Suburban Bliss:: Birth Control Via The Written Word

The Dog Park!

We took Lucy to the Dog Park tonight. I'll admit I've been known to go to dog related events even when I didn't have a dog simply because watching dogs have SO MUCH FUN makes it impossible to remain unhappy. I think everyone should just sit around watching dogs having fun at least for the rest of the month of April. 

Luckily now I do have a dog so on a Monday night I can take my dog to the dog park. At the dog park I can watch her run around and have a great time sniffing butts. Without a dog that would be deemed, you know, a little odd. Now I can watch dogs sniffing each other's butts all I want. 

No really ALL I want.

But the butt sniffing at the dog park isn't really the part I love.

It's not even really the chasing either. Although she's pretty agile to watch.

And it's not watching Lucy make new friends, tentatively.

Sometimes, really tentatively. 

It's not even watching Lucy run around with my little boy, though that's a pretty lovable part.

No, the best part is watching my dog so happy. 

Watching her running around the park with so much joy makes me think of the first time I pushed my kids on the swings, their shrieks of laughter and pure joy at this new experience. 

Lucy at the dog park is pure joy. I'm glad I had kids first because if I hadn't had kids people might say, "Oh dogs are nothing, just wait until you have kids."

It's true raising a pup is a lot less complicated than raising kids. Lucy can grow up and still be a good being without ever flossing her teeth. Still, it's fun to relive those intense moments of simple happiness again with our dog. Without another college education to pay for. 

The other really great thing about the dog park? 

Exhaustion.

This post is part of our It’s Good To Give series, which is sponsored by Milk-Bone.  Check out their Canine Assistants program, which helps people with disabilities and get involved by sharing photos of your own dog on the Milk-Bone Flickr stream.

Spring Cocktails: Backyard Sandbox Playdate

 

 

Logan's a fan of making cocktails. Why do it only at the holidays? why not do it when the weather gets warmer and all your clothes come flying off. Yes! From Logan:

If, for whatever reason, Liss can't have a Sierra Nevada, Prosecco is what she reaches for. When she found a recipe for a Prosecco Mojito a few weeks ago, it sounded like a cocktail she'd like a lot. I don't know many people who don't like a Mojito. It's light and refreshing -- a great drink to have on the deck in the sun, but I likes me a variation on a theme! We tried the recipe and it was good, but we felt it had more potential than our results revealed. I made a few changes and additions and we agreed it was better. Don't ask what made me think adding ginger ale was a good idea, but it does add some subtle but tasty flavor.

I had a "knowledgeable" cocktail drinking friend over tonight (they named a drink after him at a local bar) and I made one for him (and for the photo) and he said it was the best Mojito he's ever had. But don't take our word for it -- make this drink for yourself and some friends and you be the judge.

  

If you have oily skin, buy nose plugs.

It seems like buying face cleanser should be pretty straight forward but I bought some last week came home, used it and nearly died. My usual no-smell face cleanser smelled like an old lady's perfume...fermented. It was enough to make me gag while washing my face. 

I said to Logan, "Oh My God, I'm going to have to call the company and ask why they changed their formula."

And Logan said, "Call? Ha ha haaha aha hahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!'

"Well," I said. "I'll definitely write a strongly worded email."

I didn't do that either but I did go to the store to get some answers.

Turns out there are two formulas that look nearly identical.

 
It turns out if you have oily skin you use Daily Facial cleanser and hold your breath.

If you have regular skin you use Gentle Skin Cleanser and can breathe.

Just, you know thought you'd like to know. 

Authenticity

Years ago I read this quote: "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." It's been attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, but that's disputed as well.

I don't actually care who said it, I've always gone back to it.

It's not that I never talk about people, of course I do, but when I spend more of my time with friends talking about people I feel like I just ate a giant bag of cheetos and my fingers are dyed orange and I can't get the stains off my hands. I feel gross and even though I've stopped eating the cheetos, I've got the reminder of my binge on my hand and I feel like a shitty person.

I'm not a fan of that feeling.

I find my relationships with other people most satisfying when our Idea/Event/People is 40% Ideas, 40% events and 20% people.

There are two things that are deal breakers for friendships in my world. Feeling that I'm giving more than I'm getting and feeling like I am complaining about a friend more than I'm not.

