Eminem quoted the guy I share a bed with.

You may remember that Logan changed jobs in December and about 5 days in we started on an insane roller coaster of late nights, cancelled parties, non existent weekends as a family and even less existent family dinners, tears and frustration. 

I knew this job was going to be more intense than Logan was used to because it's a new business. But I figured I'd be taking the trash out, doing the snow shoveling and serving dinner closer to 7 rather than 5:30. I did not, could not, foresee the intense dread I felt every evening at 5pm when Logan would inevitably call to say, "Not coming home."

At one point I may have suggested Logan get a hotel near the office so we could just pretend he wasn't coming home until this project was finished. It was awful.

Luckily for my twitter and Facebook friends (I can whine...oooh boy can I whine) now that the project is done, things have been much more like I expected them to be. As a bonus, Logan is happy to go to work again and this is something that makes our lives so much better.

But to the point, the thing Logan was working on in that time was the catalog for the new Chrysler 200. Logan asked me to be sure to point out that the catalogs are a team effort. Logan obviously came in toward the end of the project so the 200 catalog is not "his"...it's the agency's success. And it's lovely. (Though I admit I may have hissed at it when he first brought it home, I was still working through my bitterness.)

On Sunday we were watching the Superbowl, and you all saw the 200 commercial and it was pretty good. And you know that part toward the end? Where Eminem says, "This is the Motor City, and this is what we do."?

Logan goes, "Whoa...I wrote that line!" And he pulls out his catalog and holy crap there it is!

Dude has run several marathons, a few 200 mile bike rides, does triathlons....and I'm kind of....not so into it.
He writes a sentence that captures the feel of what is going on in this city, what we're proud of, and my panties fly off. 

I'm really proud is what I'm saying. 

Additionally, the commercial has got me thinking and I think I finally realized why I don't fit here. 

The collective "narrative" of this area was reflected in this ad, they captured it perfectly. 

"The hottest fires that make the hardest steel."
"Hard work, conviction..."

The story of this area has always been this idea that you endure, you survive, you fight your way back....it's in everything...the story of the city's collapse, the auto industry's failure, the housing crisis...even our weather. I don't live in Detroit, I live 10 miles away, but this narrative is true for this entire region.  

And what I realized?
I don't like to survive. I don't like to endure. I don't like to fight (though I'm up for a good argument any day of the week!). 

Maybe because I clawed my way through my childhood.
But all I know is I prefer easy. 

Have you ever felt like you don't fit where you are? Like your personal narrative isn't reflected in the culture where you live? 

Comments

[Deidre]

I grew up in northern New Hampshire and I feel a strong connection to there. However, I spent the next 4.5 years living in Mass and Colorado and I never felt at home or like I fit in at all.

I moved all the way to Australia precisely because I felt this strange personal connection to the country. It feels like home...I can't explain it.

[Lora]

I have spent most of my life feeling like I don't fit in where I live. We just recently moved (again - hubby's job) and I'm hoping maybe this place will finally feel "right".

[Lora]

I have spent most of my life feeling like I don't fit in where I live. We just recently moved (again - hubby's job) and I'm hoping maybe this place will finally feel "right".

[Lena]

Oh boy, do I ever get it. Two words: Orange. County.

I said to a friend just this morning about the years I spent there, "It was like I was in the fetal position emotionally for three years". It was almost the exact opposite of what you're describing in Detroit. Everyone hides their struggle, their surviving, behind a mask of ease. And whoever lets that mask of privilege slip is rejected.

Recognizing that you don't fit in is sort of liberating though, no?

[Mary]

yup. I never felt such a sense of relief as I did when I moved back to the midwest (Chicago) after living in Atlanta for almost 10 years. It was beautiful there, but I never felt right and I didn't even realize how "not right" I felt til I moved here. It was everything - the food, the culture, the politics (I'm quite liberal, they are mostly quite the opposite), etc etc etc. Even the way people dress there - women tend to lean toward the artificially blond spectrum and (at least the people I knew) tended toward the show pony look, whereas I am happy in a fleece. Perfect for Chicago. : ) We're frumpy.

[Mrs. Fun]

Oh that is awesome. I loved that commercial.

I rarely fit in...ever. It's a personal struggle of mine. The PTA, the neighbors, the other moms....

[Melissa Summers]

That's how I felt in my hometown (a few miles north).

Logan got an offer to move to LA and I said NO WAY IN HELL.

[Anonymous]

You could just repost Mary's comment for me. I was born in Schaumburg but grew up in Atlanta. I moved to Chicago after graduating college and felt at home for the first time in my adult life.

[Pants]

That offer to move to LA was the shittiest job offer in the world. No raise, no moving costs, no housing allowance, no nothing. Michigan to LA with no incentive...

[Melissa Summers]

Maybe that's probably more of my current problem, @mrsfun.

I am really really really struggling with almost every relationship in my life except the ones with Logan and my kids. I inevitably offend someone, am offended, find a characteristic intolerable for me personally (like a friend who is obsessively dieting)....it seems the only way I'll keep friends is to have very superficial relationships?

[Melissa Summers]

I feel like I'd like Chicago. When we visit it feels right. I understand it. I can navigate the city, the pace feels right....But it's so damn cold.

[Melissa Summers]

Except fake boobs and 10xs the cost of living! WOOOOOOO! Thanks OLD WORK.

[Anna]

That was an incredible commercial/presentation. And HOLY CRAP, how cool is that about that line?!?!?!?!

I never felt like I fit in where I grew up... even though it was a blue-collar, middle class kind of a place. I feel WAY more connected where I live now, but it's taken 12+ years to get there.

[Beth]

I spent a long time living near Dallas. The first time I visited Portland, I knew I was going to move here and never go back. It's been 9 years.

