Suburban Bliss:: Birth Control Via The Written Word

Good things are always happening.

Having that post up there is annoying me now. 

I have a lot on my mind, obviously. I know I'm not where I want to be. I'm trying so hard to avoid hurt so I don't have to feel angry. I'm so tired of being angry. I'm also tired of being sad. I feel like I'm doing all the things everyone is telling me to do and the grief just keeps washing over me. 

Not all the time but I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of that awful feeling every time I realize what else I've lost. You can imagine how much I'm looking forward to the holidays.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the good times in between the hard parts. I've said it before but this website has always been glimpses of my life. Often the hard parts because I mull things around. I think about them try to figure out the root of things so I can fix the problem. BUT...I'm also doing lovely things. Great things. Happy things....

You guys have been so great for me, thank you. You believe in me and I'm trying to believe in myself. This is hard, sometimes it feels crushing. But I keep moving forward and doing the things you have to do to move forward. That is a testament to: depression relieving medication, therapy, friends, my job and this website. 

Thank you. 

Things are about to get heavy. Image heavy.

A week after Logan told me he was leaving, I took the kids to Chicago. (I don't sugar coat things so yes, it was a rough trip. I hid in the bathroom and cried...but there were also lots of good times.)

This is us on a Chicago river boat tour. 

We went to the Shedd Aquarium and had our minds blown by jelly fish. (We also did the Science and Industry; Field; and drove by Obama's house in Hyde Park...)

I've been to Chicago a lot of times and never done a river tour, it was always "too touristy" but with kids? Yes...Let's be tourists! We went out onto Lake Michigan and I took this picture with my phone and it makes me happy.

Divorce has really brought the kids together...

About a week after that it was my birthday. I dreaded my birthday but friends took me in and I will never forget that act of kindness. 

Someone sent me flowers...I still don't know who...thank you.

I started getting more daring with my color combinations.

Maddie has entertained me with her favorite game with Lucy...Lucy doesn't look at all awkward. 

Max and I went to the Franklin Cider Mill and we ate all the donuts even though that's not particularly healthy.

This is not a halloween costume, why do you ask?
I went to a really fun halloween party at Ye Olde Saloon. Yes, that's the name.
Fake Roger Sterling followed me home. That's a story for another day.

Max was a Blues Brother for Halloween...he's cooler than you. 
(Blurry in the background is Maddie with her handmade R2D2 hat...yes, that's what she was)

Lucy LOVED Halloween...she was a banana, look at the joy in her eyes.

I took this picture after a really great night. Not telling you why it was great but it was.

I bought this purse from a Kate Spade pop up sample sale. It cost the same as a pair of running shoes; but I never ever would have bought this when I was married. I would have felt selfish.

Maddie turned THIRTEEN!!! And also posed for a picture. (This very rarely happens...she caught my photo adverse illness. Sorry Maddie!)
I have a TEENAGER!? (Ten years ago Maddie was 3.)

A after that we went to visit Jean in Texas for Thanksgiving. This is a "Christmas" tree being lit in front of the Alamo. I say "Christmas" because it was 83 degrees. Christmas is cold and preferably snowy. 

We hot tubbed it. In November. I just think I need to live in a place where a water feature is even plausible in November.

Then we pet dolphins. 

Sophie lives in Texas. She looks super sweet but really she's looking at me thinking "You idiot...why do you live in the tundra?"

We went to Fredricksburg and climbed enchanted rock. I climbed half...and then I held the water bottles. Jean said it was an "Easy Hike" I guess I pictured an "Easy Hike" like how you feel when you tour a city for a whole day...how hard could it be?
It wasn't hard I just needed to hold everyone's water bottles at the half way point.
(Max took that picture for me.)

Then we went to Sea World. Because it's 30 minutes away and Shamu wanted to show us his equivalent of Jazz Hands.

Swimming on Thanksgiving makes a lot of sense to me.
I'm just going to come back to Michigan for a couple weeks in December.
While I'm here I'll indulge this funny little "snow" thing.....and then I'll go home to a place where people don't own shovels or have an ice scraper in their car. 