When that happens, I just don't feel good about myself.

This last week I decided both those things were true about a friendship in my life. Over time our friendship had changed and I was okay with that given that our personalities didn't always match up very well and I was getting out of the relationship what I was putting into it. Not very much.

But then she had a project going on and I felt like I was supportive and excited for her to be trying her hand at what will hopefully become her career after being out of the work world for years and raising a family. I volunteered, my husband volunteered, I lamented the changing of expectations at home when you go back to work, I felt like a cheerleader telling her happy I was she'd found her talent and was using it to start a career. I celebrated her success.

Then a couple of weeks ago I had some excitement in my own life. A front page article in the Free Press and a local radio interview I think I handled pretty well, especially considering it was over the phone and at 7:30am (early wake up + talking on the phone = BOO!) I was also given the opportunity to speak at a local-ish conference.

These were exciting for me because I've had some career goals in mind and one of those things is to be more locally known as a blogger in this genre.

I didn't hear a word of "way to go" or "nice job" or "how exciting" from this friend and after many emails to both Logan and I about various aspects of her project and reminding me of my volunteer duties coming up, without a word about any of the exciting things going on in my life. I realized, "Ouch. I don't like this."

And so I told her I didn't like it and we agreed it would be best if we moved forward expecting nothing from one another. 

Sounds civil enough, yes? Clear enough? Not angry or catty? A friendship that grew apart and finally ended when I realized I couldn't be my best self while letting this person under my skin and that I couldn't give anything when I didn't feel I was getting anything in return. 

And yet, the rest of my friends are all worked up about what this means. They feel put in the middle or like I've ruined the group or like I'm too difficult. People look scared of me even, patting my back and saying, "I'm worried about you." 

And I'm left sitting around my house alone on a Saturday night wondering what the answer is. Logan still volunteered because he a) doesn't like conflict and b) enjoys working his ass off for free. He's got a tattoo, it's a heart with a banner across it reading, "FREElance".

Is the answer to pretend to be friends? Is the answer to bitch or "vent" about someone who pushes your buttons behind her back and play nice to her face? It just doesn't seem right to me, doesn't make me feel like a good person and makes me feel, like I said, like I just snorted the dust out of the bottom of a bag of cheetos.

Ideally the answer would be to feel neutral about a person you no longer want to be friends with and let it fade away. This is much easier when they're not a part of your social circle and perceived to be in your core group of friends. 

A few years ago a similar thing happened with a friend. I realized I was increasingly talking about her behind her back and so much of what she said and did was grating and it wasn't just me who felt that way so of course I had a group of friends who were spending more than the healthy (for me) portion of time talking about this other person. Eleanor Roosevelt would be stunned at how very very small our minds were.

Finally I'd had it. I realized it wasn't just one thing this person did that she could maybe stop doing and we could get along. It was that her entire outlook on the world was in direct opposition to what I wanted in a friend. I told this friend enough was enough we couldn't be close friends anymore but if I see you around, I certainly don't want to be enemies. 

And again my circle of friends bristled. A friend's husband even called me to tell me I needed to try harder. That I was being silly! Other friends felt put in the middle, Logan thought I was being a terrible person.

I felt like a terrible person for keeping a friend I felt compelled to bitch and vent about every time I was around my girlfriends. After I "broke up" with her our friends would start to tell me the latest vent and I had to stop them. Not only did I not care anymore, if they were going to keep being friends with her I needed them not to talk about her behind her back because guess what? If people are talking about one person to you? They're talking about you to other people. [Word Of Wisdom for Maddie #5]

I'll admit it's undeniably awkward when you say something out loud that most people just let happen over time. Honesty makes people bristle, I've got the email to prove it!

But I don't know what the answer is. I've felt like shit about myself ever since. I've felt isolated from my group of friends, unsure what my social life is going to look like now that I've cut a big personality in our circle out of my core group of friends, Logan is mad at me because he hates conflict (boy did he marry poorly in that realm) and I'm bowing out of the Girls weekend I've been looking forward to since last year. 

I don't believe in knowing everyone or making sure everyone knows my name. I don't believe in inviting everyone to the party so no one thinks you're a bitch and I don't believe in having aspirational friends.

Certainly I don't want all my relationships to be at the same level. I don't expect or want every friendship I have to be "best-pal" quality. 