[Heather/Cobblestone]

@ Mary - sing it woman! Replace Atlanta with Athens GA and we've got the same story. I came down here (as many Illinoisans do - I think ATL gives us a false sense of hope) and moved back but still wanted my man who wouldn't move. I'm back in GA and longing for Chicago all the time (yes, in the snow, yes, in the freezing, YES).

I miss that city all the time.

[Grace]

Do I ever! We are currently living in the Northern Virginia suburbs, and if there is any place less "me" than this one, I'd hate to see it. The bland, soulless, faceless, joylessness of this area depresses me every day.

[Mary_Flashlight]

Yeah, I felt like that the entire time I was growing up. I still feel like that when I visit my hometown (the rest of the family still lives there). I feel hemmed in, and like I have to hide behind a mask so I don't upset too many people.

Yeah, I prefer easy too, for many of the same reasons you do. I feel like I paid my dues for a LONG time before I got to be a functioning member of society. I like where we live now - while it's not as liberal as I am, I'm not sure any real place actually is, but I love the ease of getting to anything, the neighborhoods, the schools, the different people... and especially the ability to NOT be involved in everyone else's lives.

[EmJay]

I have lived in a variety of places as an adult...New York City, Boston, Chicago,Kalamazoo, Philadephia, Colorado Springs, a few small towns in Arizona including an Indian Reservation and now a suburb of Kansas City. I grew up in a far suburb (more more rural than urban) of St. Louis. I always knew I was a midwesterner regardless of where I went. I knew pretty quickly that the east coast was not for me. I tried really hard to fit in with the "westerner" vibe in Colorado and Arizona. I really wanted to fit, but it just didn't work. I'm a midwesterner. Your post has given me more to think about though, because I think there are different flavors. My story right now is that I'm raising my kids in pretty much a duplication of what I grew up in. The story is different for my husband who grew up in a very small town. That might explain a few things...hmmm...THANKS.

[Sara]

I went to grad school in Chapel Hill, NC and for years that's been my answer to the "the best place I've ever lived is..." question. But seeing that commercial made me just as homesick for Detroit, and I only lived there for 2yrs.

I'm in Austin now and it's just not a good fit. Something about this city is just too perfect that it puts me on edge. I'm all for keeping it weird, but so far the weird has been hard to find.

[Carrie]

Wow, who knew there were so many Illinoisans-turned-Atlantans around? I just moved from Champaign to ATL last year. It has been an adjustment, to say the least. But earlier in life when I moved from Champaign (DOWNSTATE, to those of you who aren't up on Illinois psychology) to Chicago (a world of its own, technically located in Illinois), I never felt like I was in the right place. I actually felt a physical loosening in my chest at a certain point on the highway heading south when I went to Champaign to visit. That feeling sucks, Melissa, I'm so sorry you're having it. I'm rooting for you to find a place you can truly call home.

[madge]

I'm a born and bred New Yorker (yes, in the city). And, while I'm not stereotypically New York, it's so a part of me that I don't fit in anywhere else.

I live in Maine now. You should hear the crickets when I try to tell a joke around here...

[madge]

I'm a born and bred New Yorker (yes, in the city). And, while I'm not stereotypically New York, it's so a part of me that I don't fit in anywhere else.

I live in Maine now. You should hear the crickets when I try to tell a joke around here...

[Clair]

From the time I was four I knew I didn't fit in the town I grew up in. Nothing about it was right for me. I left for college, lived in a few other cities, and finally found my home in San Francisco. I've lived here for 10 years and can't imagine ever being anywhere else. Finding my place was really hard, but so worth the struggle. I hope you find yours soon.

[Helena]

I grew up in Queens, lived in Milwaukee for a year (loved it), lived in Tucson for six years (LOVED it, but no jobs and too far from family). Now we live in NYC and I don't like it. I love my neighborhood (altho it's not 'cool' at all- no bookstores, record stores, thrift stores, or great restaurants), my neighborhood mommy friends, my work friends (finally, after 3+ years at this job). But, I just don't belong in NYC.

My dh, on the other hand: grew up in a tiny town in Northern Wisconsin (in a farm house, altho not an actual working farm), stints in Madison, Minneapolis, then Tucson (where we met and married), and he FREAKING loves it here, and is clearly meant to live here forever. He loves the subway, Anthology Film Archives, architecture, all of it.

It's fine- my family is here, including elderly parents a few hours north of here, so it's not like I could really move in the near future. . .but boy, Portland/Detroit/Cincinnati/LA/Bay Area sometimes really call out to me. . .

[Brenda]

I survived elementary & jr high school in a small, blue collar town in central NY state then did high school in a slightly larger upper-middle class/rural interface town 15 minutes away.

Went to college in a small city in New Jersey and now live in the rural/suburban interface in west central NJ.

I went from redneck conservative to republican conservative to liberal elite to a mix, and I still don't blend. What the hell?

[DiaryofWhy]

Such an interesting question, as evidenced by all the thoughtful responses you've received. I grew up in suburban MD, lived in Boston, France, and now central NY state. Planning a move again in about six months, and have no idea where I should go. One more person still looking for my "place."

[Amy Jo]

We recently moved from Philly to West Virginia, by our own choice, and other than having my parents nearby, I am totally regretting it. Unfortunately, the stereotypes that we convinced ourselves didn't exist totally do. Even the educated types still carry handguns and don't believe in evolution, mostly.

Congrats to Logan, and you for enduring the process.

[Sunny]

#1 congrats to Logan, you and the kids - the holidays was a consolidated Team Summers effort.

#2 that commercial gave me chills and does every time I watch it. Truly moving.

#3 I am the walking embodiment "don't fit in my environment" or polar opposite of the status quo, take your pick. 6' skinny redhead, semi-single mother and marketing executive in UTAH.

