" you might try something like "She's very sweet but she's a rescue so she's shy and doesn't really like strangers to pet her." Which is a mouthful, and is more explanation than anyone deserves, but it does answer the unasked question "Can I pet her?"

[wordygirl]

It definitely seems interesting to me that you have ended up with a socially awkward dog who just happens to be an abuse survivor. Does your therapist know about this? (I mean this in the loving, slightly humourous way, not the bitchy troll way.) I have no doubt that you can raise this dog to be an excellent dog, and I bet you will both learn a lot along the way. Hang in there!

[Kelly]

Raising rescue pups is challenging and many days, maddening. We have a 2yr old Lab mix who is very submissive. Like, peeing all over the floor whenever people come in submissive. I get very frustrated with her behavior, but there's little I can do.

Hopefully Lucy will be able to build up her confidence and the tried and true techniques of your trainer will help.

[beyond]

no advice here. (well, i could, but i won't; it looks like you're getting enough.) people who touch dogs without asking are as bad as people touching babies without asking. AGH.

[Dawn]

Sounds like Lucy was acting perfectly normally for a still insecure rescue dog. It's the woman at the coffee shop who's socially awkward.

[Melissa Summers]

Ha! @wordygirl Logan said the exact same thing. It does feel a little healing in some ways.

[Amy]

I love that you and so many people have rescued dogs. I think just by saying the words "rescue dog" you should get a lot of understanding and sympathy from those of us that have done it and understand the quirks many of these dogs come with.

I'm surprised by your frustration with the question "Is your dog friendly?" - I use that question a lot when I'm on trails where other dogs and peeople are walking/running etc. It helps me know whether I should leash up my dog and be sure to keep my kids clear - I don't use it as shorthand for "may I pet your dog" - two different questions in my book. But I think your preferred response works equally well to both questions!

Best of luck with sweet Lucy!
From yet another adopted Lucy owner!
Amy

[Megan]

You have my dog. In a nutshell. FWIW, 5 years down the road she's an okay little beastie who I adore with everything I've got (I'm kidless, can you tell?) Despite my haphazard training, she still doesn't really like most other dogs, nor does she appreciate strangers coming up to her too quickly. But what I've learned to do (since she's obviously wired exactly the way she is, and very little will change it) is to NOT CARE about other people and their reactions. They don't live with her, they don't get to judge me or her. Period. Your reaction: "she's a shelter dog and approach slowly" works for as long as you need it. I tell folks that my dog is slightly neurotic, has issues warming up to other dogs, and it's best if they approach her slowly. Treats totally help, especially with the crazy Cujo-upon-seeing-other-dogs thing too. Best of luck to you and Lucy.

P.S. Showertime whining and peeing? Crate city... If you have to, get multiple crates for different areas of the house. She may still cry, but at least she'll cry in a protected area and won't pee on anything when she does...

[Alice]

Same thing with Charlie, with fear-aggression on the leash. He's mellowed, but it took a while. In the beginning we avoided busy streets--it was just too much stimulation for him. He still freaks out at, of all things, buses. Any time a bus rolls by he has a conniption. No idea what that's about.

In the beginning we found that if we gave other dog owners a big smile and said, "Fearful rescue dog!" they were immediately understanding and gave us a wide berth. Often Charlie was friendly once the dog was close enough to sniff, so if they could handle the barking, we ended up having a nice encounter.

Training will help a ton. Once you're more confident, that's going to calm her. So much is transmitted through that leash! Even now, if I tense up or pull even a little--if a particularly tough-looking dog is walking by, say--Charlie will go nuts. It's like I put him on the alert that danger is near.

I second the Rescue Remedy recommendation. That stuff worked wonders.

It'll get easier! Swear!

[Alice]

And as for people who touch dogs without asking...we've had small kids run up to Charlie, with their parents *right there*, and stick THEIR FACES in his face. Or put their hands on his butt when he didn't see them there. He doesn't freak out at people, fortunately, but I want to scream at the parents who think that's okay.

[Laurie]

Our dog was rescued from a horribly abusive home by a co-worker of my husband's. She was very timid and scared of everything. We took her to training, and it made a world of difference. Her self-confidence sky-rocketed and she was almost normal. Unfortunately, it really only worked as long as I kept working with her. Life/kids got in the way, and I stopped working with her very much. She is a loving dog, and protective of the kids, but she is very skittish. I wish we had waited until the kids were older until we took on a dog. Bravo for you for doing it right!

[claire]

I think it makes sense that after several weeks, you may start to notice more stresses than at first. She's been around long enough for you to place in her lots of new situations and you're seeing how she reacts. It really sounds like you and her are doing well. I know how awful it feels when you have a dog on a leash who jumps or scares people (I have a rat terrier, he is CRAZY in some situations), but Lucy sounds like she has the capability to learn to be very, very good. It's crucial that she didn't leap toward that woman. She doesn't sound aggressive at all and that is so much easier to train. I found Patricia McConnell's book "The Other End of the Leash" to be pretty helpful in understanding and dealing with some of my dog's quirks. Good luck! I think the puppy classes will help a lot.

