Nothing says "I'm sorry" like calling an ambulance.

This summer I've started riding my bike to pick up the car from Logan's office. I attach Lucy to the side and off we go for a leisurely 1.5 mile ride up to the office where I load my bike into the car, drive home and start the day with the kids. 

It's been a pleasant way to start the day and make sure Lucy is tired out and stays out of trouble, mostly. She's become obsessed with my unmentionables and this is a distressing, and expensive, turn of events. It feels a little Single White Female. 

We like to drop our rent check at our landlord's house. I know there are things called stamps and a little service called the US Post Office but we choose not to use it because THAT'S A SOCIALIST ESTABLISHMENT and we love our country. 

I didn't really need the car that day, so Lucy and I were going to skip our bike ride and just go for a walk. Instead I decided to ride my bike with Lucy over to the landlord's house to drop off our check. 

I'm pretty careful about my bike routes. I avoid traffic and ride on the sidewalk. I go at a pretty slow pace, not much faster than a slow jog so I can watch for danger and/or other dogs. My friends often ask me to go out for rides with them and I have to decline, my bike is old, has no gears, it's pretty heavy and it goes slow. (I just untyped a joke about it being "Just like me!" it was a little Joy Behar.)

Getting to the landlords house involved a small amount of danger on a route not many pedestrians frequent. I stayed off the main road until I couldn't avoid it any more. 

All was well for about 40 feet.

I came up to the exit of a gym came to almost a complete stop because a woman had stopped at the stop sign waiting to exit when traffic cleared. She looked at me, or I thought she did because she, you know, looked at me. I started to go because pedestrians have the right of way. They count as "traffic" actually.

As soon as I started to go she did too. I yelled, "HEY HEY NO NO NO" and kicked at her (very nice Mercedes) with my foot trying to get her to stop. 

It's a surreal feeling being knocked off your bike with a car. 

I'm not mad at that lady for hitting me with her car, for coming way too close to injuring me and my dog, for being careless in a way that would impact a whole lot of people in my life. No, I know that's a risk when you ride a bike in a region known as "The Motor City".

What I'm mad about is how she treated me after she knocked me into the middle of a very busy road, breaking my bike and crushing my skittish and insecure dog underneath it...with her car.

She got out of her car right away and started yelling at me not to move. I had landed on my hands and was sitting upright, Lucy was struggling to get out from under the weight of me and the bike. I tried to lift my body up so Lucy could get out from under the bike. 

And the woman kept telling me "DON'T MOVE! DON'T MOVE!"

So I thought, Okay, I must be bleeding somewhere I don't see because she is freaking out. Remember I was moving from a stop and so was she. In essence I fell off my bike...because of a car...but still. So I touch my head look at my arms, at my legs....nothing. But she keeps yelling at me not to move. 

I finally say, "Okay but I really need to get my dog out from under my bike and make sure she's okay."

She tries to get Lucy detached from the leash but can't figure out how it works and as I try to help her she keeps saying, "DON'T MOVE I DON'T WANT YOU TO MOVE!!!!"

...okay...but I'm sitting here in the middle of a busy road...are you trying to finish us off? 

We get Lucy detached and as I try to touch her she jumps away from me, scared, but now I'm convinced she's hurt, a broken leg? Rib? And I know she's "just a dog" and all those people watching this scene probably thought me totally nuts. But the adrenaline kicked in and I started to cry and panic a little. 

But this lady doesn't want me to move. I'm sitting in the road and she asks if I want an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance, I tell her, but I need to make sure my dog is okay. Again she tells me not to move. 

Soon the bystanders start to ask if I need help to move out of the road. I say, "No, but this woman is terrified of me moving." 

She starts to tell everyone standing around, "I offered her an ambulance...she doesn't want one." 

Over and over and over and over. As though by saying this it doesn't matter that she just knocked me off my bike with her car. She's absolved! Have a nice day! 

Never once does she ask if I'm okay. Never once did she say "I'm sorry." 

Her concern seems to begin and end with me laying in the road not moving and whether or not she offered to call an ambulance. Calling an ambulance is very difficult you realize, she really put herself out there.

Suddenly it occurs to me, Lady? You aren't in charge of me. So I move to the sidewalk and get Lucy untangled from her harness and quickly realize she's okay probably just shaken up like me. 

Having never been hit by a car I don't really know what to do next. And no one is doing anything but standing there looking at me. Someone from the gym has come out to see what's happened and she also stands there looking at me as I sit on the ground, sort of crying.