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

[Southern Gal]

Though I was born in Alabama, throughout my childhood I loved leaving and visiting other cities. I always knew I would end up somewhere else. I lived many years in Florida and it never clicked. We have been living in Nashville for 12 years now and I must say it feels and is home. Keep asking these questions. It will get you closer to the place you are meant to be.

[Tam317]

I do know what it feels to live in this area but not feel I have the same "grit" that seems to be what this place is made of. I'm not from Detroit, or MI for that matter, so I don't totally get the way that Detroiters see themselves. Not from a blue collar background, so don't get that whole thing either.

Even with that, I LOVED the ad and am excited for the new energy of the city. But, deep down, I know that the narrative of the ad, and of this city, isn't mine. I don't see myself as a "survivor" or someone who just pushes through. I've survived quite a bit in my life, but that is not how I define myself. Yes, I'm thankful to have made it through some difficult times and horrible experiences...but, that is not all that I am. Not the lense through which I see myself. So yeah, I feel you - I like easy, simple, and no drama and no hurdles to overcome. I do good work. I try to be good to people. I live and just livin' is fine by me.

[Molly]

I've never really felt like I fit anywhere I've lived. I grew up in Kalamazoo in the shadow of my pillars-of-the-community parents and never felt like I could make a mistake or change my mind about anything, went to Western Kentucky for college, which could not POSSIBLY have been a worse fit for me, returned to Kalamazoo, got married and moved to the Washington DC suburbs, where I was yucked out by the self-important, oblivious vibe that I felt almost everywhere there. Now we're in Battle Creek, where we're not blue-collar enough to fit in. I don't know what to do, so I'm retooling my job skills so that we can go somewhere else, if we decide that's the thing to do. I'm just wondering if this is a permanent condition for me.

I feel for you, I really do.

[kayte]

I grew up outside of Flint, MI. (Motor City, Jr.) When I got married we moved to Houston, then Chicago, then Rome, Italy, and finally Charleston, SC. We've been here 26 years and I can't imagine living anywhere else. Nothing compares to living on the beach next to a beautiful historic city with fabulous weather and friendly people all around you. I could never go North again. Leaving MI was like stepping out from underneath a big black cloud and finding the sun. I highly recommend it!

[Laura]

I've never felt out of place until my kids started preschool in that town just north of us. I love the school and the teachers, but man, those parents are not people I can relate to or fit in with. I've lived in Detroit, in the western suburbs, in Mt. Pleasant, in Mississippi and here and I have never had an issue of feeling like I don't belong. But preschool drop off makes me feel like an outsider. Go figure.

[Kathy]

Hi Melissa. Congrats to Logan and to you on such an impressive commercial! It even affected me, despite the fact that I paid little attention to the super bowl.

Thoughts on not fitting in: I was raised in Madison Wisconsin, and fled to San Francisco as soon as the ink on my diploma was dry. I swore I would never be one of 'those' people who moved away for fifteen years and then came back. Spoiler alert-- guess what happened?

SF was lovely but we got literally pushed out by the dot com boom. Unfortunately we got pushed to New Jersey (home of my husband's family). It took me about five years before I could relate to a single soul in that land.... I just didn't get what people were talking about (the mall? Ambercrombie and the what now? And how are you pronouncing 'mozzarella'?)

We came home to help ease my parents into their inevitable deaths, but despite that, coming home was the best thing I ever did. I understand people here! Chatting at the checkout! Complaining about the weather with random passerby! Helping a stranger with directions or pushing their car out of a snowbank... this is what life is about.

I always say (grossly generalize) that people in SF tend to be friendly, but impolite; New Jersey folks are unfriendly and impolite, and my home folks? They are the friendliest and most polite people you will find anywhere. I call this home for a good reason.

I hope you find it someday too, though I know it can be challenging.

You've done marvelous things taking care of your kids and husband and dog and house, and I understand from reading your posts that your childhood was challenging, to put it mildly. You are doing great work, keep it up. And, I love your writing.

Take care,
Kathy

[Melissa Summers]

Oh Laura...I soooooo know what you mean. When I used to take Maddie to
gymboree, some of the moms looked literally aghast we were from Royal
Oak.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Laura]

I moved across the continent thirteen years ago and I'm still not sure which place is 'home.' I read Belonging by Isabel Huggan a couple of years ago and it is her memoir about finding home, feeling at home, and trying to make do when you can't live where home is. You might like it.

[maya]

yay!!!! congrats to logan!

i was born in a different country, and moved to my mom's hometown of Cleveland when i was 5. i've never truly felt like i belonged. the winters are harsh, and the culture is not what i prefer.

i always figured i'd leave... and then i met my husband, and got a job, and we bought a house, and had a baby...

while cleveland has museums, and the metro parks (hiking trails, and woods, and picnic sites galore), and diversity, and the cleveland clinic, amongst other "perks", i still don't feel attached to it.

i've always been attracted to the concept of a small (warm) beach town with friendly neighbors, and small businesses, because it is more in line with who i am... i am calm, and while i'm a hard worker, i am also not a fighter.

just like detroit, cleveland is also a very blue collar, steel town with hardened people that have truly suffered the past few years. i just am not cleveland.

right now, we're not in a place where we can leave. my husband is attached to his family, and they are here. but (especially when we are deep in the awful winter) i still dream of leaving someday.

[maya]

yay!!!! congrats to logan!

i was born in a different country, and moved to my mom's hometown of Cleveland when i was 5. i've never truly felt like i belonged. the winters are harsh, and the culture is not what i prefer.

i always figured i'd leave... and then i met my husband, and got a job, and we bought a house, and had a baby...

while cleveland has museums, and the metro parks (hiking trails, and woods, and picnic sites galore), and diversity, and the cleveland clinic, amongst other "perks", i still don't feel attached to it.

i've always been attracted to the concept of a small (warm) beach town with friendly neighbors, and small businesses, because it is more in line with who i am... i am calm, and while i'm a hard worker, i am also not a fighter.

just like detroit, cleveland is also a very blue collar, steel town with hardened people that have truly suffered the past few years. i just am not cleveland.

right now, we're not in a place where we can leave. my husband is attached to his family, and they are here. but (especially when we are deep in the awful winter) i still dream of leaving someday.