[Regina]

You are doing everything right with the dog. But you should have gone with your instinct about telling off the woman. Don't ever apologize for Lucy.

I had a dog that was a worrier. She never even wagged her tail much. So your comment that Lucy worries about whether people are saving for retirement cracked me up.

[Jess]

I feel your pain with the dog training. We have a six month old black lab mix who gets into everything. We've started the dog training class and he's been much better. Good luck! First time writer and I just wanted to let you know I love your blog!

[Stacy]

My response to people who ask that about my dog (who is dog aggressive and usually people friendly,but not always) is to say

"she doesn't play well with others".

We also say when asked about what breed she is

"she was casually bred".

[Jenny]

I have so been there! I had a rescued Jack Russell who was fine at the house and fine with people but hated other dogs with a burning raging passion that knew no bounds. What made it worse was living in a community with tons of hippy dog owners who refused to keep their animals on a leash. There were many times I had to pick him up and yell at owners who were across a park to wrangle their dog. Good times.

He was an escape artist and a doggy thug but I still loved him. And he loved me. That's all that matters in the long run. Hang in there!

[hillary]

Give it time. My rescued beagle had been abused and abandoned and was afraid of everything when I got him. Doggies need time to reset and realize that the bad stuff isn't going to happen to them anymore. And they do have to learn what you want them to do, so training should help.

Today my Seamus is a happy, confident little guy. He does still insist on being in the bathroom with me when I shower though.

[anna]

i do love hearing about other people's neurotic dogs. makes my creature seem almost normal.

for actual techniques you might want to look into clicker training, "positive" training, and "nothing in life is free". i had some luck with bits and pieces of all of these, tailored to me and my dog. good luck!

[kris]

"is your dog friendly"...........no.... that is about all you need to say because right now your dog is not friendly in the way people mean which is can i stick my face in theirs...

[Kathryn]

sounds like you are doing everything right

I have 2 rescue dogs - Maggie, my 11 year old Golden Retriever who loves EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and thinks that going to for coffee and hanging out while everyone admires and pets her is just about the Best. Thing. Ever.

for Scout, my 2 year old terrier cross bunch of adorableness, on the other hand, that is pure hell - she HATES being in crowds, going for coffee, having strangers come near her, etc

with almost 2 slid years of working on this she is better but I have just come to accept that she is never going to be the social bunny that Maggie is - she is great with other dogs, warms up to (most) people eventually and does not have any fear aggression

all dogs are different - Lucy is lucky to have you guys in her corner

[Leah]

I totally hear ya! We've taught our kids to always, always ask the dog's "Mommy or Daddy" if they can pet it. We've had people say, "No, he's not so great with children", which I TOTALLY respect! That, is why you ask! Which, by the way, also helps keep your kids from having fear of dogs - because the owners will be honest. I've also taught the kids to NEVER pet a dog that's tied up without its owner. My friends have rescue dogs and I get that they aren't all "slobber-happy". Also, some dogs are "working dogs" and we've made it clear (and had it made - politely- clear) to us that working dogs may NOT be touched because it messes with their training.

It's like people who touch your baby's face, or pat your pregnant belly. THINK, people!

[Nancy Hill]

Chiming in to agree with the person above who volunteers at a shelter re: rescue dogs regressing. My husband & I rescued 2 shelter puppies and yes, they both had periods of regression at first. The best thing you can do is stick it out and just keep loving her. I actually don't agree with dogs needing to be "trained" (personalities) -- I think it's usually dog owners that need the training. Our dogs eventually mellowed out and became very happy -- they still had little personality quirks and weren't by any means perfect dogs but we grew to love them just as they were. I think Lucy's clinginess will mellow out when she feels secure -- it's really too soon -- it takes a while, dogs are a lot like humans, that security and trust needs to be built, day by day, over time. As a shelter dog, she has ingrained fears and it will take a few more months of knowing she really can rely on you and you really do love her and are there for her, good days & bad. It is ENTIRELY possible to heal her insecurities -- love, love, love & more love -- and be consistent with discipline if it's needed -- but don't punish her.

[Allison]

All relationships take time to figure out and it's so awesome that you are working with Lucy so hard. I know you'll figure it out, it just takes time.

[Abigail]

My friend had a dog with this walking anxiety and they got her a pack she wore on her back and it gave her so much confidence. It was cute and also life-changing.

