The World's Lamest Epiphany

I decided last week it was better that I just shut my pie hole because pretty much all I wanted to say was "Well, this month was a total bust." And, enh, that's boring. 

Now it's May and May is going to be better. Especially because I've signed up for the May session of Mondo Beyondo. Because inspiration is what I need right about now. I feel a little stunted, probably because half the things going on in my life right now aren't things I can talk about. That's always good for a person who enjoys writing about her life. 

I could show you the work I've been doing on our front porch, but my camera is broken. This makes me so sad I'm having a difficult time expressing my grief. 

I could tell you about how my brother has decided not to speak to me anymore. But I'd only make the issue worse and I'm hopeful someday he'll decide to speak to me again so my kids won't miss out on having a really great aunt and uncle. 

I could tell you how this dog has lost its ever loving mind and is peeing in my house all the sudden. Including on the before mentioned revamped porch. On a cushion, a cushion I unwittingly sat on to eat my breakfast yesterday. These are the kinds of things I don't really get over very quickly. Sitting in dog urine = day ruiner. 

Well, see? This is why I just shut my pie hole last week and should have kept it shut. 

Here's something marginally more entertaining. 

Last week I had the world's lamest epiphany. 

Many times I'm kind of racing around quickly getting food on the table at dinner time. Well, during dinners I just sort of throw together with frozen vegetables and pasta on nights when we're too busy (or too lazy) to do a full sit down meal. 

When I get both the kid's food on the table I feel sort of like a waitress and I can finally take my smoke break. 

Max has milk with every meal. And it's like a tic of his to immediately upon sitting down to ask me for his milk. There's an urgency to this, like his milk will keep him alive. As if today, after 8 years of serving milk to this kid at dinner, I'd suddenly forget to serve the milk and he'll die. 

I've found myself racing to get to the milk before he can ask for it because something about the asking for the milk just grates on me. (I know, it's dumb.)

The downside of having just two kids is you can actually do everything for them. My friend has four kids all about a year apart. Her youngest son who is five, can tie his shoes, balance the checkbook and makes a mean chicken marsala. 

Her expectations for her kids are a little higher because in order to get dinner on the table or get out the door in the morning in a reasonable amount of time, the kids are going to have to learn to be a little more independent. 

So suddenly, I realized: 

Max is nine years old. 
He can get his own milk.

Thank you! I am a parenting genius! I'll probably write a book about this. 

Comments

[Lisame]

Hang in there kid! The dog is feeling your stress - they do that. When you feel better she will feel better.

[Tricia]

We have a bedroom that we just use for toys and really no one goes in there much. Anyway, for a long time, that's were Boots would go pee if I didn't let him out in a timely fashion, or if he was upstairs.

I didn't know how bad it was until I got a black light for the purpose of seeing how bad it was.

It was bad. Get a black light.

I also got a gallon of the stuff your spray on the urine stains that promises to remove all odor if you just soak the stain and let it dry. I used about 3/4s of the gallon in the pee room last night.

I can no longer smell the pee which probably means I'm just used to the pee smell. But, my 5 year old is sensitive to the pee smell, so I will try to get him to sniff in a day or two and tell me if it still smells like pee. I will let you know how it goes. It's supposed to dry completely, and it hasn't done that yet, so I don't know yet if it's worked.

[erika edith]

May will be awesome - I can feel it. Our dog always pees on the wrong things in public (ie. PEOPLE!!) - at least in the privacy of your own home, with cleaner close at hand - you are better equipped to deal with it (trying to look on the bright side - not my strong suit).

[melissa]

heres to a very awesome may. and to max getting his own milk. and to my children learning how to start and complete their chores. if they can remember that they even have chores.
hope your dog stops peeing all over. and i hope my dog does too. and the pooping...ugh.
oy, i think i already need a drink.

[Slim]

Having kids make chicken marsala, having them check for lingering pee smell, having them get their own milk. It's going to be Personal Growth May for people of all ages, I can just tell.

[Stefanie]

Do you know about No Go? If you don't already own some, go to your local pet store and get it, stat! You spray it on the sites where she has peed, and it takes the scent away so she doesn't start thinking of those spots as o.k. places to go. Nature's Miracle and No Go are the two products no dog owner should ever be without. I hope May goes better for you!

[Darci]

I lived with nine housemates who's parents did EVERYTHING for them, so when living together, I think they expected the maid to do their laundry, clean the bathroom and do the dishes for them. It was goddawful annoying and the smells, well, let me just say that your dog pee smell was on the lower end of the spectrum.

Believe me, teaching your kids to do for themselves makes the world a better place. Independence is the gift you give as a parent. And their future roommates/spouses will thank you for it.