[LisaK]

Congratulations to Logan. I was walking past the television when the commercial started and it just completely caught my attention. My husband asked me if I was expecting it to come on or something...loved it and I couldn't help but wonder if Logan may have been somehow involved and he actually was...crazy! Not that you know me or anything, just a long time reader.

[Becky]

Way to go Logan.

I felt that way about the town I grew up in. Even worse, it's the kind of place that if you weren't born there and your parents weren't born there, you will never be accepted. I spent my entire childhood being ridiculed both inside my house and out of it.
Where we've lived for the last 13 and a half years is home. I fit in. It's the best feeling in the whole world.

[jackie]

oh, i am from new jersey. sad face. well south jersey. it's a hit or miss with the friendliness factor, i will give you that. we are so close to philadelphia so some of that brusqueness rubbed off on us.

as for fitting in, i can't say that i have really figured out where a better/more suitable place to live is if you are generally unhappy. at least i have found that to be true for myself.

i would, however, just like to live at the beach. not close by, but when you look out your window or front porch you can see the ocean close. think that could inspire some happiness in myself wherever i was.

best of luck finding that place!!!

[Elizabeth]

You should all check out the website for The Happiness Project. One of her most recent posts is about living the "right" life. I think all of you would find it interesting.

[Michelle]

Logan is a superstar! That is very, very cool. As to your question, well, I live about 20 minutes away from you across the border, in Windsor! And no, I've never felt I fit in here at all. I feel like it's not a put-down, just observant, to note that Windsor isn't a very literary or interesting cultural centre. Amirite? ;) It's automotive factories, strip bars and dance bars filled with "Woo! I'm 19! I can get drunk in Canada!" Americans. :D I like the smaller size of my city, true, but I crave something a little more... fresh. (?)

[Priscilla-The Wheelchair Mommy]

I think I fit where I am - I like it anyways.

TOTALLY awesome that your DH quote was used :)

[Kiernan]

Moved from Washington DC to my mother's hometown, Eugene, OR at the age of 5. I had 5 years of culture shock. Only when I was old enough to start assembling my own family of friends was I anything remotely approaching comfortable. Even today, when I am there on the rare visit, I will have an physical sensation that is despair within 24 hours, usually just driving down a random street. I try to travel home only with an entourage to keep it at bay. Honestly it is a nice (but charmingly odd) college town with a lot to recommend it and it makes me want to die.

[Lauren]

Oh Melissa...

Yes, yes I have very much felt what you so succinctly captured. I grew up in Southfield, in an abusive home and a shitty childhood. I fought like hell and I never really liked where I lived but didn't realize it until I was an adult and had moved away. I spent 8 years in amazingly wonderful Minneapolis, and now live in NYC. I feel more at home outside of my home area than I ever did growing up in the Detroit Metro.

I was just in town last weekend for a birthday party for my dad. As my partner and I spent the weekend driving around, running errands, seeing some of the sights of my youth, I was constantly commenting on how I can't imagine ever coming back, can't even imagine why people still live there. You are so very right. Endurance. Not joy - I see endurance, surviorhood, and even desolation (and a special sense of it in the suburbs, where hardships have a different but important meaning). There is a distinct lack of joy.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It struck a chord with me that I'm grateful to have heard.

[Sherry]

I completely understand what you're saying. We just moved to Michigan (hello neighbor!) and it is so different to me. When I saw the commercial, I thought "cool commercial, but I absolutely do not see this place like that." We've only lived here for seven months, but I still don't feel like it is even close to being home, nor can I see living here the rest of my life. It's just not me.

[Patricia]

When I was 12 my family moved from southern New Mexico to East Texas. One thousand miles makes a big difference. It was also fairly torturous on me. (My parents too- we moved back to NM in less than two years). In any event, I've been in Albuquerque for 18 years and even with its problems, it's mine.

[Laura]

1. That commercial is excellent and it's so awesome that Logan wrote that line!

2. I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in Saskatchewan (the prairies) and moved to Toronto for grad school. I haaaaaaaaaaaate it. I do not fit in this city at all. For the past 5 1/2 years (i.e., since I was accepted into my PhD program) I've been counting down the days until I can move back home. September cannot come soon enough.

Whenever I visit a city I try to imagine myself living there. Chicago: no (although it was awesome to visit. I love the bean); Kalamazoo: no; London: yes, but not forever; Oxford: YES; Cambridge: no, oddly enough - even if it is very similar to Oxford; LA: hells no; Pasadena: if I had to (it's nice, but I would miss seasons); Edmonton: yes; Calgary: never (I think it says a lot about us that my sister lives there and loves it, while I can't stand it).

[Alice]

Oh gods, hell YES. I like how you've phrased it, too - the last 2 places I've lived are areas where some people LOVELOVELOVE the town, and it always feels somewhat mean-spirited for me to be honest about my dislike. Saying that 'it's not a good fit' is true, but unsatisfyingly vague.

The easy thing I can relate to as well - I do NOT like feeling as though opposition & confrontation are a part of my everyday life. And I say this as a pretty privileged person - pushing back against a southern beach town culture is easy in comparison to a lot of things. It just feels stupidly pointless and utterly avoidable to fight back against a town's personality, but being an academic spouse, I choose him or I choose moving, but I can't choose both, at least not for a long while.

And congrats, Logan! That's awesome.

[Sarah]

What a fabulous commercial...that line gave me chills.