[Ryan Elizabeth]

With our new dog, I always understand what the books mean when they say it's always our fault - when she pees on the rug or is confused about what to chew, etc, but "frustration with dogs is really just frustration that the process isn't working and you don't know what else to do" was somehow a revelation to me. Tonight the needy whining got so bad, I was about to snap in two. I left the room, went into the kitchen, did the dishes, and lo - the dog was happily snoozing away (and I had a clean kitchen to boot...I'm wondering if the boyfriend was somehow in on this).

[Lish]

Some dogs, regardless of training or age, never outgrow that stage. My dog, a shepherd/lab mix, was rescued as a puppy from a kill shelter, and as far as I know, was never mistreated by his original owner (they got tired of trying to give away puppies), and does not like strangers coming up to him at all. And he also gets very skittish if he feels like someone is approaching him too quickly from behind and will turn to growl. He’s never bitten anyone, but he will lunge if you come into his space. At first I was so frustrated after the trainer I worked with said some dogs just have this personality, because I wanted a happy, playful pup who was eager to meet everyone on walks, but I’ve adapted. Unless we’re in a very open area without people, he’s never gets more than a few feet of leash (one of those horrible owners who uses a retractable leash) and if I see a group of kids when we’re out on a walk with whom he’s unfamiliar and I get the sense they will be all “ooo doggy!” I’ll cross the street. All of the kids and my neighbors know to say, “Hi Buddy” before approaching and he’s 100% fine. Also, if a stranger approaches and says, “hey Buddy” as a general term not knowing it’s his name, he’s 100% fine as well. If someone asks to pet him, I’ll see how he’s reacting first before answering. Sometimes he gets a bad vibe from people and will hug against me and hunch down, so I’ll tell them he’s not acting very friendly today, say “hi Buddy” to see if that helps. It usually does, but if he’s still scared, I’ll tell them sorry and move on. Oddly enough, he has zero problems with strange dogs running up to him, invading his space. I hope that Lucy grows out of this stage with more training, but if not, you just adapt to what works best for her and keep on walking. You never get used to the rude comments or faces by people who get growled at, but it gets easier and eventually you will be ballsy enough to say the snarky comebacks like, “what a wonderful lesson you learned today! Always ask a dog’s owner before approaching and petting!”

[Fabulous]

It's SO going to get better. :)
About a year and 2 months ago I adopted Lani. She's this beautiful yellow mutt mix with the kindest brown eyes. She joined my little dog, Mr. Duke aka Stubborn Adorable Little Asshole.

Lani is a rescue. I got her when she was 2. She had lived on the street so long because it was impossible to catch her. She was terrified of humans. She had been burned with cigarettes and beaten. Forget playing stick, any long object and she would freak out.
She would hide under the bed when guests would come over, she was terrified of men more than women, way more, she didn't know how to play with a toy, she didn't know tug of war, she didn't know DOG TREATS or cheese (major fail, she loves cheese now)..but she always had these sweet brown eyes and when I met her, I knew she was a good dog. She wasn't aggressive, just like Lucy, her reaction was to back up. she wouldn't growl but her hair would stand up and HELL, if she hadn't been on a leash, she would have vanished into walls and sidewalks. One day this POOR old man walked by us with a cane and my sweet Lani was almost climbing up the wall of a house to get away...man + long object that could be used for beating.Water? Beach? TERRIFIED. Cars? Holy shit, better but not impressed. Wouldn't jump on the sofa or bed ect.
Longest comment ever.
A year later?
Sleeps in bed with me. Wakes up rolled on her back in my arms. Loves people. LOVES the. Brand new people, she will still back away, but she doesn't hide under the bed anymore, she just stay close to me or behind the sofa, ears up, tail wagging, but hey "THERE IS A SOFA BETWEEN US SO DON'T TRY". I tell people to get on eye level with her. Sometimes I used to toss a treat to a stranger outside, usually a fellow dog owner and ask them to feed her. She loves her little brother and definitely watches him...if he gets love somewhere she is all "hmmmm...let met think....he's not scared, maybe I shouldn't be either." The day she ran into the ocean the first time, I cried. Pure doggie joy. Same dog who was terrified of the water 6 months earlier.
She's learning to trust herself. I can now play with long sticks with her, she doesn't run away from men and if the men happen to own a dog, she will actually walk right up to them....I have met the kindest people because of her, people I barely know but who care about her so much and who want her to trust them so they sat on dirty sidewalks, patiently waiting her to come hang out with them.
I now have this dog who always had this great personality and she trusts herself more and more to be herself. She's even naughty sometimes! Ms. "I will always please you mommy" is now sometimes really witty.
I can't tell you how much you will look back in a year and go HOLY SHIT, our dog changed so much for the better. You already have a dog that's great and now she's even greater. :)

Sorry. :) Long comment. I am so proud of my Lani. She's such a love. Most people who meet her want to keep her because she is all about love. To think someone burned her with cigarettes and beat her is beyond me...any dog of course, but when it your own and you see what a submissive, sweet, loving dog she is...it's amazing work on her end to be able to trust anyone again. But she does :)

[wookie]

It is okay to say "No, my dog is not friendly." It is okay to say "Do not pet my dog." Yes, it is rude of people to presume and unfortunately you will meet a lot of rude, presumptuous people. Don't worry about them, you can't change them. You can (hopefully) help change Lucy.