Over and over and over the woman keeps saying, "Well I offered to call her an ambulance."

I want to punch her in the mouth at this point. So I call Logan at his office hoping to get someone to this scene who knows what to do. I'm calling his phones and, as usual, he doesn't answer. I joke that Logan is seretly the janitor at his office since he's NEVER at his desk when I call. I call a coworker's number...but he doesn't answer either. 

I say to the Gym lady and the Don't Move Lady, "Should we call the police?"

But they both say no, no...you'll just need to file a report at the station....

And you know? What the holy Hell Melissa? YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THESE WOMEN. I don't know why I did. Weak or easily bossed around are not words anyone in my life would use to describe me. If anything you'd probably hear "A little hot under the collar" "Doesn't take shit." "Can be kind of a bitch."

And yet, I didn't call the police. 

I'm still on the phone and the whole time there's a running commentary from Don't Move Lady about how she offered to call an ambulance. She offered! HOLY HELL SHE OFFERED!!!!

Finally, the anger is rising in my voice and I say, "Look, I appreciate that you're a little shaken up that you've hit me with your car."

She interrupts, "I know you're angry with me."

I say, "I'm not angry because you hit me and my dog with your car. I'm angry because you won't stop talking about how you offered to call an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance it's great that you offered to call one but I don't need one. What i need right now is to know what I'm supposed to do now. I could use some help and you telling me you offered to call me an ambulance is not helping."

She stares at me, not saying anything so I say, "What would help me now is if you left. Leave me your name and number and just go."

She turns to Gym Lady and says, 'Okay, I'll go but I want you to be my witness that I OFFERED TO CALL HER AN AMBULANCE."

I don't need an ambulance. I need someone to fix my bike, I need someone to find my husband, I need a way to get home, I need someone to tell me my dog isn't bleeding internally.

We exchange names and numbers and she leaves.

I call the front desk at Logan's office and send someone to the meeting rooms to locate him. To keep the receptionist from being annoyed I may have told her I'd been hit by a car and needed to find my husband. Which was in essence true but made it sound like I'd been sprung across a car like a rag doll. 

Additionally Logan's a robot, if you want him to react you better make it sound good. You never know he may have a story about how he was hit by a car and got right back up and ran a marathon. 

So I get home, I call the vet, Lucy's fine. She spends a lot of the day hiding under the couch like she does when the kids argue. 

I'm fine too, just a little sore. The day after the bruises start to appear but even those aren't that bad. The thing that surprised me is how sore my biceps were. 

I'm sure it was from the adrenaline I felt through my body after it all happened. But I like to think it was from me resisting the very strong urge to punch Don't Move Lady.

Later in the day I file a police report, Logan calls Don't Move to make sure she gave me a real number. She doesn't answer. I trace her address via White Pages reverse phone look up. The listing has a different name attached to it. I'm concerned. 

Gym Lady calls to see how we're doing. I tell her we're fine, just a little sore. 

Nothing from Don't Move. 

I leave her another message giving her my police report number, asking her to verify her address and letting her know that my bike repair guy is seeing if he can repair my vintage bike. Oh, and by the way Lucy and I are okay. 

Nothing from Don't Move.

I leave another message letting her know that if I don't hear from her I'll have to approach this situation as a Hit and Run because I have no idea if this is her number. Please let me know if you have received these messages. 

She finally calls back and leaves a message. Telling me that she got our messages, to let her know what the bike repair shop says. And that she's glad everyone is okay.

If you ever hit someone with your car, promise me you'll say "I'm sorry"...a bunch of times. And treat the person you've hit with kindness. It's possible I could have sued her, I assume that's why she was so awful in the aftermath of the scene. 

Here's the thing, no one has ever been sued more for being kind.

Comments

[Lynn C]

Annoying as it is, the first thing your car insurance agent will tell you is NEVER ever say you're sorry in an accident. No matter if you're at fault; especially if you're at fault. It's an admission of guilt, and therefore you've just lost any court case that could possibly be brought up against you.

On the other hand, asking if you're ok is perfectly fine. Helping out is extremely nice.

[Jamie]

OK seriously that is horrible. I'm so sorry. What a hag...glad you and Lucy are OK!

[Lori]

I was going to say the same as Lynn, that the very first thing I learned from my very first car accident was never to say "I'm sorry". Admits guilt, etc etc. That said, since I've been in a few more accidents, I've also learned to start each exchange with "Are you okay?" It's a genuine, human thing to do. I'm glad you are (mostly) okay.