We had a four year stint in Ypsi--not quite Detroit, not quite Ann Arbor--that started with a great job and a gorgeous home. It ended in unemployment and a short sale. We just never clicked with SE Michigan--not in crunchy AA, not in gritty Ypsilanti, not in Detroit.

That commercial has really made me feel like we just didn't give the place a fair shot, and that we never really got it. (Not that it would've mattered in the end anyway.)

We're now in Portugal. I barely speak the language, but feel more at home here than I ever did there. I teach English here and I've been showing that commercial in my classes since Monday as a "this is Detroit" cultural interlude since Monday, and they all love it.

Europe is better for us in so many ways, but I would move back to Chicago in a heartbeat. I think if Chicago is your kinda' town, it is a really, really, really good place to live. I actually feel like the city is a dear old friend.

[Sarah]

What a fabulous commercial...that line gave me chills.

We had a four year stint in Ypsi--not quite Detroit, not quite Ann Arbor--that started with a great job and a gorgeous home. It ended in unemployment and a short sale. We just never clicked with SE Michigan--not in crunchy AA, not in gritty Ypsilanti, not in Detroit.

That commercial has really made me feel like we just didn't give the place a fair shot, and that we never really got it. (Not that it would've mattered in the end anyway.)

We're now in Portugal. I barely speak the language, but feel more at home here than I ever did there. I teach English here and I've been showing that commercial in my classes since Monday as a "this is Detroit" cultural interlude since Monday, and they all love it.

Europe is better for us in so many ways, but I would move back to Chicago in a heartbeat. I think if Chicago is your kinda' town, it is a really, really, really good place to live. I actually feel like the city is a dear old friend.

[Samantha]

I get what you're saying about "home": lived in Central Massachusetts for 16 years and although I like it, I feel a physical release and a mental "un-buttoning of the pants" when I go back to the SF Bay Area. However, I really believe that "wherever you go, there you are" thing, that we impose ourselves onto a place and make it what we expect it to be. No matter where you are, some people are going to like you. And some people are. Who cares as long as you like yourself?

Anyway, my point in writing is to say HOLY SHITE to Logan. That ad actually made me think, wow, I could buy a Chrysler. Let me assure you that is a thought that has never, ever crossed my mind before. Not even been in the same county as my mind.

So congrats! Total win.

[FlippyO]

I didn't struggle in my childhood and I really don't want to struggle now. Although, I guess losing your job, health, car, and house within a couple of years would qualify as "struggle", huh? Blech, I'm sick of it.

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley (aka "The Valley" made extra famous by Moon Unit Zappa while I was in high school) and liked it while I was there. If it was superficial, I never noticed, as most of my life revolved around sports and family.

I moved to Vegas for a year, as my family was starting to migrate there. It was okay. I then met someone online and moved to Pacifica, CA (just south of San Francisco) to be with her. I really loved Pacifica, a nice beach town, but we had a crappy landlord and decided to move to San Francisco (only a five mile or so move). I lived in SF for close to five years and it's where I felt most at home. I lived in yuppieville, Noe Valley, but the rich moms/moms, moms/dads, dads/dads were all nice and crunchy granola, so it was a good place to live. Unfortunately, there was no way I was ever going to be able to afford a house there, not without winning the lottery. My neighborhood's cheapest home was probably a million bucks, and that was an average to small sized house with a postage stamp-sized yard. So, back to Vegas I went.

Las Vegas isn't what outsiders think it is, it's mostly a normal suburb next to a huge tourist destination. I loved being near enough to be a tourist occasionally, eat fabulous food, see great concerts, and gamble sometimes. Then, the job/house/health loss. Six months ago, we had to move to Pahrump, NV, about 50 miles west of Vegas, a world away. It's town most famous for being Heidi Fleiss's new home, the city that voted to make English its official language (it was immediately repealed...thankfully, before we moved here), a place where guns are very very popular, and where our Wal-Mart could be featured with a live webcam on the PeopleofWalmart.com website. You wouldn't think that Walmart shoppers would vary widely by location, but I'm here to tell you that they do.

The weird thing is...even though I don't feel like I fit in here, that this isn't "home", everyone is really nice to us (a fairly obvious lesbian couple) and I could probably live the rest of my life here. I would, however, if I could afford it, move back to San Francisco in a second. Just about every day I lived there, I thought, "Wow, I can't believe I actually live here." The "fruits and nuts" are my people. :) Plus, I totally loooooove fog.

Oh, and to make this a tad longer - congrats to Logan on the commercial. I was relieved that Eminem wasn't hawking iced tea again at the end of the commercial. ;) While I respect what people of Detroit have gone through, I know I'm too much of a wuss to be that "tough".

[Lucy]

1. That commercial was the best of all the superbowl commercials, IMO. Loved it. Nice job Logan & co.

2. I feel more at home in Sweden (where I do not live!) than I have ever felt in the US. It isn't about politics or patriotism or even climate. Sweden just feels "right".

[carosgram]

I loved this commercial!!! I loved the line that Logan wrote as well as the whole emphasis that Detroit is both muscle and steel as well as elegance and luxury. I think my next car will be 'imported...from Detroit'

[jen]

Totally!! because i grew up in Michigan and that attitude not only defines the area of Detroit but i think the entire lower peninsula, now living in New England there is some type of yankee survival attitude but nothing close to that of my home Michigan!

[Amanda]

I spent 12 years in the Wash. DC area. I'm not fast paced, I'm not an Alpha mom, I'm not about having my children so over scheduled dinner is in the car between activities and consists of an organic veggie sandwich with a side of something made out of soy that my nanny packed. I hated every minute there. I hated that my husband got off at 5 but never made it home before 7 because the traffic is that bad. Then we moved to Orlando last year. I LOVE the slowed down life style, the almost "country lifestyle" in a small city. I love the lazy nights in my back yard while my son plays in the pool. I love that it takes my husband 15 minutes to get to and from work. I love that I know my neighbors....something that is rare in the DC area. I spent 12 years not fitting in. Finally I feel like I am home.