It takes a really long time to work through fear and anxiety issues with a person, much less a dog who doesn't have the same cognitive capacity.

I have owned 2 rescue dogs, both with different issues (and to different extents). It does get better. But it does take time. Take heart, have patience and just because it isn't working already doesn't mean you aren't doing the right things.

[wookie]

Just one more quick thing, reading through your comments... I also had Rescue Remedy work for one of my labs. He was terribly afraid of smoke, and one day set his own butt on fire sitting too close to a baseboard heater (he wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree). We tried to calm him down, aired out the house, took him for a walk, when we got back home he was still so freaked out, unable to get away from the burnt fur smell that he tried to tunnel out again through the shower.

A few drops of Rescue Remedy on the tounge (I was desperate and it was in my purse) and he was back to normal in a few minutes.

So if you want to try that, I found it helpful as well.

[Laura]

I don't have time to read all the comments but had to say I abhor people who try to pet strange dogs with out asking. And good luck.

[Kate]

We rescued a Bichon from a kill shelter about 10 months ago. When I am walking him and another dog comes up to us he tries to go for the jugular. When we go to the dog park and he is off his leash he is fine. My friend told me that he is trying to protect me. Max also regressed after a month of him being with us. I think at that point he was comfortable that we were keeping him and started to see what he could get away with. Once I reasserted myself as the leader of the pack he got better, but we go through this whenever I get lazy with him. He still tries me every day, but we are making it. I loved your statement about your kids and how you feel about them. That is me to a tee.

[Heather]

For is your dog friendly, I like "she does not like strangers." Also, while a dog isn't safe if it bites people, they're allowed to not want everyone touching them. If your goal is to get her to be comfortable with strangers petting her, no matter what, that's a good goal. But I don't think you or Lucy are failing if she loves your family, doesn't bite people, and growls at strangers she doesn't want touching her.

[Xdm]

Tons of good advice up there. One more thing. It's not just rescue. We got our zuzu at eight weeks. She was full bred Rhodesian Ridgeback and boy howdy did she suck for at least three years. Jumping, chewing digging, peeing -- and we are seasoned dog owners. She had just gotten old, awesome and lazy when she died. She's in a box on our mantle* and I miss all that badness every day.
*Irish. Death issues. 'nuff said.

[chatty cricket]

Gah, don't they all have issues? If your dog is TOO friendly, he freaks out people who don't like dogs. If he's not friendly ENOUGH? Bitchy ladies in coffee shops shoot laser death beams from their eyes.

Fletcher is a bichon. And Fletcher is uneasy around kids and puppies. He doesn't like the jumpy uncontrolled "kid thing" although once he knows a kid is going to be kind, he'll stick to them like glue. He's intimidated in the same manner by puppies. Especially dark, large breed puppies (yes, my dog is a sizeist bigot). Given all of this, Fletcher is DOOMED to a life of anxiety when children bolt up to him out of the blue and want to pet him. He looks like a stuffed animal, I don't blame them. But most kids don't know how to approach a dog, and lots of parents aren't much help, which leaves a LOT of time for Fletcher spent cowering behind me.

We protect him and make sure he always has an out- it's when he feels cornered that he gets the most anxious. My nephews are particularly relentless since they all have big rough and tumble dogs, and they HUNT him down to the very last corner of the house where they get him trapped. It's awesome. I may have been known to let Fletcher snarl once or twice in that situation before picking him up or shooing the boys away. It makes family get togethers at our house super fun. For Fletch.

But our kids? And 90% of our kids' friends? could lie on top of Fletcher and he'd love it. Poor guy, he just needs to get to know people on his own terms.

Anyway, I FEEL YOU on the frustrations of raising a puppy. It REALLY IS like raising a toddler.

[Melissa Summers]

My trainer said other dogs have trouble reading the eyes of dark colored dogs that's why they may develop a weird phobia about them.

[MSP]

Our rescue, Benson, (1/2 coon hound & 1/2 german shep) has been with us about 2-1/2 months and I have LOTS of moments, wondering "why" primarily when I miss Captain - our 11 year lab who had to be put to sleep in Nov. Of course Captain was a terror when we rescured him some 10 years ago. It takes time and gets better - eventually. Today I had to stop myself because I was going to write and post a "sticky note" in the kitchen for Benson about something I wanted him to remember ("don't forget - the couch in the basement is all yours buddy - go ahead and settle in!"). So no wonder this guy is going to have a hard time living up to my expectations. I'm very accepting though - three slobby stuffed frogs get dropped on my head as I sleep - every.single.morning.