But I really just need all the relationships in my life to be authentic.

Bike Rides With Lucy

It's been pretty dog heavy around here recently. Well, if we're being honest it's been a pretty dog-heavy year. 

Lucy is getting a lot more comfortable with us. She's acting like a puppy a lot more often and is absolutely dying to wrestle with Socks the cat. I'm constantly looking for ways to wear her out because I sort of want to kill her if she isn't worn out. 

I mean I still love her, just look at her, but she gets pretty annoying when she's bored.

Logan has taken her out for 1 or 2 runs, apparently his runs are very specialized and can't include dogs for the most part. However, she loves running. I like to think of half our walks as runs without the actual running. Her whole body strains to go faster. 

I read about the Walky Dog bike leash and told Logan I'd get it for him to put on his bike. That way he could incorporate the dog into his hobby! He took to this idea like he took to the idea of getting a bike trailer or a jogging stroller so the kids could join him while he pursued his hobby. Logan's hobbies though are very important however so he poo-pooed my idea.

Taking Lucy for 3-4 walks a day is you know nice but not great for time management and since I'm never going to be a runner I decided to get the bike leash for myself. I asked Twitter if they had any feedback about this particular gadget and no one did. But Scott from The Dog Outdoors chimed in offering to send us one to try.

Internet, you're pretty okay. Even though sometimes you call me a fat drunk who doesn't love my kids. Maybe you were just having your period.

The installation process was super simple, just a doo-hickey around the bike seat pole that allows the straight bar to be easily attached and removed as needed. Inside that bar are springs which absorb any pulling the dog may do. 

Lucy, God love her, believes she would like to eat your dog's face when she is on a leash. Once off a leash she just wants to play. So when we see a dog and she's on a leash she pulls pretty hard. She's only 40 pounds so it's not too difficult to control. 

However, if I was holding a leash and trying to balance on a bike I would easily be pulled over. The springs absorb the pulling a great deal and also act as a self corrector. 

I also like it because the bar is totally neutral. I'm constantly being told that my fear is being transferred through the leash because I'm afraid Lucy is going to eat another dog's face off. But she reacts exactly the same to other dogs with the emotionally neutral Walky Dog leash as she does with my anxious leash. 

The only time we had any trouble with the Walky Dog was when Logan tried to take a picture. You can see how troubling that is for Lucy above. She sort of jerked backwards and yanked the (not attached tightly enough) bar backwards throwing herself on the ground behind the wheel. So that was nice. Cameras are TERRIFYING.

Lucy is a lot like me in many ways. She's slow to warm up around people, doesn't like cameras, she doesn't particularly like being handled by strangers, and she hates the phone. However, she likes running and no matter how fast I go I can't seem to wear her out. Running as fast as you can for an extended period of time is against my Personal Mission Statement (except if something predatory is chasing you).

I'm so happy to help her get some of her energy out while not having to take up running. (Something I briefly debated.)

Next up, Dog Park!

Thank you Scott and The Dog Outdoors for our new Dog Wearer-Outer!

Did They Eat It: Sloppy Joe's

I swear I have fed my children since the last time I made a Did They Eat It post on March 16th. Wow, how did that happen.

I got a craving for Sloppy Joe's after sitting in the car at the market flipping through Simply Recipes on my phone. Here is the recipe. 

Warm, Fuzzy & Always Right.

When I put my mind to something, it usually gets done.

For example a few years ago I said to Logan, "This house has sucked our will to live long enough. We are going to sell it."

Oh he balked at the idea, "There's too much work to do!" "The market is terrible! Nothing's selling!"

But I ripped wall paper off walls, burning my hands in the process, I peed in a port-a-john on the driveway and showered at the Y, I painted miles and miles of trim.......and in the end we sold the house.

I've wanted a dog for a long time, at least as long as Maddie has, but I knew dogs were a lot of work so I would sort of throw the idea around in my head and then remember that I could barely handle the two kids I have.

Except finally this winter the idea came into my head and I realized everything sort of fit. It was time to get a dog.

The only problem was Logan.

Logan's reasons for not getting a dog at this time were as follows:

1) The cost.
2) The cats might not like a dog.
3) It will be hard.
4) He is a mean, cold person who is dead inside*

*I made that one up.