[Lenice]

Congrats to your husband! Loved this the commercial because it reminded me of home! My family moved out of the Detroit area about 9 years ago to a much warmer climate. Although things didn't turn out as we originally planned, we still don't regret our decision to leave. I enjoy the more relaxed atmosphere of the area we live in now, verses the heavy weighted feeling that seemed to loom over the Detroit area. I will say the commercial reminded me of my roots and my own inner strength. Traits that helped me make a new comfortable and happy home far from the security of family and friends. I still call Detroit home, but the longer I'm away the stranger it feels when I visit.

[Olivia]

Oh yeah, I've been living in N. Indiana for 5 yrs and I really don't feel I fit in. Conservative, religious, often wary of new things/people, Taco Bell is too spicy...so not me. I'm counting the days until we can move back to Colorado

[hayesmary]

I've lived in a lot of places. Not only did I move around as a kid (Philadelphia, St. Louis, Denver), but I was an exchange student in high school (Johannesburg, South Africa). After college, I joined the foreign service (couple three posts in China, Malaysia, WashingtonDC). Since then my husband's job has kept us moving (Boston, Chicago, and now a smaller city in western NY). And we're looking at one more move this year that may take us to the place where we belong, but our daughters may not feel the same sense of fitting in.

And for the record, loved our years in Chicago (Hyde Park, actually). Totally didn't fit in the fancy Boston suburb (apparently I never got the memo about the Lily Pulitzer flowered pants). And Kuala Lumpur in my mid-20's? Fun was had. And our current, very lovely suburb? We just don't fit it. We just don't connect. At one elementary school family function, when my husband was out of town and I attended alone, I cried in the parking lot. After years in this town, I still had no one to talk to. A pathetic (and deserved) comment on my social skills, sure, but I know I can do better in places where I fit in.

Loved the commercial. I've watched it numerous times, and it's thrilling every single time.

[Marcia]

Congratulations to Logan for a really great ad and line!
The question you posed hit me right in the solar plexus! I live in a very upscale small resort town on the ocean. The town virtually empties out for the most part in the winter. Summer we are knee deep in wealthy tourists and home summer home owners. The small number of us who live and work here are lost in the shuffle. Most residents are senior, former CEO's etc. There are virtually no programs run in the evening as no one leaves their homes after dark.
I have never even met my neighbors after 11 years, despite efforts to interact....although we do wave on occasion.
Having grown up on a small farm with very friendly neighbors and close friends, this is so isolating. I really hate it but have a great job which will bring me to retirement and those are few and far between when you are 67.
I am grateful to be living with ocean on three sides and beauty everywhere,and take great consolation in nature's closeness. Two of my children live fairly close so that helps.
Interesting discussion here....thanks!

[Sarah]

Oh my goodness yes! I completely understand that feeling and share your discomfort. I'm an artsy liberal agnostic in dallas, tx. I'm pretty much a freak here. Congratulations to Logan! I really enjoy your blog.

[Maggie]

Moved to the burbs about 5 years ago and have never felt like I fit here. Although it is the right place for us to be with the kids and they love it here and blah blah blah, I feel cognitive dissonance every time I realize I live where I live. My heart is most comfortable living in a more urban setting and although I do my best to blend here, I will never really feel happy or comfortable until we move back to a more urban location. In 20 years... Ugh.

[Maggie]

p.s. I moved away from the place I grew up nearly 20 years ago and don't miss anything about it other than the Fall weather. Not one thing.

[CARLA]

OMG! I LOVE DETROIT!!! I've loved it for EMINEM, I loved it for KID ROCK, and I've la la la loved it for Uncle KRACKER!!! NOW, I have to say I am lovvvvvvinnn' it for you and your masterfully talented Logan!!! Gawd, what next?!!! YOU better have kissed him full on the lips for this one!!! love and hugs, 'liss. Fuck the hater friends...they just do NOT get you! xxooxx

[The Dorkier Elizabeth]

I'm a queer brown leftie with a fancy-schmancy graduate degree . . . from the school that is now the home of the George W. Bush presidential library.

HOLD ME.

[Leigh]

I loved that commercial! I bet it made Detroit feel so proud.

I can't honestly say I've ever felt like I fit where I lived, even growing up. I always feel like an outsider. The closest I ever came to fitting in were the four years we spent in SW Florida--I loved the easy, laid-back feel of life there and never felt (as I have other places ) that it really mattered what car, house, clothes, etc. you had--it wasn't competitive at all. I still miss it.

[Melissa W.]

Indeed. I probably grew up in the same town that Olivia lives in now, Northern Indiana Hell. I was the only liberal, vegetarian, athiest in a conservative, religious family. Nonetheless, my parents were wonderful about letting their children explore new ideas- which may have made it harder, because no one seemed to know about these other options.
I counted the seconds until I could leave. And then I did. and then I went back. Then I RAN the next time I had the opportunity to do so.
I hated that town, and continue to do so, so much that I feel sorry for the best friend and brother I left behind who still live there. I know it just makes me seem more "liberal elite," but there's just nothing for me there (except them...).
I live in Ann Arbor, which suits the crunchy in me just fine (I'm a vegan now...impossible in my hometown...I may have even been burned at a steak...I mean stake!). But I found my heart in San Francisco. She and I just clicked the minute I got off from the plane. However, my income level prevents me from living there right now. Upon relating the desire to move there to my best friend, she noted that being unhappy isn't a matter of place, it is a matter of what you do to make yourself happy. I see her point, but there's also a lot to be said about a change of spirit and scenery that goes a long way into making one happy.