[Sheri Bheri]

Oh Melissa, this isn't the first time I wish I lived up the street from you! My wee little Coco (Maltese x Yorkie = Morkie!) is the dog that dogs-who-don't-like-other-dogs LOVE.

I also have the only kid in the world who doesn't really WANT to approach strange dogs.

I have no advice, I just wanted to say keep up the good work!

[s]

oh, I know your frustration! We are lucky on the people/dog thing - neither of my dogs are reactive - they just want to say hello hello hello but my male rescue has sooo many issues including separation anxiety and its now almost a year and we have NEVER and I mean NEVER left these dogs alone EVER more than 5 hours - is that nuts? If we go on a daytrip, we either plan for one of us to be home or have to arrange for doggie daycare. its a bit nuts, hence we stay home mostly with short trips (good on the wallet tho). I highly recommend Patricia McConnell's site and her blog. Her "I'll Be Home Soon" booklet SAVED us - we were seriously contemplating returning our first rescue - this booklet and our vet and some serious meds (for the dog not me but hey I could likely use em) have made life much better - we could probably leave now for 8 hours and come home to very little wreckage altho likely 2 very very drooly and stressed dogs. She has booklets on dog reactive/people reactive dogs as well (I like that phrase vs the "aggressive" since truly that is what it is - reaction right?) GOOD LUCK and I so feel your pain. And advice? I got so much good/bad - people telling me it was all my fault, one said I had to totally change the social structure in my home (saw WHAT?) and that my stress was causing the dog's stress (really? because when I left I had NO CLUE he would turn into a lunatic drooling on my floor and savagely attacking a door - I really did not so I wasn't feeling at all stressed until I came home to a train wreck!) Good luck. I look back at the last year with mixed emotions - love the dogs but could so have done without the drama and rollercoaster ride (as well as the numerous window shades and other things we had to replace!)

[Amy]

Similar experience here with my now-deceased dog. I adopted her 15+ years ago from the humane society when she was about 6 months old. She'd been a stray, and I think she'd been abused, and her issues for the first few years were numerous. EVENTUALLY, she mellowed out into a wonderful dog, and I now miss her terribly. But those first few years were a lot of work.

One thing that helped us with the aggression towards other dogs was to find a trusted dog-friend that she could play with and learn how to be social with. We made sure she had regular doggie playdates, where they could run around and romp and wrestle. That went along way to alleviating her anxiety around other dogs she didn't know. That said, she never learned to like Pugs; we just dealt with it by avoiding them.

Good luck -- I am sure that Lucy will also turn into a wonderful dog. Rescue dogs always do.

[vanessa]

The first rule of dog training is NEVER EVER listen to Cesar Whatshisface on the Dog Whisperer. He is useless. TOtally useless. Horrible man. Instead, go check peaceablepaws.com and google Pat Miller. she is amazing. you can email her for help. Good luck!

[Melissa Summers]

BOOOOOOOO

I never like this kind of comment. I like "You should also check out..."

So much nicer. It's possible to take advice from a lot of different sources. Raising humans has taught me that.

[Cassandra]

I have a similar problem with my Australian Shepherd rescue. He super sweet with everyone, at the dog park, in the house, but he's very leash aggressive with other dogs/people. Something about the being conencted to you, restrained, walking around. He's more protective/agressive though, not the scared/agressive Lucy is dealing with.

I, too, hate the way people just assume touching your dog is okay. I was always taught the right way to approach a dog, because doing it wrong can be dangerous.

I have no real insight for you, due to the struggle myself, but I'd love if you'd keep writing about the journey! I could use the help. :)

[Chris]

Yes, Melissa I agree with you re: Vanessa's comment. I LOVE Cesar and think he has a lot of great philosophy's about dogs and human behaviour. Good luck with everything. We got a puppy in June of last year and I totally understand all of the stuff you're going through. I figure I got the dog I needed and that he came into my life for reason: to teach me some patience. Cause God knows I don't have any!!
C.

[Festi]

One of our dogs is a whiner. We've found that completely covering his crate when he is in it stopped 90% of his in crate whining. Maybe you already do that, but worth a try if you don't. :) I was delighted to discover they actually sell crate covers - but a big blanket works, too.

[JL]

You booed a comment. Ha! My answer to people who ask that is: No, he's a total neurotic freak. Sorry.

[Melissa Summers]

He's not the end all and no one is but to totally dismiss his ideology. Bleh. No one thing works for everyone and every dog.