What Logan forgot though is how persuasive I am once I get a bee in my bonnet. So over the next seven days I waged a campaign to break down his defenses in regards to a dog.

My friend Alice found Lucy (then Princess Mia) on Petfinder.com when I threatened to just come and take her dog Charlie.

Finding Princess Mia upped my passionate pursuit of a dog for our family. She kind of caught my attention quickly. I can't explain exactly why, other than I am an obsessive person and she just looked like the kind of dog I could picture in our lives.

I systematically broke down each of Logan's points for not getting a dog.

We promised Maddie she would have a dog at some point in her childhood. We didn't say, "But only if it's not hard."

The cats were an unknown of course and I have to tell you cats who urinate in the house are a deal breaker for me so if they freaked, I knew I'd have trouble. I researched introducing dogs to resident cats and shared numerous links with Logan who, I suspect, didn't read a single word.

As for the cost of dog ownership, I admitted our budget is often quite slim with little wiggle room. However just the month before Logan's company gave back the 10% pay cut he'd gotten about a year earlier. Not that a dog costs 10% of our income to own, but I'd had getting the housekeepers back in our lives at the top of my ToDo list once we got our pay back. I agreed, to get a dog, I would forgo the housekeepers. I figured dogs can help clean. So far, this hasn't been the case.

Things got a little tense at certain points in the dog convincing process, mostly because I told the kids I was thinking it was time to get a dog and this resulted in Logan feeling "ganged up on".

To this point I countered, "Well hop on board Team Dog!"
(He wasn't amused.)

By that weekend Logan had agreed to visit Princess Mia/Lucy at an adoption event. I thought he'd melt at the sight of her, but he didn't. He was lukewarm at best.

However, he did agree to take her on for a "trial run" for a couple of weeks.

Two weeks later we adopted her officially and he still "Didn't Want A Dog"
Here he is not wanting the crap out of that dog:

(He is not breastfeeding the dog, but man, it looks like it.)

We've had Lucy for just over two months now and we're all pretty enamored with her. She's the perfect dog for our family at the perfect time.

The other day Logan said, while holding Lucy in his arms like a baby, "How did you know this was the right dog for us?"

And I said, "Well, it's just that I'm always right."

This post is part of our It’s Good To Give series, which is sponsored by Milk-Bone.  Check out their Canine Assistants program, which helps people with disabilities and get involved by sharing photos of your own dog on the Milk-Bone Flickr stream.

I'm travelling around the block to a conference.

It kind of feels against my religion to attend a conference that's around the block from my house. What about the air travel? The lost luggage? The painful shoes walking all over an unfamiliar city? The massive hangover.

And yet, I'm attending Future Midwest this Friday and Saturday.

FutureMidwest is the region’s largest two-day technology and knowledge conference taking place in Royal Oak, Mich. April 16 – 17, 2010. Founded by Adrian Pittman, Jordan Wolfe and Zach Lipson, FutureMidwest is the fusion of two successful conferences held in Michigan in 2009 – the Module Midwest Digital Conference and TechNow.

Both conferences highlighted how technology and digital tools have dramatically changed the way we do business and the effect this transition has had on companies. FutureMidwest kicks things up a notch with presentations, group breakout sessions, relationship-building opportunities and influencers who are taking action to redefine business in the digital age.

I think you should come too.

If you do come, please say hello. I'll be the lone Mommy Blogger trying to explain exactly what it is I do while eyes glaze over.

It'll be fun!

A new page: What *do* you love about having kids.

My life is a mix of several different feelings. 

Yes I feel frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed by my kids. But I also feel madly passionately in love with my kids. 

Maybe that's hard to see on a day to day basis when reading this site.

Here you go. An ever growing list of Things I Love About Having Kids, Mine In Particular.

Where I talked on the phone, to the public, while hugging strangers*

WJR Interview on the Paul W. Smith show this morning. I can't believe we're STILL discussing the simple fact that you can love your kids and still be frustrated by them some of the time.

(Thanks Logan for finding it for me!)

*I didn't really hug strangers but to make it as awkward as possible I should have.

Nice Example, Mom.

A few weeks ago Maddie and I were invited to an event to discuss, mainly, Mean Girls with Rosalind Wiseman. Rosalind wrote the book Mean Girls And Wannabes that was the basis of the movie Mean Girls. 