We ate a feast. I made carrots, the carrots probably made the meal...Thanksgiving was emotionally really hard but we had such a great feast and even better stories at the table. 

We headed home on Black Friday. But before we left, we took a walk on the newish part of the river walk. Little known fact about Marketing At Airports: Airports don't give a crap about Black Friday because you're sort of forced to pay $3 for a bottle of water. 

When we got home I was...sad and struggling with the reality of a holiday season with this new reality. Luckily my commissioned painting from Paul Ferney's Commission Project arrived while I was away. Another thing that gives me joy I never would have bought while married.

I'm so glad I bought this.

I've been trying to wear (well applied) more make-up and one day I curled my hair and I felt pretty.
so I took a picture.

While shopping for Maddie's birthday present at Scout in Royal Oak [not a paid link!] I saw this sign. 

YES

This is my year of YES. 

Hey...should I get a mani-pedi? YES
Should I take all my clothes to the tailor to make them fit correctly? YES
Maybe I should go to that party with all new people? YES
Aren't highlights too expensive, am I really going to get my hair done every 6 weeks? YES

I'm okay. I'm mostly okay. 

 

But go ahead and keep thinking a lot of good thoughts for me.
Thank you.

My Long Break

I went to Texas for 12 days. I went without my family and spent a full 7 of those days all by myself. You would think this would be awful. But it actually wasn't for someone like myself who likes a slow pace and the freedom that comes from doing whatever you want whenever you feel like it. 

I went to San Antonio to visit my friend Jean. Jean was heading to Italy and France for a couple of weeks with her husband and all of her (grown) kids. I'm sure her vacation was nice but I had this all to myself.

Yes, I realize that's her every day life, whatever. (Look how I didn't even stage this picture...you can see my bathing suit on the lounge chair and everything. That's old school blogging.)

Once Jean left for her so called "vacation" my friend Chris came down to visit. She ate her first gluten free french toast at The Little Aussie Bakery and we saw the movie Bridesmaids, which made me laugh...though the food poisoning scene...let's say I have a sensitive gag reflex.

Then we drank coffee, read magazines and sat in the hot tub. Sometimes all at the same time. Chris stayed out in the little guest suite even though the house has enough bedrooms and bathrooms for a small army, because I think everyone should stay in the little guest suite. Especially people who need a break. I stayed in Jean's room. It was a hardship but...you know...

When Chris went back home, I drove up the next day to Austin to see my friend Jill who I hadn't seen in years. Literally. Luckily she's easy to hang out with and took me to get a cupcake from a food truck. Food trucks and swimming pools are two extremely lacking areas of my life. 

I raced home from Austin because I was also dog sitting Sophie....and Sophie wasn't happy about two things: I'm not Jean and I didn't invite her to dinner with Jill and me.

I tried but Sophie just didn't like me as much as her regular people. I took her for lots of walks, even through Brackenridge park which actually I think annoyed her even more as she probably thought I was lost. When she woke up at 6am I fed her, even though the note said she didn't eat until 7am...Sophie, I was on vacation....and I like you that much!

Here's Sophie watching me watch television suggesting that maybe she could SHOW ME TO THE DOOR NOW.

I tried to explain to her that my dog thinks I am THE SHIT, but she didn't care.

When I wasn't lounging by the pool I did a little sight-seeing. I walked through the King William neighborhood and ate lunch at Mad Hatters Tea House. I also drove around like a complete moron trying to find this enourmous thing.

It's the tallest thing in San Antonio and I couldn't find it. My GPS was confused as well* and took me into an unrelated hotel parking structure where I paid $9 for the privilige of realizing I was at the wrong place. 
*My gps wasn't really confused...it was all me. 

But then I rode the elevator to the top and it was all worth it....especially the part where it was full of loud school kids on field trips and also the observation deck is a windy spot and the dress I was wearing really really wanted to be over my head, rather than protecting my modesty as God intended. 