I have ordered every book you guys have recommended either from the library or amazon. I'm open to ideas but not slams.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Shannon]

Good luck on your journey! We have had great success with Nothing in Life is Free and what I like to call the "stuff the face" method. Our local Humane Society has great training classes, and in attending "Grumpy Growlies," for dogs with issues with other dogs, we learned the "stuff the face" technique worked REALLY well for our dog. Basically, as soon as your dog sees another dog, stuff their face with treats. Then when she notices them again, stuff the face again. I guess the idea is to create a positive association with seeing other dogs, instead of the bad ones she might now have. Are dog is SUPER food motivated, so whenever he sees another dog, he looks at us right away for a treat. We only ever get into trouble when we don't have treats (and yes, we had to suck it up and get one of those belted treat-holders. It was the only way). Not saying this will work for Lucy, but it seemed to work for all of the dogs in the class pretty well. Now I can get him to ignore other dogs by just holding the treats in my hand until we pass the other dogs (please see again: SUPER food motivated). Good luck!

[kbow]

I have not been alone in the bathroom at home once since we got our rescue puppy last September when she was 3 months old. We've come to an understanding. She just sits or lays down and I don't holler at her. I generally have a little conversation about privacy with her each time. She doesn't follow anyone else to the bathroom. Just me. I've learned to just let her in when I go in otherwise she bursts thru the door (a pocket door) even when it is locked. On the bright side I've never had a smarter pet and have lost 15 pounds since September from exercising with her!

Hang in there. I wish you could go to our wonderful dog training place -- they do have a blog: http://ahimsadogtraining.com/blog/ and she focuses heavily on fear/aggression issues.

[Kelli]

at our puppy class there was an obnoxious know-it-all who insisted on hot dogs or bologna as the irresistible reward...my husband promptly named her "Bologna Pockets".
we still laugh about it to this day...7 years later :)
best of luck. dog training is hard, frustrating work. she'll come around :)

[kbow]

PS: Ahimsa (posted above) is also anti-Caesar. But I've read up and do feel my dog, probably due to her breed, really does need to have everyone in my family be dominant. The combination of positive reinforcement and dominance is working well.

[Lissell]

We have a 9 month pure-bred APBT (pit-bull) that was abandoned by the original owners at 5 months. She has a suspicious lump on her jaw and does not like other dogs. We are four months in to life with her and have found a lot of the same issues you have. Crate training has helped a lot. Every time we crate her she gets a treat, sometimes it is for five minutes, sometimes a few hours. A blanket thrown over her crate keeps the whining down. Walking her with our other dog has helped her with the dog-aggression(we have a 8 pound doxie as well, what the hell were we thinking?) Luckily because she is a pit people assume she is aggressive and so we don't have to deal with a lot of the running up with hands in the face issues. The irony is that she loves people, especially kids.

Just keep trying things until you know what is right for you. It sounds like you have everything under control, and don't actually need much advice. I know it is trite but dogs and young children are pretty similar, everyone is different and what works for one family will not necessarily work for you.

Also, coffee shop lady can stuff it. She sounds like one of those annoying people who don't pick up after their dogs and talk on the phone while in a public restroom.

[JennyM]

It sounds like you know that this is a phase. Our first rescue dog was the most easy-going creature on the planet. #2 sounds a lot like Lucy and is just more... emotionally needy.

I just finished a series of obedience classes with her and I think it helped us both -- gave us both a lot more confidence. Me, in that I know how to handle things, and her in knowing that I will, in fact, handle things. One of the "aha" things the trainer said to me was that my otherwise sweet pile of goo goes Cujo at strange dogs who startle her because she grew up on the street and in that environment you have only two options to stay alive: complete submission or instant aggression -- there's no time for investigation. We had to work on getting her to trust that *I* will handle the other dog and so she doesn't need to. We're not completely there yet, but it's definitely getting better.

[Shannon]

For YEARS, we have been training our boys to ALWAYS ask before petting someone's dog - for their own good and for the good of the dog. I am so going to show this to them - to help them understand why it's important. Also, rescue dogs can be like this - you never know what their deal may be. We had friends who rescued a dog like Lucy - he turned out fine around most people but not men in leather coats and city buses - ever, for the rest of his life. I think you're doing all the right things though and it will get easier - for everyone.

[AnnaN]

The answer is.....baby food. Seriously.

Our Chester is the same as Lucy - only he's spooked of everything including people. Basically, you have to rewire Lucy's associations that are now ZOMG! STRANGER = TERRORIST into, ZOMG! STRANGER = YUMMY TREATS. And it will take quite a while to accomplish this (months).

Get a clicker, and a bunch of jars of meat baby food (turkey and broth, chicken and broth, beef and broth, etc.) These make awesome treats as they are essentially doggie crack and easier to carry around in your purse than hot dogs :). Keeping the jars in the fridge makes the food less goopy on your walks. Next time you are out with Lucy, when a stranger even comes into view, you click, and offer her a lick out of the jar. Click and treat, click and treat. The clicking serves to interrupt her train of thought more easily and bring her attention to you so she is focused on you and not the perceived threat. She will soon associate strangers with you and treats instead of the unknown and threatening.