Rosalind is on a Girl World Book Tour and her presentation was one of those times I'm so happy I have a daughter. A daughter who is so much like me. For example, as we ate dinner before the event she said, "If they make us stand up and talk, can we leave?"

High Five Little Lady. We're out of there and at Dairy Queen for ice cream sundaes if there's a public speaking component.

But there wasn't. We talked about lots of things and I highly recommend Rosalind's book to learn how to talk to your daughter and also to find ways to help them deal with other girls in their class. 

[Here is a place where I am not discussing my daughter's own story because it's not mine to tell.]

What I was most surprised by was how much what we talked about applies to my own life as an adult woman, especially my life on the internet. At some point the idea of "ignoring" bullies or "mean girls" was brought up and all the girls in the room chimed in with, "NEVER WORKS DUH".

Rosalind talked about how everyone has a right to dignity. If someone doesn't respect you, your feelings and your right to exist in this world as you choose, you have a right to ask them to give you dignity. To leave you alone, ease up, move along. 

If they don't give it to you, you have a right to dismiss that person.

I immediately thought of that awful blog created to "defend" the children of various bloggers. To "defend" the children of bloggers while calling their father gay, making fun of their mother's teeth, calling their mother fat/stupid/ugly/bad.....

I realized then, I'm still as an adult dealing with Mean Girls. 

I was being bullied and just like it doesn't work for 12 year old girls, ignoring doesn't work for 36 year old girls either. I named my bully and called her out to discuss what she has to say. Of course she conveniently has come out of the wood work once the really terrible things she's had to say are lost to Google Cache and not easy for the general population to find. 

But still, here she is out in the light, forced to own her words and that feels remarkably good. 

But how do we reach adulthood still thinking it's okay to make fun of someone's teeth/call their husband gay/tell the world they don't love their children correctly?

After Rosalind Wiseman spoke Maddie and I stood in line to have her sign our books. I wanted to leave, the line was really long. Maddie insisted she really wanted that signature in her book.

As an aside, the way Maddie views authors makes me so proud. She thinks of authors, people who write and have people read them, as awe inspiring celebrities. 

We waited in line with a lot of other mothers and their preteen daughters. 

A bookstore hosted this event and the owner of the bookstore walked around taking pictures for their store's website. He was a very tall gentleman with deep set eyes and the kind of complexion that gives his eyes a darker area around them. 

A mom right behind us, after spending an evening learning about how people pick apart other people in order to feel better about themselves and how hurtful it can be, turned to her daughter and said, jovially:

"Oh, how nice! Lurch is taking pictures."

....... 

A Summers Hootenanny.

Just sitting around in the yard, enjoying the weather. 

Lucy, is....concerned.

She's over it.

All my babies, including my fur baby. (Not talking about Max.)

We bought Max a guitar this weekend, a birthday gift. It's been attached to his shoulder ever since. He needs a haircut, but don't all rock stars?

Pre Half Marathon Sunday Relaxation.

Maddie's signature hair move.

Signature Rock Move

Her regular face move.

Lucy does all their vocals and manages the band. They like green m&m's in their dressing room, Lucy makes sure you don't forget it.

If I had to change her diaper I'd probably be less smitten too.

Life's been a little slow around here. Our dog continues to rock our world in the best way causing Mr "Didn't Want A Dog" to say over the weekend, "I'm really glad we have a dog."

I wonder when he'll learn I'm always right. 

The other night a few friends gathered to celebrate one girl's birthday. Her family got a puppy at Christmas and things are intense at their house. Their dog is the happy fun loving kind who loves everything especially the cats and playing chase when it's time to get in her crate. Their pup is super cute and also exhausting.

My friend is feeling pretty worn out by the dog, like she's raising a baby.

I don't know if you know this but I find raising kids to be pretty hard. I never hesitated especially when they were young to complain about the parts I found particularly challenging. The bickering, the non-stop talking, the constipation, public tantrums, and the simple task of entertaining two totally dependent people 8-10 hours a day...

So I was surprised while sharing dog stories with my friends to say, "You know, it's really going great. I can't complain."

This is surprising because I can always complain.

I did realize the other day, as I tried not to trip over Lucy, my constant shadow. 

I have a feeling if Lucy could talk, I'd probably have something to complain about.