That was enough tourism for me so I went back to what I do best.

Don't worry I went to yoga every day so it wasn't all fun and games... 

Except that it mostly was all fun and games. 

I came home and Logan and the kids (and a few well placed friends, Thanks Stephanie!) worked like a well oiled machine managing school, full time job, baseball, a 2 mile race, braces, an ear infection, a school concert, a few parties and a bat in the house.

A bat. In the house. That was flying around my son's room while he slept.

I think it's great Logan is so capable of managing the house and kids without me. It would cause me limitless irriation if he was a dad who had to call me every three minutes to ask where I keep the laundry detergent or Max's baseball gear, or where the orthodontist is located...but on the other hand I admit it: It's nice to be missed. 

Maddie and I texted a little back and forth and she filled me in on some of the tiny cracks in the Super Dad bill of fare Logan was selling me. I didn't want him to fail, but it was reassuring to hear that it was a little stressful for him and he's not Mary God Damn Poppins when I'm away. But even with Maddie's inside scoop, I admit it, he's better at managing chaos than I am. 

Of course I went to cook dinner a couple days after I got home, started up the oven and smelled something funny. I opened the oven and oh...

Baking sheets from the slab of ribs he cooked 10 days earlier. It's not a lot but it's not Type A and I'll take what I can get when trying to prove The Robot's humanity.

Reuse Craft Night

The other night Max was supposed to create a craft using repurposed items you'd normally dispose or recycle. He was given a bag with some wire, a few styrofoam peanuts and that was about it.

I took one look at the supplies and planned to help Max make a styrofoam peanut caterpillar walking on a couple of popsicle sticks. I'm super creative. 

Luckily Logan is generally in charge of these types of projects. Look what they came up with:

It's a helicopter. 

They used a shell, some cardboard, picture hangers, pipe cleaners...

A fuzzy thing we had in our craft box, magnets and a bottle cap...

My favorite part is the wire hanger made into a display rack.

Snow Day: Sled Day!

I've become increasingly fond of snow days. I don't feel like my day is ruined by that early morning call from the superintendent. Unfortunately for Max his biggest dreams for snow days involve being outside....in the actual snow. 

This is something I try to avoid because I am a fragile flower.

But this last snow day I sucked it up and we went sledding. When I say "we" I mean the kids because we're between insurance for another few weeks (knock on wood) and God knows I'd break my face again if I attempted a run down the hill. 

About a half hour into this adventure I realized....we don't have insurance for another few weeks...so what the hell did I bring the kids here for? I spent the rest of our visit wincing and praying no one broke a bone.

Fortunately, Maddie is the most uncoordinated, cautious sledder in the world. She leaned to fall off the minute she went faster than .002 mph. Daredevil, she is not.

Maddie brought a friend because how could she have fun with her brother? 

Max brought a friend because Maddie refuses to have fun with him.

At the end, we were all exhausted, cold....and happy.

And I noticed, in the car, a halo had appeared over my head because I am the Nicest Mother Ever.

A Summers Hootenanny.

Just sitting around in the yard, enjoying the weather. 

Lucy, is....concerned.

She's over it.

All my babies, including my fur baby. (Not talking about Max.)

We bought Max a guitar this weekend, a birthday gift. It's been attached to his shoulder ever since. He needs a haircut, but don't all rock stars?

Pre Half Marathon Sunday Relaxation.

Maddie's signature hair move.

Signature Rock Move

Her regular face move.

Lucy does all their vocals and manages the band. They like green m&m's in their dressing room, Lucy makes sure you don't forget it.

Merry Christmas!

Snow Globes

I spent about 9 hours Sunday night looking for attractive snow globes. I told a friend about my quest and he said, "What? How hard can it be?" Then he saw the one billion atrocious snow globes that exist in the world and apologized. I mean, really.

We've collected snow globes for Maddie since she was a baby and what I've learned from collecting snow globes is two-fold. When people hear you collect anything you get about a billion of that thing. And some of them, are terrifying.