Not a lame epiphany, Mom. It's a good one!

[Kara]

A blacklight warning from my own personal experience (I have cats).

The way that some baseboards and stair risers were treated/stained makes then fluoresce under blacklight. This is important to keep in mind because otherwise you might turn on the blacklight, and everything will glow, and then you will freak out thinking that the cats have peed on everything. (like I did)

Then I calmed down. But still.. learn from me and avoid the full-on freak out.

But you have cats, and probably already know this...

I second the Nature's Miracle as a miracle cure.

[libby]

I love that epiphany! I find it so easy to assume I need to do every.little.thing for my kids and it really is an exercise to not just do it myself. Especially when doing whatever task myself is faster/drama-free/does not result in another mess to clean, etc.

I hope you and your brother are able to work through this conflict. A child's life is so enriched by having an extended family of great people.

[Kate]

I'm really sorry your April sucked so mightily. Mine did, too.

My dogs both went through a stage where they were aware that they SHOULDN'T pee on the floor so they would pull a pillow off the bed or a towel off the towel bar or something so they could pee on *that*. Like, look at me, not peeing on the floor! God, I'm such a smart puppy.

[Jill]

Genius! I had a simple epiphany this weekend as well... about cleaning up toys. I AM DONE. (Which may or may not have come after I was caught screaming "I'm sick of cleaning up crap I didn't get out!") - my kids are 5 and 2 - cleaning up toys CAN and WILL be done by them from now on.

[nelking]

They can also take out the trash, empty and load a dishwasher (if you can let them organize it their way) and with a little training they can clean a toilet.

I love kids:)

[Tracy]

I feel your epiphany! Our 10, 8 and 6 year olds only know how to help AFTER I've lost my temper. Hate to admit that, but that's life. Somehow pulling things out does NOT equal putting things away. I almost didn't mind so much when I was "just" a stay-at-home mom ;0 But now with starting our ecosizeme.com business, I expect a little help. And you know what, that's absolutely OKAY. I'm a mom, not a maid or waitress or servant or whatever else. They'll be better adults for having learned responsibility early. Hope the other things for you turn around soon. Can you write about the inspiration you get at mondo beyondo so we can all partake :)

[Annabelle]

Horray for Mondo Beyondo. I joined last year but didn't end up doing it because I literally didn't have the time. Perhaps it's for those past the preschool years. At least I have all the printouts for when I'm ready.

And my parenting epiphany? Realizing I didn't have to hold my wet, slippery, squirming 16 month old after a bath to dry her off. Turns out the same kid who can walk and run can stand on the bath mat outside the tub. Horray for changing up the routine!

[Ariel]

May is already sucking for me- My late brothers wife(widow? Whatever? He's dead and she's remarried) lost her brother in a stupid car accident and I'm sad.
I'm hoping things will get better:(
In other news my dog puked, ate it, and I didn't know until I could smell throw up and when I did find it cleaning the carpet just made it smell WORSE? WTF?
Gag.
And I still let him sleep with me. I must love that dog.

[Judi]

It's funny how our kids train us....my nine year old has his habits that just send me over as well. I just wanted to pop in with the dog issue, we had a two year old Dobie and she had a few bladder infections which caused her to pee for apparently no reason. (sadly we lost her last year) Our new Dobie "dribbles," and sometimes cannot hold it, especially when she gets excited. The vet thinks she has incontinence...which thankfully there are pills for.

[Rhonda]

We went through the same thing this weekend with our five month old golden retriever. She is house trained but on Friday night she just randomly started peeing in the house. I took her to the vet on Sunday and as it turns out she has a UTI. Hopefully that is not the case with your pooch, but I just thought I'd share the info just in case!

[Sharon]

Yeah, that asking for a drink drives me crazy. The kids think that I am their waitress. No matter what they have in front of them on the table, they always think of something else that they "need".

[am]

I'm sorry April was so shitty. I want to do something to "fix" it but it's not my place, nor can I - as a humble reader.
I want to go and talk to your brother and get things worked out. I want to go and talk to Lucy and talk about her peeing and get her to stop.....Anyway, I know there's nothing I can do but send you best wishes for your family.

(adding in the recent fight with the cat, I'm also gonna go with the UTI thing. My normally very docile dog did the same. She was grumpy with the cats and mopey like a teenager. Peeing all over, too..ugh. UTI city. I hope that it's something just as simple as that for you!)

[Emily]

Love the epiphany, too. For some reason, my mom never had this epiphany with my sister. I was always pretty independent, I was a busy teenager and typically cooked my own food. But man, my sister, ugh! She is TWENTY-ONE-FREAKING-YEARS-OLD and she still expects to be served dinner when she's at my parents' house. Everyone would be sitting down eating and she'll ask my parents to get her some cheese, some dressing, a new napkin, and they DO IT! WTF!