[Jacquie]

Glad that you and Lucy are okay! I was once hit by a car as a pedestrian and the guy who hit me was totally and completely nice but everyone told him not to apologize to me because I guess if I chose to take it to court (which I did not--I was fine) they seemed to think I could use the apology as an admission of guilt. Weird world that we live in where apologies can be so hard to come by.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh god, I'm so sorry this happened to you. What a whoreface bitch! And I completely understand the way you freeze when something like this happens to you -- the first car accident I ever had, I got out of the car and started saying "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" and GET THIS: IT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT. But because I'd said I was sorry so many times, the (probably drunk, definitely not paying attention) guy who REAR ENDED ME spun it around so it was my fault and because I was so shaken up and the cops didn't come for a while, I totally believed him.

A few months after that, these guys, high as kites in a pick-up rear ended me at a stop sign; instead of calling the police like I should have done (Sean was out of town), I called THIS RANDOM GUY FROM MY OFFICE who had no clue what to do either. Your brain just freezes when faced with traumatic events like this. I hope that nasty lady gets what was coming to her, I hope Lucy is okay, I hope your bike gets fixed, and I hope your bruises heal.

[duchessbelle]

So glad you and Lucy are ok! Shaken and worried about lawsuits or no, Don't Move sounds awful. Not really pertinent to the story but my dog is obsessed with my undies as well. Do not understand.

[Oana]

Apologizing is a funny thing, legally. It certainly depends on where you live. In BC, Canada, we have a nice little law called The Apology Act, which says an apology is not an admission of liability: http://www.bclaws.ca/EPLibraries/bclaws_new/document/ID/freeside/00_06019_01.
Those Canadians, they even legislate being nice to each other =)
Sorry to hear about your accident!

[Melissa Summers]

Well that's dumb since she just hit me.

[Michelle]

Glad you and Lucy both are ok, sorry that it was such a traumatic situation (and just so you know my sorry isn't an admission of guilt, you know because I wasn't even there and all.)

I totally would have called the cops to the scene.

[Megan (Best of Fates)]

Okay, that lady was dreadful! And I know what you mean - I absolutely hate people who are like, "never say sorry, that's an admission of liability!" Both times I've hit someone (though luckily they were also in cars!) I apologized, because that's what you do! And the one time someone hit me and said he was sorry I went out of my way to make it easier for them. 'Cause that's what you do once you've established a basis of kindness with another person.
I hope you and Lucy have overcome the trauma!

[Katherine]

Melissa, I AM SO SORRY this happened to you (and Lucy!) I was hit by a car two years ago and was afraid, for a long time, that the driver would act like this. (The couple was very nice actually, even though I totaled their car with my body, and said they were sorry. No one would let me move either, which was frustrating, because I needed to see what was going on around me.)

And yet! I can't believe the woman who HIT YOU with HER CAR didn't apologize and acted like the victim.

UGH. :(

[Evelyn]

So sorry this happened to you and Lucy! And I just cannot believe the total lack of concern from Little Miss Don't Move! Good grief! Anyway, glad to hear that you both are doing well. Take care.

Evelyn

PS: Lucy isn't "just a dog." She's a member of your family. I cannot stand people with the just-a-dog/cat attitude!

[Sunshine]

I work as a claims adjuster. I have heard "I just wish he/she would have apologized" more times than I care to count or think about. Kindness is never inappropriate. Those that sue would usually do it whether there is an apology or not. I have never seen an apology make something worse.

Glad you and Lucy are OK.

[Kristin]

No kidding, think of all the time and money we would save if everyone who was at fault in an accident, actually admitted that they were at fault.

[ella]

Holy Crap!!!
I'm so glad you and Lucy are ok.
If I had hit you I would have called the police. Good grief! People are stupid.

Once a few years ago on my way to work one drizzly morning, I saw a young woman riding her vintage bike to work. She was crossing the street and I stopped because she had the ROW and I had a stop sign. The car coming in the opposite direction only slowed down and started to turn right in front of the lady. They didn't hit her but I think she panicked, slipped and down she went in the street. In the middle of a wet, moderately busy, intersection. I gasped and cringed as I watched all the cars drive AROUND her! I pulled over and asked if I could help, give her a ride to work or call someone. I think she was a little embarrassed because she had fallen but I was worried that she had hurt herself. (She kept holding her wrist.) I really felt bad. I didn't want to leave her there but I did.
When I got in my car and drove away I cried.
It made me so MAD that not one single person stopped. They drove AROUND this poor lady laying in the street.

[Melissa too]

So sorry this happened to you. Glad you and the pup are okay. Hope the soreness leaves your body soon.