I've also learned that when you see a snow globe that is even remotely modern or attractive you should snatch that baby up because you'll never see it again.

Keeping in mind we've been collecting snow globes for about 11 years, please note our collection has just 6 globes. Here's our, I mean, Maddie's collection.

I can't remember what year Nordstrom featured Olive The Other Reindeer for their holiday theme, but that year we decided to start a little collection for Madison. Right after we took her to Santa for the first and last time.

Now get ready because this one is going to blow your mind. It's a snow man in a snow globe, holding a snow man in a snow globe. Ideally that snow man would be holding a snow man in a snow globe too but maybe that's just too much if you're not on any controlled substances. This one came from Eddie Bauer Home.

Here's a cute little penguin I found by chance at Target while roaming the aisles pretending to buy things we absolutely needed for the house.

I picked this one up at Pottery Barn Kids and in Madison's dreams this is the what Christmas morning always looks like. (That's a puppy, not a pig.)

This one is my least favorite, it's a little Kountry Kute. But Maddie likes it and I am fond of the striking red base so I keep it out. (It's from Crate and Barrel)

This is another of my favorites, it's so sweet and simple. It came from the Martha Stewart Holiday collection at Kmart. I went there this year hoping she had another in this year's collection, but no.

I found a couple of decent ones while browsing this year I thought I'd share in case you don't feel like looking at 50,000 snow globes featuring bears in football jerseys.

A smorgasbord with only a little whining.

Pro Tip: Make sure your kid doesn't still have a tube in his ear drum before you decide to pour peroxide in his ear canal to clean out wax. I hope only the "Whining" part of Max's brain was eradicated when I doused it with hydrogen peroxide. While my son openly wept in pain, I felt pretty good. A big shiny ball of Shitty.

We've got an ear infection. Again.

I'm thinking Max and I should just hole up in my bedroom chronicling the ways our bodies continue to fail us.

Although Max is no fun because you give him a shot of ibuprofen and he's no longer mad at the world. Unlike me, who, as you might imagine, is pretty fed up with my body and all this crap. I'm 36 body, let's keep it together.

*****

Aside from sitting around asking my body why the yoga isn't making it happy? And the mostly vegetarian dinners and the broccoli and breakfast shakes packed with nutrients? We need therapy my body and me.

When I'm not doing that I've been doing things like making homemade vanilla extract. I was going to take pictures of the process but then I remembered that everybody did this project last year. I mean I did mine naked only wearing a mustache and a flower brooch, so it wasn't totally Last Year. But I couldn't exactly share those pictures. But listen if you're making vanilla extract as holiday gifts this year? You have to do it naked wearing a mustache.

I made 24 four-ounce bottles and that's a lot of vodka. I had to make another trip to Costco for a giant bottle to finish the project. However, since I'd already done my Costco shopping, I ended up buying bread, deli turkey, cheese, to make the giant bottle of vodka less noticeable. No one really batted an eye. The turkey must have distracted them.

I also didn't have a funnel on hand so I may have used one of the kid's water bottles filled with vodka to get the vodka where it needed to go. Don't worry, I used almost all of it before putting it back on Max's nightstand. He's got an ear infection, a little vodka won't hurt. 

*****.

I thought one or two of these might be our Christmas card photo, but Logan said* "No one wants to see us."  (*didn't say but kind of meant.)

Since we're using another shot for our xmas shot I thought I'd share a few of the other shots from our fun (unedited, ignore dust on the disc) photo shoot last week with Joe Vaughn.

Here's our Christmas Miracle. No one's eyes are closed and I don't look morbidly obese. Maybe Tiny Tim will live after all.

Max loves her no matter how insane she acts towards him.

I can't believe she's 11.

Here's our very own gap ad.

(If you can read Max's shirt, make him a sandwich.)

Hong Hua Authentic Chinese Dinner

Our friends Joe and Cari invited us to dinner at their studio the other night.