This has worked beautifully on Chester who used to be so terrified of trucks passing by on our walks that he would freeze in place and not be able to move. Now, every time he hears a truck he comes to me and nudges my hand for a treat.

Good luck!

[Aine]

It sounds like you are doing a great job. No advice here, just support.

We're on our 2nd rescue, but both were adults. Our 1st dog was a 3-year-old corgi, never abused or neglected, but still extremely agitated around other dogs. (Good with humans, though.) We tried to socialize her but eventually settled on saying, "Loves people but hates other dogs!" loudly (over the barking) whenever we'd encounter another dog owner in public.

After she was gone, we adopted a 4-ish-year-old pomeranian. He's very trusting despite having been neglected. I'm very protective of him because he has a missing eye and is deaf in one ear. (Long story, but the eye incident happened in front of me... thus my extra vigilance. Also, I can totally relate to second-guessing yourself, the dog-parental guilt, etc.) I often ask, "Is your dog friendly?" when we're out on walks. I guess I really mean, "Is it safe to let our dogs scope each other out?"

If I'm on my own and see a cute dog, I don't touch unless I've specifically asked, "Could I pet your dog?"

[Melissa Summers]

I think I'm realizing I wish my dog was friendly so it bugs me when people ask.

She's like Maddie was as a baby/toddler: Slow to Warm Up and I was hoping for a sweet Feel Good baby....and then a dog.

[AmyS]

Well, I def agree with your Boooo comment. One thing does not work for every dog.

I raised a Cockapoo from a 5 week old pup. I did it all wrong. He ended up food aggressive, cat aggressive, dog fearful (though being attacked at three months didn't help). He also bit my daughter at age 4, he was jealous and never got over it. For 4 more years I worked with him and stressed over if the bite would happen again. He was an exceptionally smart dog, who loved people, could do any trick in the book etc. Finally I found him a home with my friend, who was a bachelor, and for the last 2 years of his life he lived the high life. Mostly he had lots of love and nothing to set off his issues. I wish I had done better and you are doing all that you can to help Lucy along. You'll find the right thing that works for her in no time. BTW, if I had seen Caesar before we found our dog a new home, I am absolutely 100% sure that we would have been able to establish Alpha dog and changed, at least some, of the negative behavior. We were just too late! Hang in there!

We now have a 10 month old beagle, who we "rescued" from a barn (family friend in OH) at 7 weeks. She is a love, smart and has been in dog training for 16 weeks. We are moving on to agility. We have incorporated many aspects of training. In the beginning, we used the Alpha dog method with her, so she knows exactly where she fits in (me,my husband, daughter, 12 year old cat, then her) and she has responded wonderfully. The cat, that has hated every other animal we have had in our family, lays next to her with me and does not run or hide from the pup that is now bigger than her. It is a huge accomplishment. My favorite commands are...Wait (for in and out of door/car etc... & Place (for when she is hyper and jumping at people or when we eat dinner. I have three round dog beds that I keep in the living room, bedroom and bathroom. I have spot for her to go on "place" when needed. It works wonderfully and I'm hoping to not need the crate for when we leave soon....more training needed.

So, we have the exact opposite problem as Lucy. Willow is absolutely sure that every single dog, person, child, insect, bird etc.. is her very best friend. Crying, whining, jumping and pulling ensue and I have to work extra hard to calm her down, which can be just as annoying as Lucy's problem when you are trying to enjoy a day out with people or a quiet Starbucks coffee! It all comes in time, so don't give up on her!

Lastly, I still don't know why people have not taught their children (and control themselves) regarding a strangers dog. I can spot a tow headed kid from across a park, who is intent on accosting my ever so cute beagle pup. While I want the interaction, I have to work at calming my dog down, so it doesn't pogo stick right into the face of the pursuer. It's rather annoying and I always correct a child when they approach the wrong way. My hope is that it may impact how they approach other dogs in the future. I usually stop them about 2 feet away and ask them to wait until my pup is sitting then I tell them they can come forward, let her sniff them and pet her under the chin. I can't believe how many children go straight for the head! At least I know my daughter knows better. She always asks "can I pet your dog" and does the above. So totally frustrating!

I have written enough on the subject!

BTW, I hate to answer the phone too and as to parenting...I'm told that I'm doing a wonderful job with my daughter. She's a leader, strong, generous, helpful, fun and happy, but the day to day parenting to help her be that way and become a productive member of society is very, very tiring. Exhausting in fact!

Good luck!