[Maureen]

I hope your May is better.
The milk thing kills me... both of my kids immediately ask for milk before I'm finished putting dinner on the table. I'm in the middle of getting their cups and hear, "Can I have some milk, please?" Then I growl something like, "I'm getting it now, if you just give me a minute." My son gets his own breakfast in the morning because he is up before anyone else, so why don't I have him get his own milk at dinner? Sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with me:)

[Tricia]

I've taken to saying "that's one of those things you can get yourself, right?" to my oldest when he asks for milk. He's always like, "Oh, yeah!" like he just remembered he can pour his own milk.

[Amy in KC]

I took my twin boys in for their 4-year checkup and the doctor asked, "Are they dressing themselves?" I just looked at him like, "They can do that?" I hope to have more such epiphanies in the future, especially since I am pregnant with #3 right now.

[Stevie]

Thanks for this, Melissa. Always nice to feel less alone in all this! I just signed up for Mondo Beyondo ... I could use summa that too.

[K.B,]

I know what you mean about things grating on your nerves. When my 4 year old is done pooping, he shouts "OOOOKKKKKAAAYYYY MOMMY, I AM DOOOOOOOOO-OOOOONNNEEEE...."

::shudder::

[mp]

Applauding your epiphany, Melissa! Let's hear it for independence! I think the ease of said independence varies by kid, however. My oldest is almost 9 and is more than happy to do for himself. He's a pleaser, I suppose. He fries his own egg in the morning, gets himself dressed, and generally does as asked. But my 6 yr old? LAZY! It can take her HOURS to clean up her (very small) room, which usually is accompanied by my having to get angry at her lack of motivation. Tears are always involved (I won't say whose). She'll whine for me to "help" her the whole time. And by help, of course, she means for me to do it all. We're locked in a battle of wills.

What is next in my own personal independence push? having the kids turn their own laundry inside out. Nearly every piece of clothing that I wash is inside out, and I always flip them around so the shirts, etc. are right side out as I'm folding. This makes me nuts and takes quite a bit of time. I'm about ready to do as my sister does and just return the (folded) clothes as I get them: if you put them in the laundry outside in, that's how they'll go back to you and YOU, child, must be the one to correct it. Silly rant, but aren't they all?

[melissa]

@KB OMG I totally remember that one and that one went on for a ludicrously long time. I never felt more like cinderella in my life.

[melissa]

@MP That's Logan's big ran with socks in the laundry. Drives him bananas.

@everyone I made a vet appt for Lucy in the morning. Something just doesn't seem right with her.

[Amy]

I did the first session of Mondo Beyondo. It is GREAT!

[Allisone]

I am signed up for this session of Mondo Beyondo too. I am opening up to the possibility that it can be exactly what you and I both need.

I look forward to being able to come back to you and giggle about how exactly right we were.

[Tracey]

Ah yes, I remember coming to this realization with my step-daughter. You know what? You can gather the trash/make your bed/bring down your dirty laundry! Liberating, isn't it?

[Heather]

You'll love MB! And yes, I think 3 is the tipping point---my 2.5yo can load the dishwasher and sweep the floor. I make my 5yo get everyone's drinks--well not all the time, but I totally outsource to my minions err kids.

[serafina]

Well, you've got the title of your parenting opus right there: "Thank You! I Am A Parenting Genius!" by Melissa Summers, Book Jacket Photo and Design by Pants. I'd buy a copy! :)

[erin]

I have started having my 18 month old take his plate into the kitchen. I want to start early with his training!

[Vanessa]

My daughter does the same thing as Max, only with water instead of milk. She has me trained so that when I bring her a salty snack, like popcorn, I automatically bring a glass of water also, to head off the inevitable request that will come two minutes later. And she's 11 and a half, so there's no excuse either for her expecting this level of service or for me delivering it. I suck.

[Belinda Gomez]

I can think of better things to do with a hundred bucks. I sincerely doubt these women know anything you don't.

You've got thousands of readers, a nice family, and enough food.

[Sue]

I just did the Mondo Beyondo class last session. You were on my list to write as a person who has inspired you a bit and ask how you got started...but that is a lesson that I did not finish!

Enjoy the class!

[nwnonna]

Oh Melissa, I do feel for you regarding your brother. My brother decided 3 years ago that I had wronged him and we have been estranged ever since. It sucks! I miss him so much but realize that it will never be the same and that I have to accept what it is. I so hope that your sib issue is resolved with love, grace and forgiveness.
You so deserve a smoother May.