Tip: If you get invited to dinner at Joe and Cari's house...say yes. Joe is a photographer who works with lots of people but is especially well known for his food photography work. Chefs appreciate him making their restaurants and their food look so good, and sometimes they offer to come over and make dinner for 10 or 20 of their closest friends.

Hong Hua was Hour Detroit's Restaurant of the Year and Joe photographed the spread for that review. The owners of the restaurant wanted to share their food with some of Joe and Cari's friends.

Sometimes I'd like to trade services or products, you know I'll give you this thing of value in exchange for this thing of value, but my dramatic lack of marketable skills makes this difficult. Good thing I have friends with lots of marketable skills.

As a special surprise the guest list was kept secret leaving me to debate if they'd invited my in laws, or our ex landlord.

Luckily they didn't invite them, but WOW that would have been a really fun party!

If Joe would have invited my in-laws, he'd have been laughing at the choking tension in the air. Instead he was laughing at funny witticisms. Phew.

While I was taking pictures, Logan said, "Oh thank goodness someone's here to take pictures." Sarcasm, it's what makes our marriage go around.

Overall a lovely night. Maybe if I offer up a bushel of apples I can get a restaurant to come to my house and make dinner for a bunch of my friends.

Vacation In Pictures

Here are my pictures from my long weekend away with friends. You can read the notes in the browser to see my sometimes witty or irreverent comments, or you can go to the Flickr Set to read them that way.

We found the perfect house at Seaside the six of us can go in on. It's even under a million dollars. I figure if I return cans and bottles after our party Friday I can come up with the down payment in NO TIME AT ALL!

Noted Without Comment

Maddie brought this pen home.

I saw it and thought, "Hey! Whoa!"

Logan saw it and said, "Hey! Where'd that come from?"

Maddie said, "China.....they make everything in China."

Logan said, "Huh, maybe they're re-purposing the moulds in China."

When we adopted him, his name was Boss

Max, Logan and Maddie are all crowded onto half the sofa. And Gary is all comfortable on the other half. 

Maddie is making that face because I've suggested maybe we move the cat so I can sit down too.

A few pictures from the day I tried to keep fiats from flinging out of my mouth.

Goofy Glasses as Ice Breaker

Yesterday I took a shower, put on clothes and makeup, drove to the doctor, bought myself a Taco Bell dinner, ate it all (without crying), cleaned out a junk drawer and finally pulled down the party decorations from Maddie's big sleepover bash 2 weeks ago.

This was a banner day. Right now, I'm thinking about what to eat for lunch and the possibilities are so overwhelming and awesome I can barely stand it.

I think I may have turned the corner on this stupid thing and might be back to reasonably normal (though my throat won't be totally healed until next week). I am beyond happy about this. I even get to go on a little overnight trip with my friends (my real life friends who are always so busy with their 5 billion children they never get to do anything fun with me ever) on Saturday night.

God I am relieved. (Knocking on wood).

But this post isn't about that. This post is about being a good guest at a party. Advice about parties from the woman who gave birth to my husband that still holds true: "The host did all the work to give you this great party, your job as a guest is to make sure it's fun." (Other parenting advice she gave that is still true: "Nothing lasts forever." True, but somethings like to pop back in for a visit. Like constipation!)

Ryan and Kristen's wedding was held on the same night other friends were having a Halloween party and since we wanted to make it to both we took a few mustaches with us (you don't have a drawer of fake mustaches in your house? Lame.) and some nerdy glasses to wear in case we had time to make it to the Halloween bash.

We brought them into the (incredibly lovely) wedding reception and guess what? Making people wear fake glasses is an excellent ice breaker.

See?

Another side note, on the way to the reception we drove through a little part of Bloomfield Hills I hadn't been to before. On the drive we were discussing cutting our budget, maybe downsizing the house and being a one car family for a year. As we talked we passed by all these huge lakefront estates and suddenly it felt like we'd already downsized. Jesus, time for some perspective.

Swimming Dogs

On Saturday we snuck* our way into the End of Season Dog Swim at the local city pool.

