A new page: What *do* you love about having kids.

My life is a mix of several different feelings. 

Yes I feel frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed by my kids. But I also feel madly passionately in love with my kids. 

Maybe that's hard to see on a day to day basis when reading this site.

Here you go. An ever growing list of Things I Love About Having Kids, Mine In Particular.

Comments

[Molly]

It's not hard to see!

[nelking]

I can totally related to you and any parent that pretends that every moment of parenthood is an overwhelming joy is lying to themselves. There are always those times where you

just.want.to.have.an.adult.conversation.

Yet those are few compared to being amazed and proud as they become their own person, not you, not their father, but themselves.

I have two young men, who are getting ready to leave and go off to college over the next three years. It is in the words of VP Biden a F***ing big deal and so so cool to be a part of...

[Amy]

I was thinking of you yesterday when my daughter kept making this awful noise with her mouth. A couple years ago when I first read you describing such a terrible sound and how irritating it was I couldn't grasp what it was you were talking about. But yesterday--oh, man, do I get it now. Parenting is such a pendulum of emotions. Yesterday I was really starting to feel angry that my almost-4-year-old would NOT shut up. My patience and compassion were spent. But then today... today she was so lovely and delightful I almost burst from the joy of it. No wonder I'm exhausted. This roller coaster knocks the wind right out of you.

[Tricia]

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone! You're continuing in the proud tradition of Erma Bombeck and anyone else like Erma Bombeck! (is there anyone else like her?)

There's never been anything wrong with telling your truths.

Being a parent is the most exasperating thing I've ever done. I probably scare my kids with half the things I say, and I swear I'm not a scary woman. Life is not now and has never been easy or perfect for mothers. And if people think that really is the case for everyone and find it wrong to tell your stories when they don't depict perfection, those people need more help than you and me.

I haven't been around since the beginning, so I haven't read everything you've written. But, I assumed you love your kids at least as well as I love mine. And, good grief, I'm not sure there is a bigger love!

[Allisone]

I agree with the first commenter. It isn't hard to see at all.

[Laura]

Holy cow, my oldest was making that "noise" yesterday, too. And all I could think of was this is only a week off, how on earth am I going to do a whole summer?

And then an hour later she said something so clever and insightful for a four year old and I just melted. Our youngest is starting to throw tantrums that make me want a time out, but it's all wiped away with a kiss and a laugh.

I have always tried to be as honest as possible about how difficult marriage and motherhood can be at times. That doesn't mean I don't love my husband or my kids. In fact, I'd walk in front of a moving train to save all 3 of them if necessary. I also feel that if something awful were to happen to any of them, I don't know how I would go on. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to have a "bad day at work" or complain about my "job".

I just think it's unfortunate that other people can't see that logic.

[Kate]

I cried and cried reading this list. My parents were really shitty parents, so it's always been very moving to read you, since you had a shitty childhood but are an amazing mother. It feels very redemptive to me. Thanks for continuing to share so openly.

[Caution Flag]

The two best times of the day? The first five minutes after my kids leave for school and the first five minutes after they come home. The rest is all a blur!

[Gretchen]

Although I have never commented, I have been reading your blog regularly for a few years now and I never once have gotten the impression that you don't love your kids or don't love them in the "right way", whatever that means. I read your blog because I can relate and it makes me feel better to know that I am not the only mother out there who loves her kids but sometimes loves them more when they're napping. It was a great list though!

[Anne]

My comment is going to basically identically echo the one right above from Gretchen. I also haven't commented before but just literally mumbled out loud "oh, for pete's sake!" at the thought of anyone interpreting your posts as you lacking any love for your children. Maybe this wasn't directly in response to a specific thing (or maybe it was, or maybe even not at this particular moment, but you get attacked other times), all I know is I read every single one of the other posts you linked to and your love shines through.