[katie b]

I've lived in metro Detroit my entire life and that commercial was moving. way to go logan! :)

[Elizabeth]

Just wanted to say -- that commercial was incredibly moving and one of the best I've ever seen. It made me proud of Detroit (used to live in the Detroit area) and I'm glad the rest of the country got a taste of Detroit's strength.

[Amy]

My Michigan connections run deep: born in AA, attended Detroit Public Schools K-3, graduate school at Michigan, and much family still living in the Detroit area, many of whom have at one time or another had some connection to the auto industry. So for me, the Chrysler 200 commercial was incredibly powerful, and hands-down the best one of the Super Bowl.

Family moved to Chicago when I was in 6th grade, and I still live here as a married mom of 2, and have to say that this city feels like home to me. I "get" Detroit, and understand why that commercial resonated for those of us who are from there, but suspect that if I were to ever move to the Detroit area now, I wouldn't feel like I fit in. But maybe its just that I love Chicago too much to consider leaving. Especially now that we have a Leo's and I can order a coney island and a vernors for lunch without crossing state lines!

[Cookie Crisp]

I don't think that anybody around here (in the Detroit Metro area) really buys into that tagline ("this is what we do") so you're not alone. The rest of the country certainly doesn't either. The view us as one of the suckiest places on earth.

One time on vacation in Arizona, I was asked where I was from, and when I said "Michigan" the woman said: "why?"

It's hard to be here and I think if most of us weren't tied down, we would leave in a heartbeat. "This is the Motor City...what we would do to get out of here."

[Judy]

LA is NG, for all the reasons you might think of but mostly for this one - it costs so much here. But the weather - oh, if you're a baby about the cold (and I am), it's great Nov to April. Then, it's weird and white (the sky, not the people) most of the time. And the ground sometimes try to chuck you off.

[ageekymom]

You obviously struck a chord with this post! Maybe you should send a link to Mother Jones magazine to rebutt their nasty article about the ad (http://bit.ly/fiFlln) and their sneer that it wasn't made in Detroit. Great job Logan!
I've lived here (in the same house, no less!) for 31 out of my 49 years, just north of that other suburb north of you, if you get my drift, and I've never fit in either. I lived in Luxembourg in high school for a year, and Kalamazoo for college, with a 6-month stint in Germany for my major. I would live in Europe in a heartbeat, but that pesky thing called a job is holding us back.
Funny, I think if I had the opportunity to meet you and a lot of your readers, we'd all feel like we fit in with each other! ;-)

[Melissa Summers]

Wow what a stupid article. BBDO Detroit was always PRINT.

BBDO New York did media.

Stupid.

[Traci]

The commercial made my heart hurt with homesickness, and then I burst into tears at Logan's line. So yes, I also understand the feeling of not fitting in, down here in Nashville. Although, the Pure Michigan commercials used to make me homesick when I lived as close as Chicago, so I am probably just a sap.
I had big dreams of living out west, or all over the country really, and Nashville was going to be my first stop. Until I got here & realized, as unfortunate as the weather is, I am just a Midwest girl.
All of my friends who never "got out" wish they could have, and all of the rest of us who did leave, only wish we could come back.

[cookie crisp]

I just wish I could buy into the ad and see it as the truth. Both Chrysler and Detroit are pathetic. People who say otherwise have never actually been downtown or driven a Chrysler.

[cookie crisp]

I just wish I could buy into the ad and see it as the truth. Both Chrysler and Detroit are pathetic. People who say otherwise have never actually been downtown or driven a Chrysler.

[cookie crisp]

I just wish I could buy into the ad and see it as the truth. Both Chrysler and Detroit are pathetic. People who say otherwise have never actually been downtown or driven a Chrysler.

[cookie crisp]

I just wish I could buy into the ad and see it as the truth. Both Chrysler and Detroit are pathetic. People who say otherwise have never actually been downtown or driven a Chrysler.

[Melissa Summers]

Well I wouldn't go that far Cookie Crisp.

I love plenty of specific things about Detroit. I have wonderful people in my life, there are excellent restaurants and there is a sense that since Detroit is so broken, you can do what you want.

I was speaking more of the overall idea that as a city we define ourselves as "fighters" "survivors", we grit our teeth and get through, and I'm not sure I see myself that way. Same reason I'm not a marathon runner!

I have both driven a Chrysler and spend plenty of time downtown. Neither are pathetic.
Ease up.

[MelissaS]

Additionally it's not that I didn't "buy into" the tagline. I actually believe it's very true for a lot of people. I think a lot of people here have a great sense of pride and work hard to make a difference not just sit around complaining about the problems claiming that they're "stuck" here.

I support Detroit while I'm here. You'll never hear me make fun of Detroit, when my kids have kids at school tell them "Detroit is where people die!" I make sure they tell them all about all the things we do in Detroit. I tell the kids their parents are being a little simplistic, scared and small minded. Possibly also racist.

I think Detroit is a place with people who have big pride in surviving, struggling, fighting back...I'm saying I don't have that sort of pride in struggling, fighting or surviving.

Please don't turn my comments section into a Detroit Bash Session. (And yeah, that's a warning. Sorry my blog, my rules.)

[Cookie Crisp]

Oh how I wish I could "ease up." We are fighters and survivers, but what is the end result? Nothing. There's not enough lipstick in the world for our little pig named Detroit.

[Cookie Crisp]

One last thing...I go to Detroit quite a bit and my kids come too. Racism doesn't enter in to the equation either, but I know what you are saying.

[Melissa Summers]

Eesh. What a drag. You are definitely not invited to our parties!

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[The Dorkier Elizabeth]

The outpouring of support in the wake of Aiyana Stanley Jones's murder, the Save Ypsi Schools movement, community gardens . . . it's true that I have never been to downtown Detroit, but it's also true that I think all of these things are powerful and exemplary. Community action--I'll be honest--really intimidates me, so I do find it impressive.