*By snuck I mean we walked up to the gate said, "We're forcing our poor daughter to live a dog-less life, but can we torture her by watching the dogs swim?" And they said, "Sure, you assholes!"

A few of the dogs got off leash and instead of staying in the water, where they were allowed off leash, they ran around like I imagine all the kids would have run around the pool all summer if there weren't any rules about that sort of thing.

Watching all the dogs play and dive and chase each other was excruciating and hilarious.

Someday we'll get a dog.

If you have a dog, or like watching them swim, there are a couple more similar events coming up as other local pools are drained for the season.

You can see the other pictures here.

Forbidden Photo #5

This is the no photography warning outside the Super Secret Frozen Yogurt Shop.

I took it to mean don't take pictures of stick figures in wheelchairs.

Oops.

Forbidden Photo #4

Exotic toppings at the Frozen Yogurt place.

Gummy Bears?
Crushed Oreos?
THE TRADE SECRETS ARE MINE!

I've said it before, I enjoy beating dead horses. I'm almost done.

Forbidden Photo #3

oooh! A white table, with white cushions.....I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT!

Forbidden Photo #2

   

The amusing thing about this series of photos is the part where I could have been advertising their nice establishment. But instead, I'm stealing their trade secrets: Beautiful light + White on white + Frozen yogurt

I miss wearing a scarf.

I took this picture and a few others I'm going to share at a frozen yogurt place. The manager asked me to stop taking pictures because they have problems with designers stealing their ideas.

Their radical white on white decor and frozen yogurt with various toppings ideas.

Hmmmmm.....

Hank and Esme

This year our Blogher festivities included Antonia from Whoopee. She is from London and on Sunday Antonia's husband Ian flew in with their little girl Esme to join her for an extended holiday in the states.

We all met up for breakfast and Hank and Esme hit it off being so ridiculously cute and toddler-like I suddenly forgot I hate baby-hood and enjoy this part of my life as a parent a lot more. Since then I have had a dream each night I'm pregnant and happy about it.

Thanks a lot Hank and Esme.

The babies sat next to each other sharing toys and bits of toast. They also talked to each other and babbled back and forth. But sometimes it seems they had trouble understanding one another.

"I can't understand your accent..."

When the the little ones got out of their chairs they toddled around the table and gave each other hugs and kisses I died. I'm dead right now. I hope they're happy.

Update: Oh My God. They brought me back to life just to do this to me.

Rainbows

On Monday before I took the red eye home we walked around North Beach. These were leather samples for custom made shoes. I'd like something in a puce.

Aloe Vera

This plant is gone. It survived a lot of abuse, but the cats rubbing against it and knocking it out of the container spilling dirt all over. This finally proved too much for me to bear.

Corn Hole

Number 3 on the list of things I'm really bad at and like anyway.

Rocks

A lot of Michigan beaches are full of rocks. I think this is why Crocs were invented. I apologize.

Maddie

Open Bottle Here

Logan's favorite thing about living here is going using this bottle opener he installed on the corner of the garage.

Thank You Detroit.

This is me, totally kicking everyone's ass at Guitar Hero.

Boating in the gutter.

Rain Gutter Regatta. Yes, there is such a thing.

Quiver.

A quiver of arrows. Also, here's another Quiver you should check out if you like crime fiction.

Vegetables On The Grill.

We had friends over for dinner the other night. Laura is a chef and made a big batch of grilled vegetables. I'm going to recommend you make yourself a friend who's a chef.

Neighborhood BBQ

This is Evan. He also goes by Little Dale because he looks remarkably like our neighbor, Dale.

It takes a village.

Caroline knows every state. Here I am pointing out the state two states above where Obama comes from. Since her mom is a Republican.

Bottles for capping

I'm trying to remain enthusiastic about this hobby. Some days are harder than others.

Family Rules

Three simple steps to not losing your God Damned Computer Time. Logan and I are especially good at following the rules since our jobs require computer time.

Buzz Buzz

This is Max chatting with his buddies at T-Ball. These kids are both Max's age and this is "novel" because I'm that parent.