[Tara]

Hydrogen Peroxide + Pet Stains = Happy. (Well, as happy as you can be having just cleaned up dog pee, cat puke, poop of all sorts, etc.) It does not stain and breaks down the proteins in bodily fluids so there is no stain or smell left. A vet told me about it years ago and it's never let me down!

[Sunshine]

My (rescue) dog has also lost her mind and is now afraid of grass. GRASS! Which means she spends the day sitting on the concrete of our back patio whining to get in the house all day. And I can't let her in the house because she pees on the floor now. Which she didn't do three days ago when she wasn't afraid of grass.

We called the vet who laughed at us and basically wished us luck with our neurotic dog.

So yeah. I spent last night crying about my stupid dog that I finally agreed to, fell in love with, and now is being ridiculous.

[Melissa Summers]

@Belinda, charming.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Tracy]

I thought your epiphany was going to be that you could get Max's milk before he sits down to eat. And in hindsight, that would have been really lame. Yours was so much better.

Also, I second (third?) the suggestion that Lucy may have a UTI. Our dogs contracted UTIs soon after we brought them home, and our vet said it's actually fairly common after moving into a new home.

[Ariel]

Melissa- will you let us (me?) know how you like Mondo Beyondo? I need an injection of.. something.. :)

[kate]

So relating to all of this!

My brother stopped speaking to me about 6 months ago and I hate it.

My dog peed on my suitcase AFTER it was all nicely packed for my Moms Gone Wild weekend. F*cker.

And I recently had the same epiphany (ok, ok, her daddies "enlightened" me) about my own 9yo being able to get her own damn water.

I have no idea what Mondo Beyondo is, but I'm starting Pilates because I'm sick to death of my fat stomach.

It's nice to know we're not alone in any of this.

[pooky8]

Woo hoo! I got my 4 year old to start the dishwasher this morning...he even grabbed the "blue thing" and put it in the soap dispenser all by himself while I made his sisters' lunches. It was a beautiful and proud moment.

Hang in there. May will be better and warmer and sunnier. I think a lot of us could use some brighter days ahead!

[Juliet]

Sucks your like sucks right now...
But I'm sorry..."I feel like a waitress about to get a smoke break.." classic, hysterical, love it.
I can so relate!

[Candie]

When I am getting dinner, I am always reminded of the scene in "The Christmas Story" when every time the Mom goes to put food in her mouth someone asks for something else...My pet peeve of the month is having to ask my 8 yr old son every am. if he has clean underwear on and EVERY am he has to return to his room to change...and I suspect that sometimes he is just throwing a clean pair in the wash and keeping on the dirty pair. WHY?

[Catherine]

I don't think that was a lame epiphany. My most helpful recent epiphany has been that I don't have to fight with my 8 year old son over his completing his homework. If he doesn't want to sit down and work on it with me, he can do it by himself later OR turn it in incomplete. He knows that incomplete homework will embarrass him. It has made homework time a lot less stressful for us (well, me at least). I am also so sorry to hear about your brother. It's clear from your earlier posts that you value your relationship with him and your SIL. Hope things get better. Post more about Lucy's recent behavior changes, and I bet you will get some useful advice (and commiseration, if nothing else). There is often a logical reason for the change and if it can be pinpointed, the behaviors can be adjusted. Hugs!!!

[Bianca]

That epiphany is the best. We had it with glasses of water last year with my step kids. (My daughter already did it even though she was young, not thanks to me, but thanks to her grandma) We finally figured out HEY, THEY CAN GET THEIR OWN WATER!!! And now they do- every single time. Better yet, whenever the first kid gets their water, they ask the rest of the table if "anyone else would like a glass". Praise Jesus. I taught my nine year old how to use a electric kettle so she can make her own instant oatmeal. We finally got all the kids on board with getting in and out of the shower on their own while negotiating the tricky faucet temperature issues... It's a whole new world for these 8,9, 10 year olds.

We live near a street with lots of stores, and last week I had them pick up some parsley at the corner store and get my dry cleaning. They think it's "fun". I think it saves me a trip to the dry cleaners.

[Katy]

There's a Calvin & Hobbes strip where Calvin is hungry & his Mom gives him a map. To. The. Kitchen.

That was my personal epiphany. Calvin & Hobbes.

I suck.

But my kids - they are Really Good Cooks!

[Christine]

Melissa, I had to come to this lame realization myself. We just get into the groove of "doing" and just keep "doing." Creatures of habit, we! ~CMN

[Coury]

I love this post, Best. Epiphany. Ever. Each of my kids has one chore per year of age. Every time they say they are bored, I point to their chore list. oddly enough, my kids still looked shocked when I tell them to get their own milk/backpack/shoes/stuffed animal. Like I have never told them before that it was possible to do it themselves.