[Danielle]

I recently rear-ended two women in a minivan going about 10 mph. I jumped out of my car and the first thing I said was, "I'm SO sorry, are you OK?" I was obviously at fault and I admitted it. And then I turned it over to the insurance company to handle, because that's why I pay them. We're human beings before we become insurance claims.

[methodpam]

So glad that you and Lucy are okay.

[KateyJ]

The least she could have done was look and sound shocked and say, "Oh my god, are you okay?!?"

Yanno, just in case she's all litigious and doesn't want to apologize, even though apology is not an admission of fault, it could just be empathy. But some people don't have that.

So I will say it, "Oh my god, are you okay?!? I'm so sorry!"

Some people...

[Melissa Summers]

Now I want to sue her because she didn't say sorry.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Mrs. Martin]

Wow, you actually made me laugh and get angry at the same time. That's talent! Hope you find the bitch and make her pay!

[kim]

i would want to sue her for not saying she was sorry too.

[Michele]

Hey - I'm sorry this happened to you, and that the driver was so inconsiderate. I've been hit by a car on my bike several times, in a crosswalk, crossing with the light, on a bike path, and a bike-bike collision on a bike path (so not on dangerous routes! and riding purdently). It sucks, but everyone I know who rides has been in some kind of accident.

Also, in almost every state, when you're on a bike, you are aren't a pedestrian, you are a vehicle.

I hope you will rethink your no-helmet policy after this... b/c the reason to wear a helmet is to protect your head when a car hits you while you are riding slowly and safely on the sidewalk, and you are pushed over and hit your head on the sidewalk. I fractured my skull that way. And the same fall over, hit head on cement happens in bike-person, bike-dog, bike-bike, bike-skater collisions. No matter how careful YOU are, you can't control the other ppl, pedestrians, skateboarders, other bikers, and even cars.

[krys72599]

She was telling you not to move so if you were hurt you wouldn't hurt yourself MORE by moving, and in turn, sue her more (as if there are levels of suing!). And the bit about "I OFFERED to call an ambulance" was solely and completely about making herself feel better.
The bottom line?
SHE hit YOU. SHE made YOU fall off your bike. SHE may have hurt YOU and possibly LUCY.
It wasn't ABOUT her.
So glad you and Lucy are pretty much okay - bruises will fade and that nervous, shook up feeling will go away.
Hope you're back to biking yourself and Lucy soon!

[Jennifer]

Glad that you and Lucy are okay. Laughed out loud about Logan "...about how he was hit by a car and got right back up and ran a marathon."

[Christine]

I'm glad you're okay. I don't know about where you live, but in some states, "I'm sorry" counts as an admission of fault and yes while she was most likely at fault in this situation as you had the right of way, I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't the first accident she's caused and she's been coached, hence the "Can I get you an ambulance" and no "I'm sorry."

That said, for the love of Pete, an "Oh my goodness are you okay? Can I help you at all?" said with sincerity can go a long way, you know?

I hope Lucy is getting back some spunk, poor girl.

[Christine]

OH and next time, ask to see the insurance card and driver's license, in any auto accident where the cops aren't called out.

[Cara]

You know, until about half way through the story I thought she was just panicking and couldn't get past the possibility you were severely hurt. But, she lost any credibility about half way through, and earned my incredulous outrage when she asked for a witness that she'd offered to call an ambulance. (WTF?) In my state, you would have had to call the police, but offering to call an ambulance wouldn't have made any difference at all.

[Lauren]

That woman was a major jackass.

However, for your safety and potential liability, I have to second a previous comment that in most states you are only a pedestrian if you are walking your bike.

Also, riding your bike on the sidewalk can be dangerous, and so, is often illegal as well.

I realize this may sound like blaming the victim, but in a serious accident it doesn't matter who was "right" but who is safe or alive in the end.

Defensive biking, like driving, is the only way to go.

Please wear a helmet, especially if you will be anywhere near cars! There is no accounting for idiots.

[Emily]

Ugh, I hate people. I am so sorry this happened and glad you are both okay!

[Kate]

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you sue her fucking pants off. For being rude.

[Melissa Summers]

I think stopping before going counts as being defensive.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Sandee]

{{{{Melissa and Lucy}}}}

[watercolor]

How scary!!!! I'm so sorry this happened to you! And I hope you and Lucy heal up and the bike is all fixed.

It sounds like she was probably pretty shook up herself and was clinging to what she remembered about being in accidents.