[Melissa Summers]

It kind of was in response. I've had a crappy week.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Anne]

Oh also: something about this post reminded me of one I read recently by another mom, that is essentially about doing it all wrong (and it doesn't just stop at parenting). Maybe you'll like it: http://fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-love-stuff-as-much-as-other.html

[Jaxx]

Raising kids is the hardest job in the world. Of course we parents have days when we want to pull our hair out. (And theirs too!) I don't understand these parents today who try to act like every moment is joyous. It's not. When my daughter was about 8 we were in a store waiting in line and a grandmotherly woman looked at me and said, "Enjoy every moment, they just grow up so fast, don't they?" It hadn't been a good day that day and I looked at her and said, "No, sometimes it doesn't seem fast at all." I remember her glaring at me then and probably feeling very sorry for my daughter for having a terrible mother.

I made mistakes as a mother. I wasn't perfect. But I loved her fiercely and told her often. When we had bad days I apologized and told her it wasn't her fault. (Unless it was, and then it was a different lecture) I must have done something right because she is 31 now and my most favorite person in the world, and I am hers.

So, hang in there laboring parents. If you are as lucky as me you are raising people who will make you glow inside for the rest of your lives. I talk to my daughter every single day and hang out with her and my grandsons every weekend. There isn't anybody on earth I would rather be with.

It was worth every single moment of her raising to have her in my life.

[library management]

No doubt, there is a great relation and that's natural. Having fun with kids makes this relationship more deeper.

[Suzrocks]

I don't even HAVE kids yet- and I'm not planning on it in the near future, but I find it extremely entertaining to read about your experiences with yours. I've never once thought "wow, why did this lady even have kids- she must hate them".

Tell them to suck it. (and by them, I'm referring to the mean people- not your kids) You give me hope that becoming a mom doesn't automatically make turn you into a humorless robot. And also inspired me to keep my IUD- for just a bit longer...

[Jessica]

I've read your blog for years and I do because your honest. You say it how it is and don't pretend everything is perfect. I've never once thought you didn't love your kids.....just the opposite.

[andrea]

What do I love about having kids? They provide a great reason to leave parties/gatherings early! A great excuse for having a messy house... I'm sure I'll come up with more after this hellish spring break is over and they are gone :)

[Thea Gyde]

Some days being a mom involves laying down in the trenches while blindfolded and trudging through it! Other days the world of motherhood is coming up roses. I never (ever!) doubt the love you have for your children. Thank you, as always, for being real about motherhood. Bacon costumes, book signings, and picky eating...I look forward to what's next!

[pharmgirl]

Anyone who says that parenting is easy has has misplaced their children and does not realize it yet.
Puleeze. Of course you love your kids. I love mine. But there are days when the challenges outpace the rewards -
A perfectly natural state of affairs when you realize how much of ourselves we have vested in our offspring.

[Katie]

Who doubts you love your family? Not anyone doing a close reading of your blog. You are fierce with your love for your people, but you are also brilliantly honest about the angst of being a mom. It makes at least some of us feel very real and normal. I'm thrilled that people like you write to make me and my friends stories more public and thus more real and known. Keep it up, Melissa. You are doing very impt work.

[Lisa]

I just want to reiterate what everyone here has said. I'm an unmarried woman with no children, so I don't know what it's like to be a mom. But I do know what I put my own mother through, and she was a saint.

I read a lot of popular blogs, but I have to say yours is one of my very favorites. You're not phony--it's so refreshing. You're not afraid to write with your own voice and talk about difficult truths. You provide great recipes and craft ideas, but not in an annoying "I'm so special. Look at me, I'm Martha Stewart, Jr.!" way. It seems like even on your worst day, you still give it your best and you have a kind heart.

Bravo to you, the writer of one of the most unique, real and interesting blogs about being a wife and mother, and everything else that comes with it. What you write obviously matters and resonates with many.

[Hesper]

I have been reading this site for several years now. Never once have I questioned whether or not you loved your kids or enjoyed being a parent. I don't even get where that is all coming from? I have an almost one year old and although I love him more than anything on this earth, he frustrates me pretty much every single day. And some days I can't wait to put him to bed! GASP!

[Amy]

I never got the sense reading your blog that you didn't like your kids. In fact, quite the opposite. Your blog is filled with posts about the way you nourish your family body, mind, and soul. I find the fact that you are honest about how hard it is and about how it can all get a little much sometimes refreshing but that has nothing to do with how much you obviously adore your kids.