Oh, one more thing! The most important thing that you can give Lucy is confidence, but you have to be confident in the situation and not have the fear of what she "might" do in your head. I always take a deep breath and try to put a positive thought in my mind for attempting training, walking, outings etc... Try not to say to yourself things like "that didn't work last time, it won't this time either" or "I don't want to take her there...last time she was horrible and scared". She'll pick up on that from you. Some of my worst days in training class came from my attitude (whether I was tired or annoyed at my trainer...Willow always knew)! Every day is a new day and a new chance for Lucy to gain the confidence that she needs! So, if you need to, sing the song "Don't worry, be happy" in your head before trying to tackle something new or attempt something that was negative in the past. Repetition is the key!

It's easier said that done, and I've read your post for long enough to know that we are a lot alike and some days it's WAY hard to function for yourself, let alone everyone else (including the dog).

[Nell]

My Lucy just turned four and she is a dear. She is still timid around big dogs, men, and children. Still, I remember coming home from work and sitting outside the front door, crying, knowing that I would have to spend the next 4-5 hours entertaining a puppy who never sat still. It was tough at first, but now I would never ever part with my Lucy. One of the things that helped me was taking her to the dog park or a place where she could run and run and run. When she was less than a year, we would spend about an hour+ there. Now, 20-30 minutes and she's down for the night. I still devote a lot of time exercising her -- usually 1/2 mile every morning and 3 miles in the evening. I have found that exercise is key with dogs.

[Mrs Marcos]

Will Lucy wear clothes? Go make a custom dog t-shirt that says "Fuck off." (sorry, censor that if you want)...that should answer the "Is your dog friend?" question.

[Tammy]

I don't know if you have ever read Three Woofs and A Woo, but it is a marvelously entertaining blog written by The Food Lady about her four dogs. I thought you might enjoy this particular post: http://www.wootube.net/2010/02/mommy-will-kick-you-until-youre-dead/

Keep the faith. Lucy will eventually come around. :-)

[bonzai]

Melissa,
I know the whining is tough, but the crate is your friend, and Lucy's. We are the 3rd and forever home for our female std. poodle rescue. She's a needy, greedy goof, but after 9 months, she's getting there. Training will do wonders, but what she needs now is structure, and the crate will help.
Crate her when you're showering, or otherwise can't watch her. Give her a chewy bone in there. Give her a treat and loving when you let her out. The crate will become her den and 'safe place' - maybe even from Gary!
Hang in there. Dogs, even non-rescue, are frustrating - as are the dim-witted people who think all dogs are Lassie - but it will work out, and you'll wonder what you did without her.

[Nancy]

I feel your pain. I, too, have a rescue dog (an Australian Cattle dog....we live in West Virginia...need I say more!)The first month, he ate my leather couch. Not to be mistaken with putting holes in it; he literally ate it. We put it back together with Gorilla tape (I AM serious.) I have four children whom he interacts with pretty well, although certain outfits they wear make him CRAZY, especially velour (I know, I knew it's comeback wouldn't last!.) It is so strange. He jumped up on my boss's wife and left his paws on her shoulders and simply STARED at her; face to face. For three minutes. Awkward. Last week, he escaped our yard and i caught him in a neighbor's yard. We wrestled (in the mud) for what seemed like an eternity until the neighbor turned the hose...on both of us (not kidding.) It will get better...I am convinced. Like Lucy, he absolutely gorgeous and can be sweet. Keep us all posted with more stories. It gives me comfort!

[Monica]

I had no idea asking someone if their dog is friendly was offensive. I am not sure if I have done it since I am typically more direct, but now I know that I shouldn't. Seems like an indirect way of asking if they or their kids can get closer and offer a hand to sniff.

[Melissa Summers]

Yeah I know it's dog speak. But for me I think, "my dog is really nice! But she probably doesn't like you."

I want her to be friendly but she isn't is probably the bottom line. Neither am I (friendly).

[Lauren]

I've had my dog (half french bulldog, half dachshund) for 6 months now, and he started out with many of the same socialization issues yours has. He is continuing to improve, EVER-SO-SLOWLY, but the progress still continues steadily, and I'll admit, it does not sound like I'm putting in as much effort toward training and socializing as you are. My parents have much the same story with their dog, too- he started out as an antisocial basket-case, but they've had him for a year and half now, and he's turned into a really amazing little guy. Seriously, they like him better than they like me. He gives me hope, though, for my dog and yours! Best of luck!

[a]

I have a 12 pound Lucy.

If other dogs come near her or our yard she goes insane, thinking she is a big Rotti. Lately I have tried the calm.... calm approach (been watching the Dog Whisperer too ;) and it helps a bit.

I get a kick out of the people that have their dogs off leash who lunge at her say "She/He is friendly!!"

Well you know what buddy? My dog ISN'T!

(My older dog walks with us sans leash but is completely harmless and too old to rush anyone. Figure he deserves the privilege at his age and being so well behaved.)

Dogs, a whole 'nuther ball game :)