I swear I almost remember something about the ambulance thing.... About an accident victim refusing to do anything about an accident then dying later from unknown internal injuries and the family sued?? I know when I twisted my ankle at a city festival they insisted on taking me to the hospital in an ambulance. Said it was required by their insurance. Was stupid. I think they are the ones who told me about suits about not having ambulances on sites of accidents triggering law suits???? IDK But something about that triggers a memory....

[AGeekyMom]

Many years ago, a friend of ours was waiting for his car at Jax car wash in B'ham. An employee hit him with someone else's car and knocked him down, trashing his briefcase and tearing his suit. Another employee came running up to him yelling "Stay down! Stay down! You'll own the place!"
I'm guessing that's not what "Don't move" lady had in mind!
Glad to hear that you and Lucy are OK!

[Lori]

People are unbelievable. This seriously makes me sad for the state of mankind. So glad that you and Lucy are OK.

[s]

First, I am so sorry for your accident and glad that you and your dog are ok. Second, that woman behaved horribly - people are so worried about litigation they don't remember to be kind. Third, bicyclists are NOT pedestrians unless you are actually walking your bike - bicycles in most states are considered vehicles and the same rules apply as cars, so a car exiting a parking lot should NOT pull out in front of a bicyclist on a main road, but I don't know the ins/outs of the law. Bicyclelaw.com does though and could help if you need assistance - damage to your bike should be covered as well as vet bills for your dog.

[Laura]

People are assholes, especially if they think it will cost them money.

I am glad you and your dog are okay.

[Kathy from NJ]

Forty-five years ago I hit a young boy (on the street where I lived) - I had just turned into my street and was going less than 10 MPH; he ran backwards into the street and my car. I was traumatized, he was fine but my father insisted that we report it to the insurance company and that we take the boy to the doctor. He was fine, the insurance company gave him $100 so his mother would sign a release, she used it to buy him a bike, he fell off the bike and broke his leg.

[April G.]

Jesus. I'm getting a sympathetic adrenaline surge just reading that! I'm glad you and Lucy are okay! What a crazy lady. I have gotten in two fender-benders, and both times the first thing out of my mouth was "are you okay?" Honestly! Is she even human?

[adequatemom]

What a scary story. So glad you're okay!

[Eva]

Suing because she didn't say sorry could backfire, as I'm sure you know.

I don't understand why you didn't want the ambulance.

[Jen]

Holy Crap Melissa!

I'm glad you're OK, and I hope you get a new bike out of this mess. Or a new iphone.

[Becky H]

I can only imagine how scary this must have been. I'm glad you and Lucy are O.K. and sorry you were hit by a mean woman. I actually got the Walky Dog leash for my bike after reading about it on your blog! I live in Boulder, where there are many cyclists and the road and, unfortunately, many car vs. biker incidences. I don't know what the laws are in Michigan but here a cyclist is not a pedestrian and does not have the right of way. Also, if riding on a sidewalk you are supposed to dismount and walk your bike across intersections or any other area where you are encountering traffic such as exits and entrances to parking lots. If you are riding in the street then you are a vehicle and must act as a vehicle. I usually don't wear my helmet when riding but after reading this I think I will be better about that. Be safe everyone.

[Alice]

So glad that you & Lucy are both (in the main) unhurt! Accidents are terrifying. I'm personally of the school of thought that saying 'I'm sorry' when you're obviously the one at fault is just the thing to do. It's not going to make anything worse when things are so obviously slanted! We can all get flummoxed in these situations, but it's really a shame that she seems to have had a hard time pulling together any compassion throughout it all.

And Kathy from NJ, that story is hilarious.

[Ginny]

My daughter was riding her bike when she was hit and run over by a 16-year-old boy driving a pickup truck. He broke both of her legs pretty badly and she was a long time healing. She had been riding against traffic on the shoulder of the road and was stopped at an intersection. He turned right, while looking left, and ran her over. I assumed he would be at fault but nope! Because she was on a bike she was considered to be a vehicle - just like him (seriously bike vs truck?) and was ticketed for driving on the wrong side of the road. In addition, we had to pay for the damage to his bumper. Just sayin - be sure you were in the right before you pursue anything because legally you might not be. Glad you and Lucy are Ok.

[Melissa Summers]

@Eva I was being sarcastic. There are no laws requiring an apology...at least not in my state.

I didn't want an ambulance because I wasn't hurt. She was going less than 5 mph. So was I.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Melissa Summers]

I'm not pursuing anything. But the police man did say she was clearly at fault and she will replace my bike.

Didn't I say this in the post?

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.