Less Navel Gazing, More Doing.

It's been difficult to write on this website. 

I've been doing a lot of things, feeling a lot of things and dealing with a bunch of things that I either can't write about or I really shouldn't write about or I don't want to write about or that no one wants to hear about. 

So let's start with the things you don't want to hear about: Gary the cat is still sick. Aside from urinating in the house he is also throwing up more than I think is normal. My dog is adorable but a lunatic. She stares at people with her head cocked to the side and her ears perked up, but if you look back or make any move like you may touch her she growls and lunges. So, I'm dealing with a ticking time bomb. It's times like this I wish we'd gotten a puppy we could have socialized the hell out of because this is really awful. For everyone. 

I've been spending a lot of time working on my resume and collecting writing samples. It feels good to look back at the last five years and have something to show for it. I've also been applying for a few positions which is thrilling and terrifying. I'm in the middle of a crossroads of sorts. Luckily Logan works with a great lady, Jackie Trepanier, who's leaving her job to start her own business as a Career Coach.

Little did she know when we sat down for our first meeting I would start things off with a few barely held back tears. I feel a little lost is what I said in a few longer strings of words. Typically I'd explain to you how lost I am, why I feel that way, what I think my options are, but I really shouldn't. Or rather I don't want to, not yet anyway. 

The relationships in my life are also weighing on my mind heavily. I can't believe how difficult I find relationships to navigate. It makes me wonder how I've managed to stay in a relationship and in love with Logan for the last 17 years. Or rather, how he's been able to stay married and in love with me. 

Sometimes I think we're too open with each other, that maybe saying everything you think and feel is too hard to make a marriage work. But then we find our way through a rough patch and I think the only way we do that is to say what's going on. 

But it doesn't seem like that works with most other relationships and so I'm kind of lost in that realm of my life as well. 

Here's something that will throw you for a loop! You know, more than my continued navel gazing introspection. The last day of school is Friday and I am....excited about it! 

I realize I will be like all the other parents in the world about 2-3 weeks from now wishing we had year round school with several 2-3 week vacations scattered throughout the year. But for now, I'm looking forward to doing more stuff with the kids and having a more structured routine. I've been struggling with my lack of time management skills, I'm hoping having to entertain the kids will put some focus back in my daily routine.

And hopefully stop me from staring down at my toes wondering how I'm going to do this whole thing differently.