[Cookie Crisp]

I'll try and "survive." That's what people around here do. BTW, Devin Scillian just said he is waiting for a t-shirt to come out with your hubby's slogan. I'll buy us matching ones, k?

[Cookie Crisp]

I'll try and "survive." That's what people around here do. BTW, Devin Scillian just said he is waiting for a t-shirt to come out with your hubby's slogan. I'll buy us matching ones, k?

[Another Melissa]

As a native Chicagoan who hates country music living in Nashville - I know exactly how you feel.

[Carolyn]

Whew! I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in SE Michigan, moved to Ann Arbor (movin' on up!), then moved to Chicago/Evanston (hip hip hooray!) and now live in Palo Alto (boo!). I miss Chicago/Evanston so much I practically cry myself to sleep some nights.

I'll never forget the first month living in Evanston: every morning was a burst of sunshine! Compared to the perpetual overcast skies of SE Michigan, I was in heaven. Then winter came and I was even happier. Living in Michigan, I hated the battle I fought every winter shoveling the ugly, salty slush that people called snow. In Evanston, we hardly ever drove our car (we lived two blocks from the Metra, six from the L, and everything else was within walking distance) so shoveling our tiny driveway (and occasionally the alley) wasn't always necessary. Since our postage stamp sized lot was only 33 feet wide, shoveling the sidewalk was actually fun! Moreover, the snow was always beautiful. No kidding - our neighborhood was always a winter wonderland - incredibly beautiful. We'd walk through our neighborhood to the beach on a daily basis just to admire the frozen beauty. Neighbors were friendlier too - everyone would pitch in together to dig out the alley or help our elderly neighbors. I guess what I'm saying is that, like you, I don't want to struggle everyday. In SE Michigan, every single day seemed to be overcast and depressing. Chicago and Evanston made me realize that it doesn't have to be that way. You can actually wake up and be happy. The transformation was amazing - I felt like I finally was where I was suppose to be all along.

Eight years later we moved to northern California and we've been here for almost four years. I still don't feel at home. I can't tell you how much I miss midwestern friendliness. People here can be so rude. Forget about striking up a conversation with strangers - they look at you like you're insane. Our only friends are a family from Canada - they feel the same way we do. All of the other mothers "walk" around in their high heels and list "shopping" as their favorite activity. Case in point: I like to garden. My neighbors all have "gardeners." I'm trying to put in a drought tolerant garden and my neighbors all have water thirsty lawns and roses. I'd probably fit in better in Berkeley, but work keeps us near Palo Alto.

I can't tell you how badly I want to move back to Chicago. Yeah, I'll miss no humidity and mild winters, but other than our friends from Canada, I wouldn't miss a single soul. Most people here are arrogant and pretentious. Unless you're in the tech industry, you simply don't fit in. Don't work for Google or Facebook? Sorry, you might as well not even exist. Didn't graduate from Stanford? That's a pity. Went to a state school in the midwest? How quaint, might as well suffer from leprosy. Yeah, I don't fit in here at all.

[Carolyn]

Sorry for the ridiculously long comment. Feeling a bit blue and missing "home" will do that to a person.

Most importantly, congrats to you and Logan for a job well done.

[Bogard]

People on the internet love to complain about where they are in meat space.

[tzena]

The commercial is great. It is also awfully dishonest, as most commercials are by definition.

The article that you branded as "stupid" was perhaps misguided in its attempt to decode an ad in the context of layers and layers of misrepresentations about Detroit and the autoindustry's sins/virtues. The article was not stupid, however.

I would be very interested to read more about your thoughts on the media's (mis)representational take on Detroit.

[Melissa Summers]

I didn't mean the article was stupid (oddly angry and also misguided)
but the "news" that the agency wasn't a Detroit one was stupid because
chrysler's tv ads have always been produced by agencies outside
Michigan.

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Melissa Summers]

...and since we are talking about our opinions. I found the article to
be kind of stupid. Sorry!

Sent from my iPhone with fat fingers on tiny keys.

[Sarah]

I remember having that feeling when we moved to Chicago. There was a song I Will Buy You a New Life on the radio over and over - we had just graduated from college, gotten married, become 'grown-ups' - and I found Chicago so hard. So hard. Moving back to our hometown of Milwaukee a few years later felt so nice. The feeling shifted, etc. But I do know what you mean.

And the ad was lovely - it made me think about our visits to Detroit.

[Robyn @ Detroit Coupons and Deals]

I have to admit I've felt this way at times here in Detroit. I'm from the south but married a boy from here. My issues aren't as much the culture as the W-E-A-T-T-H-E-R!!

But I have to admit after living here for 4 years that commercial was the first time I really felt "it"...the suffering, the uncertainty...and the pride.

I have a feeling that line was one of the reasons it really resonated with me. Pretty cool your hubby wrote it! Coming from a marketing writer myself...my hats are off to him! Great line!! It made a southern girl "get it." :)

[Kbow]

Detroit ain't the Emerald City true. Let me know when you want to visit the northwest so I can take you to or point you to some fun places.

I moved to the city when I was 19 from a small lumber-mill / logging community and every time I visit that town then return home to Seattle I have an overwhelming feeling that this is where I belong. Even though some of the most wonderful people I know still live in that small town I know this is my place. I LOVE driving into Seattle from the south and seeing the buildings and lights and landscape. It feels like home. My Northwest passive-aggressive Mecca.

That is a great marketing campaign. It's brilliant. By far my favorite superbowl ad even before I knew your connection.

[Mom101]

The ad is outstanding, the brochure looks gorgeous, and Logan should be so very proud. I was just posting one of the banner ads on twitter yesterday, I was so impressed with it. And you know we ad folk - we don't do that much.

I'm sorry you're feeling out of place. I lived that for just under 2 years in Providence and it near killed me. Of course I was single, 24, and my boyfriend was sleeping with my whole office. Think that might have contributed to it?